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leliel_12[Trigger warnings: Slavery apologia, and so forth - but also violence, physical and emotional abuse of children, child death, torture, misogyny, discussion of possible sexual assault of children, and all of the above used as part of slavery apologia. Also a gag horror video with a well-telegraphed jump-scare, and description of real-life body horror due to incest. And a discussion of gender and retconning nonconformity for marketing.]
[Image heavy by necessity]
[Spoiler for Metaphor: ReFantazio]
[Link to das_sporking fork]
[Again, all scripts are from here, not sporker original work: https://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewforum.php?f=2415]
Leliel: [Rubs eyes] Well, that was a nice break, but unfortunately, I can’t in good conscience keep avoiding this…
Wanderer: And, well, I quit the last sporking in the last chapters. It only seems fair. Issue is…well, hoo boy. It’s these episodes.
Yukiko: …you’ve said that about The Horror before. How many “these episodes” are there?!
Chie: Given how awful the show is, I’m thinking it’s an every-other spork thing…
Iana: [Checking itinerary, disgusted] Actually, there’s a good reason why: These are the episodes that are going to, quote, “explain”, unquote, why Naofumi is such a superior master and a better option compared to Raphtalia’s old one. And how he saved her from the aftereffects of frankly ridiculous levels of abuse.
Yukiko: Oh. Joy.
Leliel: Yeah, remember how I said this is going to be a testament to attempting to shock Warhammer 40K fans? Yeah, we’re going to see some dark shit…dark juvenile shit that fails to address any actual issue in slavery. But of course, this show can’t do that, because if it did…[gestures in Naofumi’s direction]
[Image heavy by necessity]
[Spoiler for Metaphor: ReFantazio]
[Link to das_sporking fork]
[Again, all scripts are from here, not sporker original work: https://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewforum.php?f=2415]
Leliel: [Rubs eyes] Well, that was a nice break, but unfortunately, I can’t in good conscience keep avoiding this…
Wanderer: And, well, I quit the last sporking in the last chapters. It only seems fair. Issue is…well, hoo boy. It’s these episodes.
Yukiko: …you’ve said that about The Horror before. How many “these episodes” are there?!
Chie: Given how awful the show is, I’m thinking it’s an every-other spork thing…
Iana: [Checking itinerary, disgusted] Actually, there’s a good reason why: These are the episodes that are going to, quote, “explain”, unquote, why Naofumi is such a superior master and a better option compared to Raphtalia’s old one. And how he saved her from the aftereffects of frankly ridiculous levels of abuse.
Yukiko: Oh. Joy.
Leliel: Yeah, remember how I said this is going to be a testament to attempting to shock Warhammer 40K fans? Yeah, we’re going to see some dark shit…dark juvenile shit that fails to address any actual issue in slavery. But of course, this show can’t do that, because if it did…[gestures in Naofumi’s direction]
Episode 14: Everlasting Memory
Wanderer: So, where were we again?
Wanderer: Ah yes, mass arson from the Red Menace. Semi-relatedly, I think there’s a more appropriate theme for this scene then what’s in it:
Iana: Feels…too dignified.
Leliel: Trust us, Malty is pretty close to the ultimate source of that theme and its core leitmotif. Except her writers don’t realize she’s a pathetic joke of a woman. Oh, and speaking of, apparently this is part of a scheme…somehow. Which going by the expression of her guard here…
Is supposed to be rather clever.
Chie: …I counted at least eight guys helping her burn the woods, to say nothing of any passing witnesses. Any one could be a leak and suddenly Malty is stammering out explanations as to why she destroyed a bunch of perfectly good land to some pissed-off dukes and put her sister - the heir to the throne - in severe danger. Brilliant!
