Leliel12

[Trigger warning: Body horror, sexism, violence, sexism, infection, childbirth, incest undertones, fetishzing of disease, GENERAL INSANITY. We’re beyond the Rubicon with this one, folks.]

[Link to das_sporking.]

Leliel: [Dead stare] Every time I look at it…it never gets less weird. It’s impressive.

Futaba: Yeah, I…uh…I read the summary of this chapter and the next and…Futaba hurt herself in her confusion. She had to punch herself back to sanity.

Diego: [Low susurrus in a strange, clicking tongue that seems to be in disbelieving agreement.]

Nocht: Erm…can I ask why Diego is currently a colony of xenos fungi? And…I don’t think that’s Low Gothic.

Leliel: Wait, sorry, translator’s not on-[Clicks something.]

Diego: Sl’rezk-ahem! Thanks, much better. I’m not actually physically present, my real self is currently gestating in a chrysalis in a sea of LCL - I had Clarence, my mi-go friend, rig up this as a radio while I complete my ascension to Elder Godhood. Trust me, I’ve seen where this leads from a front-row seat, and sweet merciful All-Mother’s embrace. You are not prepared. None of you are. I wasn’t.

Sophia: Well, it certainly seems things have escalated since I left. Which, given the degree of idiotic heresy we were at last time I was here, doesn’t help much.

Leliel: [plug]Read the spitefic.[/plug] But yeah, you know you’re in for a wild ride when the author’s note tells you Weird Gross Shit Is Going Down.

Thanks, and apologies, to my beta-reader Crazy-88, who I appear to have mentally scarred with this chapter. Prepare for awesome and mindfuckery rarely seen these days. I recommend you bring metal music and a barf bag.

Emma: Mindfuckery, yes. Awesome, no. And I wouldn’t sully any of my beloved Dynazty or A Sound of Thunder by associating it with… this.

Diego: And trust us - we will need a barf bag, but not for the reasons Academia Nut thinks…hopefully. There was a reason Nicholas Cage in one of his distinct roles was the preview image.

[Trigger warnings: Aftermath of mind rape, gore, discussion of sexual assault, misogyny. It’s the last few stretches, folks.]

[Image heavy.]

[ Link to my journal for non-members]

[You may have noticed that one of the IRL co-sporkers has been renamed to Wanderer. Rest assured, it's the same guy, and I'll explain what I can if asked in PMs. Suffice to say, he wants a clean break from his old ID. He is Wanderer/Wanderer2691 in all my previous sporkings now.]

Leliel: Third to last…third to — [Notices Wanderer leaving] ...Wanderer, where are you going?!

Wanderer2691: [Flatly, dressed in a Hawaiian shirt, trunks, luau wreath, fedora, shades and crockers, while holding a suitcase full of clothes and his portable game consoles with their associated games] Elsewhere.

Futaba: [Eyes Widen; Exasperated] You mean we can just leave the whole time if we wanted to?!

Wanderer2691: I can, you can't. Remember we own this domain, and I've decided a nice vacation in Hotrealm is what I need after this... shitshow. [Shudders, Before Sternly Grimaces] I'm sorry, normally I’d love to help, but even I've hit my ceiling with this garbage long ago. It's not even funny bad like Shield Hero's inceldom or A Brighter Dark's valiant failure at the source material. This is just bad-bad. I genuinely cannot stomach it any longer.

Leliel: Wait, you can't just leave me here to—

Wanderer2691: Hey, you’re the one who decided to do the Stupid Psychonauts in one go, dude. Just keep me posted if you have anything new, okay? Depending on the future, we may have a skunk to skin... [Beat] ...or an isekai orc. Or— well, whatever, just anything but this. Ciao!

Leliel: Hey, don't you just—

[Wanderer2691 invokes the power of the First Dragons, and warps out of there]

Leliel: [Deflatedly] ...leave me. [Groans in self-pity]

Emma: [Wry Smile] In his defense, he's not wrong; there’s no good way to split this thing. You’re always dealing with entirely too much Thousand Shinji for anyone's sanity.

Taion: Which is why Nocht and Diego are taking a break, I see…but I must ask Shinobu why he tortures himself.

Shinobu: [Bleak smile] Because it gives me an excuse to avoid the next chapter…one I’m informed Nocht needs to see.