RED MENACE: 82
RISING OF THE CONTRIVANCE LEVELS: 422
Yukiko: But anyway, Naofumi and company realize they’re being smoked out, can’t reach Stilvelt due to the fire and the guards offering a bounty on “Melty’s kidnapper” with posters, but as the Shadow says, the audience with the Queen is still open. Not seeing any other choice, they decide on the detour, and after the opening…
Iana: Oh, grand. A slaver hub. Joyyyyy.
Leliel: Nah, not convenient enough. Because…
{RAPHTALIA} There are so many demi-humans in this region.
{NAOFUMI} Sure are...
{MELTY} I wonder... Oh, right!
{FILO} What is it, Melty?
{MELTY} Well, I know the nobleman in charge of this region. He's a good man. He might just be able to help us out.
{NAOFUMI} A nobleman?
[MELTY] These days, humans treat demi-humans like slaves, but in the past, some nobility encouraged peaceful relations between the races.
Iana: …Ah, I see what you mean. Completely unrelated image:
(https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExY3Y3YnpyOXpzemIybXg1dDB2b3ZkcTNhem9tcTJjNDNidDd6cmMzdiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/em91409tVRqxi/giphy.gif)
Yukiko: [Hand on face] Agreed. How else can we describe it other than very convenient that we happen to just get in the lands of an abolitionist? When, in fact, we know for a fact demihumans are used as chattel slavery more often? I see them working the fields in large numbers, my immediate worry is “oh dear, I’ve walked into a slave plantation, and now I need to look out for gross Americans who desperately want to be French.”
Chie: Yeah, Django Unchained was great, thank you for your recommendation, Makoto Niijima. But back to the show - it’s even worse, because Melty claims the leader of the equality faction was a good man whose supporters were banished to remote regions after he died in the first Wave by Aultcray, and as it turns out, Raphtalia’s old home was something governed by the leader of the liberal faction. According to her…
Chie: Basically, this show is trying to claim the source of all bigotry is Aultcray, but Mirella will make it all better, totally! …Except that as we already know, the very religion of the land and literal mechanics of the world are used as justifications for making demihumans other than human. And given how the army was raring to go, something tells me they were already chomping at the bit. I might want to be a cop, but I can tell when someone is in need of the Internal Affairs stick, badly.
Wanderer: In fact, according to the wiki, it seems like the Lord of Seyaette (in the dub’s translation, the wiki spells it Seaetto) was Mirellia’s right-hand man. Except, then Mel drops this banger of a line:
[MELTY] I'm so sorry.
{RAPHTALIA} But, Melty, it's not like it was your fault.
[MELTY] As royalty, there must have been something we could have done. But we did nothing to help.
[Long silence]
Iana: [Flatly] A top courtier. Was killed. In a monster invasion.
Chie: Uh-huh.
Iana: The less powerful. Spouse. Immediately undercut. Her authority. And banished. His allies. To the frontier.
Yukiko: Yyyyep.
Iana: And actively. Ransacked. And enslaved. His heirs. Own. Serfs. And renters.
Leliel: Pretty much.
Iana: And Mirellia. Did. Fucking. Nothing.
Wanderer: Looks that way.
[Reign of Dead Silence The I-Lost-Count, The Better-Than-Mirellia.]
Iana: One moment! I need to call up a nephwrack friend of mine, they’re not homicidally nihilistic, just dedicated to music and irony above all else in terms of hedonism in the face of ultimate pointlessness - yes Grand Dirge? Can you get the Choir of Mockery on - thank you! Ahem, Your Highness, this is for you:
Chie: [Slightly pale] …Never have I felt so insultedly terrified before.
Leliel: [Gingerly steps over the ROFLing Yukiko] So, uh, yeah. Great going there. We have a much better place for discussing how this show is basically isolating the evils of slavery and prejudice to a few bad apples, but in so doing, it manages to expose just how much of a complete and absolute moron the Queen is. Even if she wasn’t explicitly close to the previous Lord, this is such a massive undercut of her authority that even if it was done with her tacit approval - the only way this soldier raid makes sense - she looks like an incredibly weak, spineless, and tyrannical queen. It’s not even a “good tsar, bad boyars” situation where the responsibility for unpopular actions is dumped on the nobles, it’s clearly the royals doing this - which means that someone is going to start thinking the royal family needs some, ahem, changes soon…a lot of those people being aristocrats she just neglected to stop her own men from running roughshod over a peer’s land…
Wanderer: See, here’s where I think Mirellia being evil here would make more sense - because while it is a stupid action, her building up hatred of her husband behind the scenes while portraying herself as a saint cruelly removed would be almost sensible, and have a chance of working to apparently fix the problems she caused to consolidate power. As opposed to this, where she, I dunno, didn’t feel like it. And in honor of that, fifty points to each relevant count, as it’s clearly being done to make excuses for how toxic this world’s slave culture is too!
GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRL-LOSS: 448
RISING OF THE CONTRIVANCE LEVELS: 471
PROPERTY OF COP-OUT: 605
Iana: Also, checking time…this is about five minutes into the first episode of this duology. It is very much “those episodes.” [Makes strangled cat noises as she cradles her head.]
Yukiko: [Slowly recovering] Haa…hah. Ahem. So, anyway, Mel tells Raphtalia to basically inform her of what the soldiers looked like for some much-delayed justice…which raises the question of how she was even there, as she was shoved into the water, but a wiki check makes it clear she went back to the village to look for her parents after the Wave was over. Which makes sense, actually (she was in denial), so no point. That’s when Melty’s contact shows up:
Wanderer: Huh, he looks…neutral. The pez-nez and high-collar cloak are generally evil-tagged, especially with the squint, but the fact he has messy hair and is first shown in a humble area indicates he’s genuinely humble. Since this show is very shallow, he genuinely comes off as someone you can’t make assumptions at first glance…which says more about the show and its laziness than his design, but still. Anyway, introductions, he is introduced, and-
NAOFUMI] Wait, this wimp is the nobleman she was talking about?
Leliel: …Why hello there Motoyasu, fancy meeting you here, as opposed to Naofumi. Especially given how wow, that was unwarranted. What’s with the sudden manliness insults?
I HATE YOU SHIELD GUY: 507
{NAOFUMI}: But his stealth is off the charts. How the hell did he do that?
Wanderer: An excellent question! As this man is a minor character who doesn’t really matter past this mini-arc, it will never be answered, and this guy is kind of pointless! …seriously, though, what is with that, I think “the noble supporter of equal rights” is an extremely useful ally and supporting character to have, it gives you a sympathetic window into Melromarc’s noble politics that aren’t just royals. There’s an entire peerage beneath Mel. So I’m going to get this out of the way first:
OTHER WORLDS’ WORTH OF FILLER: 8
Chie: Yeah, what’s even the point of that whole discussion of politics if he just vanishes later? But yeah, Van here takes them to his manor and confirms Malty's claiming that Naofumi started the fires to cover his tracks…except that he was already looking for Mel, and guessed Malty was pulling it from her ass. Probably because, uh, wildfire where Naofumi was staying, with the hostage he’s using as death proof against the royals even if he actually kidnapped her. Malty, subtle and brilliant strategist, you are not.
RED MENACE: 83
Iana: For the most part, this is just a cute scene, but…
{NAOFUMI} We're not gonna be here that long. We're leaving tomorrow morning at dawn.
{MELTY} But why so soon?
[NAOFUMI] The longer we stay, the higher the odds of us being sniffed out.
{MELTY} Well, yes, but I was, ehm… I was hoping to be able to rest a little more.
{VAN} Princess Melty, if you'll allow me to say so, it appears you've grown.
[MELTY] Huh?
{VAN} In the past, you used to affect a mature attitude that went beyond your years… However, since you've been traveling with the Shield Hero, I'd say it's helped you to grow, and I mean that in a good way.
[NAOFUMI] I'm pretty sure you mean it in a bad way.
{VAN} What?! You keep quiet, you--!