Futaba: Hoo boy…I’ve been given the quest log for that too, which is apparently so insane that, despite this not being as terrible as the last two chapters, it’s being spliced off so we can give it all the attention it deserves…especially because, as the title notes, we’re about to see what this fic thinks is a good ending for poor Misato. We will have words.





( The Strategic Myth )

[Trigger Warning: Mind rape, offscreen sexual assault, graphic violence, general trauma, misogyny, offscreen animal cruelty, offscreen suicide, self-harm, voyeurism and an Eldar heading to an unspeakable fate…and this is still a chapter that’s a relief after the last two. Jesus Christ, Sigmar Heldenhammer, and Ruinous Powers above, we are so, so fucking glad we are progessing towards the end.]

[Image heavy.]

[Link to Das Sporking version.]

Leliel: [Finishes up watching a Let’s Play of Space Marine 2] Man, it is such a palate cleanser to see Thousand Sons be…actually competent. And pretty.

Wanderer2691: Seriously. Imurah’s a one-shot villain, but even as gloriously cliche as he is, he comes off as being more genuinely smart than Tzeentchji has this entire fic.

Emma: As many beefs as I have with Games Workshop, they’re at least aware that both sides of a combat need to be reasonably competent, as opposed to Academia Nut, who thinks that basically making Tzeentchji get in fistfights with a baby somehow makes him look better instead of like someone who can’t do anything better.

*Sitting in the guest sporker chair is a red-skinned woman, towering even by the standards of Emma’s co-sporkers, and wearing an outrageous amount of gold and lapis lazuli jewelry*

Magdalene the Red: Why am I here? Sophia is concerned with the sanctity of Chaos, Mortarion doesn’t like anything but complaining… what does this have to do with me?

Shinobu: Defending the honor of your Legion, for one, especially post Space Marine 2. Yeah, those crystal flames almost make me sad Futaba didn’t run off with me to join the version in Sophia’s universe, it’d at least look cool…but I digress. We have a very stupid take on the Thousand Sons here.

Magda: Ah. I see.

Nocht: The good news is, it’s mostly desperately filling in the missing fight scenes, so a lot of it is skippable. The bad news is, it’s still boring and misogynistic where it isn’t…with the exception of one daemon, which is an unfortunate flagrant display of the most shallow and untoward aspects of Slaanesh.

Diego: To say nothing of continuing to never understand how Chaos thinks. In any of the four Dark Gods. Also, we may end up talking about Warhammer’s sister game, and how it actually made Chaos a sympathetic-ish faction. And why it pisses off the toxic fandom so much.

[Trigger warning: Even moar slavery apologia and related abuse, as well as a TON of pedophilia-adjacent stuff. And incest undertones. And threats of sexual assault. And just plain pedophilia and discussion of incest. There is a reason we call Filo the Horror.]

[Image heavy by necessity]

[Link to das_spoking.]

[Scripts are from https://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewforum.php?f=2415, not sporker original work]

[Cut to the sporking chamber, which is now rather…gothy. And piratey. And damp]

Wanderer2691: [Pokes at a scuttling bone-white crab] Uh, Lels? Why are all the co-sporkers you tie yourself to supervillains?

Leliel: [Shrugs] I can be an edgy boy sometimes, and I always like the thematic of an outcast who does good despite being rather terrifying and with a nature that wants to be a baddie.

Luz: Hey, no shade from me. My girlfriend specializes in creating zombie muck monsters, having a hot vampire pirate husbando is hardly aiming low.

Iana: [Purring happily in Suspire’s arms] Well…I cheated. He is, after all, my destined partner. And he is cute enough I don’t feel the need to fight the Bond too hard…and as a fair warning, I’m going to spend the next two episodes wrapped around my dear Eastern sea crow. I need mental healing.

Suspire: Quite. Welcome back to Rising of the Shield Hero, wherein we get two episodes following…That Thing, aka Filo, as she does not develop a better and less timber-shivering second impression, along with full hints of how deep Naofumi’s greed runs.

( The true cost of Golden Not-Chocobo breeding. )

[Trigger warning: Slavery apologia, pedophilia undertones, general misogyny, sex slavery as a joke. Also, spoilers for a decades-old anime in the form of Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood. And, oh yes, mentioned FRONTAL NUDITY OF A MINOR HOLY SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SERIES.]