[NAOFUMI] Quit making such a racket, we're trying to eat here...
[MELTY] Whose fault do you think that is?!
Iana: …is it wrong this entire conversation rubs me in an off-putting way? Like…maybe it is my own responsibility complex showing, but “wise beyond your years” is generally not a flaw to be let go of. No points, as Naofumi snarks about it, but Mel acting immature to be mature is…weird.
Leliel: Yeah, I dunno if this is a Japanese thing or not, so I’m going to log this as “confusing” and move on.
Wanderer: I will say that Mel notices, and she’s a bit embarrassed…but according to Filo…
I know, all you have to do is get him to dote on you just like he does us. It's simple!
Yukiko: [Turns green] …and yes, going by Melty’s embarrassed reaction, this is supposed to be exactly what you think from The Horror. It was so nice, not having this particular count go up…
FBI OPEN THE PORTAL: 445
PROPERTY OF COP-OUT: 606 (Reminder: This “doting” involves a slave brand with shock capabilities.)
Wanderer: Anyhow, cut back to Aultcray, who’s freaking out his missing daughter and still thinking Malty wants to save her…because his care for both his kids is matched only by his gullibility when convenient…
RISING OF THE CONTRIVANCE LEVELS: 472
And then there’s…an actually nice scene where Naofumi comforts a nervous Mel that her safety comes before her duties. Which goes to show that being very forgettable, here, makes Mel one of the best parts of the totes-not-an-harem. She actually has agency. Then Raphtalia has a bit of a foreshadowing nightmare of her friend Rifana being dragged around by a chain…
And then Naofumi sees a problem.
Chie: As it turns out, a noble from a neighboring town came over and accused Van of harboring Naofumi, and here, I have no problems - besides being right, currently Aultcray is turning the kingdom upside-down looking for Melty. If there’s even the barest suspicion she might be somewhere, even a formal warrant system to remove the owner from the premises to search the area is kind of pointless due to him being free with forgiveness over permission. So Naofumi and Raphtalia hide, but Mel comes out to greet the soldiers and their boss - holy shit man what is wrong with your face!?
Iana: Seriously! I’ve seen some unfortunate victims of inbreeding in my time - I’m third cousins with a few, poor Somsak with his epilepsy and bum arm - but this man looks like he lost a fight with a steam press! I actually feel bad about mocking him.
Leliel: Hoo boy. Meet the end of the relatively easy time we’ve had…Raphtalia’s old owner. Idol Rabier.
Yukiko: [Sputters] I’m sorry, what Rabier?
Leliel: Yes. His first name is literally Idol. And this is a more full image of him from the wiki. Try to guess what his thing is from appearance alone!
(https://shield-hero.fandom.com/wiki/Idol_Rabier/Image_Gallery)
Chie: [Deadpan] He’s supposed to be a bad apple, isn’t he? The guy Raphtalia supposedly traded up from. Because slaves are notorious for having a choice in the matter.
Wanderer: Bingo. More will be saved for later, but seriously - this man is not truly a character. He’s a scapegoat. A stalking horse to lead away not only complaints about Naofumi’s attitude…but also that of Melromarc’s nobility as a whole.
Yukiko: But…distinct name and probable legitimate reason to hate political marriages that are meant to control power and not ensure deep gene pools aside, Rabier’s introduction is actually pretty good, as Raphtalia is clearly scared and enraged to see her abuser, but (in the context of this show), is healthy enough to go to “fight” rather than “flee” or “fawn”, clearly biting back the urge to kill him before he starts on Melty - despite the fact that, genre savvy aside, that is not what’s apparently happening. Rather, Mel is obviously getting his attention and turning herself in as a ransom so that she can clear Naofumi’s name, since as far as she knows, Rabier isn’t with her sister and he’ll just send her back to Aultcray, where it’ll become clear she’s not brainwashed and will be safer under his eyes - particularly given how Rabier and Aultcray are mild political rivals, so he’s probably not friends with Malty but recognizes it’s good to get an in with the royal family. However, as an “intermediate step” while he arranges transport to the capital, he takes her to the capital, and after he, his guards, and Mel leave, Naofumi and Raphtalia leave the closet they were hiding in and…
Yukiko: You know, given how we just had an ally extracted and a friend more or less forced to leave, while Filo is just remaining hidden out of stubbornness, I’m almost willing to forgive Naofumi in this next moment:
{NAOFUMI} Filo! Get out here now! This is an order!
[FILO] Ow!
Iana: …wouldn’t that thing have kept going if it was an impossible order? Like, she was captured, and so could not show herself?
Leliel: I don’t want to stretch, but we know Naofumi has had to specifically order Raphtalia to save herself to turn it off, so disturbingly plausible…and it’s notable he turns to this as his first call after she annoys him and the maids, instead of begging her to come out. Certainly not a “comic” scene, especially when he shifts blame to Filo…for what turns out to be taking Melty’s instructions overly literally and thinking she was playing a game, because that’s what Mel told her.
PROPERTY OF COP-OUT: 607
I HATE YOU SHIELD GUY: 508
Wanderer: But anyway, more mostly good scenes; Filo is all for saving Melty once she’s up to speed, and Naofumi is suspicious of Idol because…well, look at him, plus Raphtalia’s instant tensing up. He realizes that Melty believed in him, so even from a selfish viewpoint he can’t just leave her, and while he can tell Idol spooks Raph, she tags along even when offered the option to stay. Moreover, Naofumi and Raphtalia have a perfect distraction due to how Van’s subjects, especially his demihuman ones, are rioting at Idol’s front gates. Given how much Idol is shown to have a reputation for hating demihumans, this isn’t even that much of a contrivance, it’s a sincere reaction one would expect from a power grab that affected a popular local lord with an extra level of racial charge. Idol, for his part, is more miffed than anything, and is beating Van senseless in front of Mel to get them to tell him where the Shield Devil is. But, this is when he reveals something important to Mel:
{IDOL} As you can see, we're having a bit of a difficult time getting him to cooperate. I would very much like to avoid getting rough with you if that's at all possible.
Yukiko: …he’s threatening to torture the princess. To get the guy he supposedly saved her from. Uh, wow. That’s a great way to, uh…do anything with the royal family ever. Maybe Malty, but as we’ve shown, there’s no proof he even knows her personally. Genius.
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 449
Leliel: Oh, it gets worse. Because his logic?
{IDOL} But as a humble servant of God, my dear,
That is my holy duty, dear princess.
Chie: …And clearly, preserving the order of the world, the divine right of your king, and protecting children aren’t, especially given how the official byline is that Melty is brainwashed! If you actually believed that, you’d be trying to exorcise her, because you know for a fact she didn’t! In fact, isn’t your king a strong supporter, so you should be on your best behavior to make sure that Melty has a good impression of the faith and its adherents especially when her father discovers what you’ve been doing? Balmung will be overjoyed to cut you loose and make you a blame sink, and he’d be entirely right to! Oh yeah, except of course, this is the Diet JRPG Corrupt Church, where clearly, Holy Symbol Equals Bad, Because Otherwise We Might Have To Think Of Actual Motives. Nothing about preserving old power structures or traditions that are important to the adherents, or how a lot of crusades are done to win the favor of internal factions for power while not being a total cynic, just My Faith Says So. Also…Melty reacts with surprise and shock to this, because the idea the state religion has adherents among nobles is really shocking. Uh-huh.
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 451 (One for the whole faith-in-place-of-motive, another for Mel being surprised that Idol was an adherent - especially with that name.)
Iana: More good scenes, Rabier’s troops are swiftly beaten while Raphtalia edges away from what’s clearly an entrance to her old slave pen underground, while battling flashbacks. After passing a rune-covered obelisk, Naofumi poisons a guard and blackmails him with an antidote in return for directions to Melty - not scoring, it happened in the midst of battle and is showing practical mercy - and then Rabier, having clearly run out of patience, advances on Mel.