[Mobile warning: Image heavy by necessity, and a lot of images are pretty big. Prepare to side-scroll]

[Link to mirror on Das Sporking]

Leliel: [Long, pained moan…]

Anne: …I’d ask why, but I saw the other spork they’re working on - check Thousand Shinji, Chapter 14, it’s the one divided into two parts. [Hollow look] My innocence will never come back.

Wanderer2691: Yeah…not only do we have…that chapter we’re recovering from, at the end of this pair of chapters, we’re going to get the most skeevy character in this show on a conceptual level…and it starts with Naofumi, essentially, declaring his allegiance to slavery as a concept because…”respect for others.” Buck up folks, this is gonna be a long one.

Yukiko: [Rigid, terrifying smile] This show is making me root for the hypothetical alien invaders. At least working in the resource mines of Imperator Opresson The XIIIth is universal equality at the bottom.

Chie: Yeah…and the fact the sporking chamber seems to have a leak isn’t helping. [Pokes a wet spot with her foot] Also, there’s four dots in some heavy shadow here, and it’s making me feel a little superstitious…

[Trigger warning: It bares repeating, this entire chapter is about a date rape and the aftermath thereof. Along with alcohol abuse, general skeeviness, ableism, murder, misogyny, abuse, mind rape, underage sex, incest, body horror, gruesome death, loss of agency, self-harm, suicide…this might well be the most unintentionally gross chapter in this fic. BE ADVISED.]

[Image heavy]

[Link to mirror on Das sporking.]

[Cut to the Sporking Chamber - which now has easily available barf bags and a comfort chamber full of stuffed animals and a firing range]

Futaba: [Wordless, horrified staring at the descriptor of this chapter]

Nocht: …I fear no evil. No traitor, no alien, no daemon. But the particular title you have chosen for this spork…it scares me.

Mortarion: Good. That is a sign your blind fanaticism has not completely eclipsed your common sense.

Shinobu: …is it too late to extend the work strike…?

Leliel: Keep in mind Taion nearly went full Nurgle on us, and Diego is…probably needed to help Vulkan - Good Vulkan - through the realization that in our part of the multiverse, another version of him became Tzeentchji, in the spitefic. Plus, it was kind of you that suggested it, so if someone drew the karmic short straw of exposing innocent Xenoblade characters to this fucking mess…

Shinobu: Ah, the consequences of my own actions…

Wanderer2691: But seriously - there’s not a polite way to put this - besides the incredible length, we had to split it into two parts, because the first part;

[THE ENTIRE FIRST HALF OF THIS CHAPTER IS ABOUT A FETISHIZED INSTANCE OF DATE RAPE BY WOMEN ON A MAN AND THE CIRCUMSTANCES LEADING TO IT, AND WE ARE SUPPOSED TO FIND IT HUMOROUS. IN ADDITION, THERE ARE SEVERAL MESSY OFFSCREEN DEATHS OF CHARACTERS AND OTHER GENERAL ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS. THIS IS COMBINED WITH ABLEISM RELATED TO NEURODIVERGENCE, AS WELL AS FLIPPANT POTRAYAL OF SELF-HARM AND SUICIDE. WE IMPLORE YOU, IF DO NOT FEEL UP TO DEALING WITH THESE TOPICS, PLEASE DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF TO READ THIS.]

( YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED )

[Trigger warning: Described sex, ‘humorous’ sexual assault, mind rape, and groping, general misogyny, biphobia, biphobic misogyny, brainwashing, suicide and mutilation. Basically, this chapter sucks.]

[Image heavy]

[Link to mirror on Das_Sporking]

[Back in the Sporking Chamber, where we have three new guests - who, by expression, now want to be anywhere else.]

Gray-Haired Youth: I…what?

Glowing Redhead: [Bland, frozen smile while screaming for the sweet release of death with her eyes] Well that was…an interesting description.

Short Catgirl: …No. No, nae, never, not doing it, never in a million years- [runs for the exit]

Leliel: [Closes shutter doors] Yep, good reason to install those…oh hey! Welcome back to the spork, where we have read our guest sporkers in on the job and…well, reacted as we expected them to. [Dodges catgirl nails]

Emma: In our defense, there’s no good way to be eased into Thousand Shinji.