{IDOL} I want to see it become despair, and watch as your face warps in agony. Come on, let me have a good look at you!
Leliel and Wanderer: [Stare, and then start laughing]
Wanderer: “GAAAR! ME BIG STRONK RAPEY CARICATURE OF UGLY MAN! TAKE SERIOUSLY!”
Leliel: “UGGA! THIS MATURE SERIES! WE HAVE TEN YEAR OLDS THREATENED WITH TORTURE BY UGLY SADISTS! WE GOOD AND MATURE AUTHORS, MOST AM BRAINY IN CAVE! UNGH!”
Yukiko: [Suppresses own laugh] I think they have a point they want to make later, but yes. This is…well. This is about what we expect from this show. And not at all the kind of thing that Idol, as a traditional “weaker” gender, would expect to do, not in this fashion - more like goading her to be strong enough to fight back or show how worthless she is, as the matriarchal queen. Still abuse and torture, but…you know, actually born of toxic matriarchy being reflected on an important girl.
GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRL-LOSS: 452
Chie: Of course, it’s at this moment that Filo busts in, and Naofumi separates Idol and Mel in the struggle. More good scenes, as Mel and Naofumi reunite, and Idol goes berserk with that whip we showed earlier at Raphtalia…who completely ignores it and the mild damage it causes as she corners him.
Iana: If this show had an attitude towards all slavers like that, we’d be singing a different tune. As it is…well, I think our Mid-Duology Rant is about to show how manipulative these two things are. Leliel, Wanderer? The floor is yours.
Wanderer: Ahem! See, you’ll notice we said a lot of scenes were pretty good. We stand by that. In isolation, this is a pretty good episode that confronts Raphtalia’s past and shows that yes, Naofumi is an enemy and demonic figure in the state religion of this nation, so naturally he has would-be crusaders looking for clout by being the one to defeat the Shield Devil - while also believing in the doctrine of human superiority. In isolation.
Leliel: In context, Naofumi is Raphtalia’s new owner, and Idol is being used to draw a distinct contrast to “good” nobles. Now, let’s just stop here and say that no, not all nobles are evil - before the printing press and greater centralization, inherited power is one of the few ways to maintain some amount of coordination and yes, liberty through order (can’t really call a bandit clan where the biggest and most ruthless stick rules “free”) over a large area. But the fact is, the issue with inherited power is that it is inherited - it creates inherent animosity between ruler and ruled, and a sense of entitlement on the part of the ruler. Moreover, in a feudal system, where all nobles are to a degree warlords who rule by ability to outfit and command trained troops, it breeds a certain amount of…ruthless detachment. Because then you start seeing your subjects as resources to be spent in, well, feuds, hence the term. (Well, okay, “feud” actually comes from a Latin term for “fiefs”, but there’s a reason it became synonymous with “fight”).
Wanderer: We’re not going to drag politics in here more than that, but feudalism was a system that collapsed in the wake of the Black Plague for a reason - the moment there weren’t enough peasants to have a bunch of tiny little pocket kingdoms and instead had collective bargaining power due to being the only ones with labor ability, that was the moment feudalism as we knew it suddenly had an expiration date - and it’s telling that many peasants who suffered under feudalism preferred autocracy, rule by the royal court and monarch directly, because at least that meant one set of rules and laws for everyone. And the thing is, the reason feudalism collapsed was that its issues were systemic - the social structure was not something that was deliberate, but the result of the way the Western Roman Empire collapsed into a bunch of feuding military states and jobless mercenaries, and only kept going because people got used to it as a semi-stable system, especially given how Europe as a continent is notorious for having a bunch of countries that hate each other and were prone to fighting at a moment’s notice during the Middle Ages. The reason the Japanese recognize that samurai during the Sengoku period and knights of the European Middle Ages are so similar is that the Middle Ages and Sengoku period were about as politically stable. If given a choice, most of Europe would have happily gone back to the Roman method of doing things with its nice clean roads and well-organized, logical, and peaceful civitas, thanks. (Yes, Rome was a notoriously bloodthirsty and militaristic empire, but they liked maintaining order and making being part of Rome seem like a good thing, and that meant good bureaucracy.)
Leliel: Point is, the evils of a noble class, especially a feudal one where nobles are largely independent which Melromarc seems to have, are largely baked in. They need to establish control over their subjects, and if that’s not done through honey - and there’s a reason that ol’ Nicky Machiavelli said that if you must choose between fear and love, bet on fear, it’s more reliable - and to win favor, they need to outcompete each other. Both in terms of hard and soft power, hence a lot of “noble fashion” that is based around conspicuous consumption to show off your wealth and breadth of taste.
Iana: I’d like to intervene here and say that I know for a fact that this is common to all nobles…even ones who aren’t human. During a diplomatic expedition with my fellows in the Silver Pact, I visited the Eastern city of Wolf’s Paw, formerly Quill. Formerly, as Wolf’s Paw is near the fae-touched Uskwood, where consumption of fresh meat from animals there grants you greater intellect, and all animals can speak - the herbivores are all mostly parrots it’s disturbing to hunt, but anything above their trophic level quickly digests their way into true sapience and then some. The local lupine and corvid population, already being social by nature, realized the neighboring humans were born with long lifespans and opposable thumbs, and that threats of violence combined with demonstrated promises of protection led to one becoming a human’s master. So a few wars later…well, this is a portrait of the Gildenferr clan of bankers entertaining guests at a festival:
(Source: Exalted: Across the Eight Directions)
Yukiko: [Jaw slack, gazing on in wonder] …Please tell me they have overly formal language and posh accents. That would make this the best. Thing. Ever.
Chie: …I’d like to meet their tailor. But, yeah, apart from…the obvious, they do look like pretty generic aristocrats. Heck, I think those shirts could be worn by a lot of humans, definitely the hats. They’re clearly not “embracing the power of the wolf”, they’re trying to be fashionable.
Iana: Exactly. Even the literally animal-given-intelligence is showing the same social jockeying. There’s a violent edge to Wolf’s Paw noble politics due to wolves being literally predatory carnivores and with far faster and larger generations, but it’s been sublimated into mostly social conflict for both practical reasons and because they realize the humans that are their subjects live several times as long as they do, are endurance runners, and have thumbs reliably without having to rely on the far caprice of the Wyld. They know the humans can complain very loudly if the wolves start looking less inviting than the jungle that surrounds them, especially if commoner wolves agree - and that means that they can be just as shallow and supercilious as any Champoori professional ass-kisser. It’s almost heartwarming to see how far they’ve come.
Wanderer: Iana’s commentary on Best Noble Boys aside, there’s also something else we need to bring up - something we brought up as a joke, but is a symptom of actual aristocratic issues: Inbreeding.
(https://dna-sci.com/2021/04/18/charles-ii-habsburg-of-spain-what-exactly-was-up-with-his-dna/)
The most infamous example of this, the Habsburg Dynasty of Spain, is a case study. See, here’s the other issue of inherited power: Who inherits? If the local legitimate heir happens to belong to a country you’re currently at war with, or had a falling out with, or a bunch of other reasons, you’re in kind of a pickle. But, the less spread your genetics are - and with it, your claim - the less heirs there are, and the more consolidated you are…which sounds great, until you realize that sooner or later, that means you’re going to have to start marrying a lot of cousins, and beyond the “erm”, factor, that’s a great way to leave your line vulnerable to genetic diseases. Which is exactly what the Spanish branch of the Hapsburgs did, and in later generations, as the family tree started to resemble more of a family circle, it…didn’t end well. Ask poor Charles II the Bewitched here:
(https://medium.com/@annesalami/cursed-by-blood-the-tragic-story-of-king-charles-ii-of-spain-the-bewitched-habsburg-monarch-bfacee8df263)
Iana: …I believe someone may have accidentally put up a political cartoon, this is clearly vandalized to make him look lopsid-
Leliel: This is an official portrait. This was something his painter made to make him look accurate, but more handsome.