Wanderer2691: Yeah, we chose to be honest about it, and how much of a harem focus this chapter is…and what we expect of Tzeentchji in this.

Gray-Haired Youth: And…and this is a ‘hero’ to this prick’s world, huh? Makes you think Malos had the right idea…and for similar reasons, at that. It doesn’t even look fun from the horny perspective to have girls this…obsessive over you.

Glowing Redhead: That’s because you’re a decent person at all, Rex. And…I suppose we need a quick rundown, so we can get this over with quickly. Nia?

Nia: [Hisses in defeated frustration] …Fine. If it gets us out of here faster and leads to this arsehole being sealed far away from our world…I’ll let Rex start off while I take a few breaths to avoid my introduction being one long string of swears.

Leliel: Trust us, you wouldn’t raise an eyebrow.

[Trigger Warning: Emotional abuse, body horror, mentioned animal death, torture.]

[Image/gif heavy]

[Link to das-sporking for members here]

Nocht: …Well. This was…not what I expected…

Leliel: [Looks up from giant bowl of tea-like liquid] What, the chubbiness? Even if we are far-removed echos of each other, I wasn’t born into a relatively functional ecumenopolis in a rather less functional empire. I’ve got time, food, and luxury to become soft.

Wanderer2691: …I think he means the shirt.

Leliel: [Looks at luau shirt covered in Imperial skulls and Aquilas.] Ah. Yeah, turns out that version of the Imperium is actually somewhat livable, that Shrine World’s gift shop only did sane price-gouging for pilgrims. Got some nice tanna too, though I’m pretty sure this is not actually tanna, on the basis I can drink it without my tongue plotting sedition against me.

Futaba: [Haggard expression] Can I have some of that? Because…I looked at your notes, and…ugh, I’m already suffering bonus objective failure regret at not being able to stab anyone with that chainsword…at least it’d be different…

Sophia: [Perks up] An interesting turn of phase. One I am in full agreement over, as it is clear that this fiction fears anything novel for all of its pretensions of making Tzeentchji more capable of agency.

Shinobu: [Uncomfortable look] Yeah…I thankfully missed that, but going by the notes, this chapter isn’t just a retread. It’s the fic actively forcing things to remain on the rails of the plot when Warhammer threatens to change it into an honest AU, and of course, mismanaging Misato.

[Trigger Warning: Emotional abuse, sexual themes, video compilation involving both accidental sexual harassment (yes, really) and assault.]

[Mildly image heavy.]

[Also, a sporker’s descent into fictional violent insanity.]

[Link to das_sporking version of this post]

Leliel: [Weird expression that he is quite clearly trying to pull his face out of.]

Wanderer2691: …you feeling alright there, Lels?

Leliel: I have literally cringed so hard reading this chapter that my face is stuck in that expression. It’s not comfortable, but it’s not the worst.

Shinobu: …and yet somehow, I feel this will be close to it. Because…you described this chapter as ‘cheap 90s harem comedy.’

Diego: Also, there was that blank room filled with nothing by “ALL SELF-PITY AND NO YUCKS MAKES JACK A DULL BOY” on the walls in the blood of a Genestealer Magus you dismembered with an actual spork after beating him to death with the collected volumes of Rent-A-Girlfiend with the pages being your brush.

Leliel: Yeah…I was having a moment, and seeing the centerpiece of a literal breeding cult after a bit of Sophia’s Chaos influence seeped in through the wards kinda set me off…

Sophia: [Shameless grin]

Wanderer2691: Yeah…my co-sporker had to watch the kind of anime this… alleged chapter apes to make sure that he wasn’t chasing phantoms and wasn’t seeing things - and that brought back some bad memories of being a kid who didn’t understand who this Tenchi guy was on Toonami or who all these weird girls were. Because this is not only filler, it’s the kind of filler that was directly inspired by a personal bane of Leliel’s existence - 90s-esque slice of life romantic comedies. And if you have seen one of them - you’d know. So, let’s get this out of the way before he emblazons himself with the eight-pointed star and starts burning planets filled with aliens that look suspiciously like conventionally attractive human women and act like it?




( Buzzing In a Perverse Mind )