Iana: …Oh. Oh no.
Wanderer: Yeah. Uh, let’s just quote the official website dedicated to the Hapsburgs (https://www.habsburger.net/en/chapter/charles-ii-last-spanish-habsburg) on him:
<blockquote>Charles II was the last Spanish ruler from the House of Habsburg. He is regarded as a grotesque reflection of Spain’s decline and a prototypical product of dynastic inbreeding.
The precarious situation of the Spanish Habsburgs, who were on the verge of extinction due to the lack of male heirs, manifested itself in rumours that the son marked so disastrously by the consequences of massive inbreeding was in fact a daughter who had been presented to the world as a boy out of panic that the dynasty was at an end.
The prince was a sorry spectacle, and his feeble health caused the family to fear for his life. Charles was afflicted with an almost bizarre ugliness; in him the classic Habsburg physiognomy – a prognathous jaw and elongated skull – was exaggerated to an almost cartoonish degree.
In the superstitious beliefs of the time, his pitiable condition and physical deformity were interpreted by some as evidence of bewitchment. The abortive attempts made to cure him by his physicians were accompanied by occult practices and exorcisms performed by priests.</quote>
Yukiko:
(https://media1.tenor.com/m/1u6Ya4FsEsYAAAAC/wait-what-blinking.gif)
O…kay then. I just…wow. I’m beginning to realize my parents aren’t that traditional…and being very thankful…
Leliel: And the worst part is…Charles was, by all accounts, a pretty sweet guy. Riddled with learning disabilities and very naive, to be sure - I don’t think truly developmentally disabled, but I would not be surprised if he wasn’t neurotypical, given the everything with his genome, and his love of counting things to calm himself down - but nobody who met him had bad things to say about him personally, just his abysmal health. And the thing is, people around him clearly realized he was going to die and he was not cut out to be king - so they treated him like little more than a pawn while they desperately prayed for a healthier heir from his wife (who was arranged and related to him! Though everything suggests he truly cared for her, though she also suffered incest-related bad health) with a few of his “symptoms” actually being attempts to force out an heir (like making him sleep next to the body of his late father - yeah, yikes). And of course, he came to power while Spain was collapsing already, his beloved wife died and he had to remarry, his congenital conditions only got worse as he aged…by the time he finally died, he might well have been relieved, since being king was being more or less a slave to his court, even beyond his various illnesses. And as one final insult, his final will and testament to keep some power with his family even without an heir was ignored, igniting the War of Spanish Succession.
Chie: Yeah…Bewitched is right. Literally started the day he was born, if not before then.
Wanderer: And this, my friends, is what the actual evils of nobility look like, and why when faced with “ooh, Idol plans to whip the princess, how scaaaaary,” Lels and I just laugh. Even beyond the fact we’re Warhammer fans, and this shit barely registers as edgy to us - we’ve studied history. There’s way worse done for way more interesting reasons, like continuing the family’s power at all costs - and done to the nobles themselves. To reduce it to Good Noble, Bad Noble, a la Gallant and Goofus, isn’t just bad writing, it’s boring.
Leliel: More than that - it’s underhanded. Because this show, unintentionally or not, is also spreading propaganda that says that Idol is an anomaly - blaming all of his evil on the Three Heroes Church implicitly, as opposed to recognizing it’s a part of the culture. The franchise is laying the groundwork for Naofumi’s own myopic morality, by making it so that any noble he is at all friendly with is Good, and any inconvenient or hostile one is Evil. And implicitly, excusing Mirellia, because she blames the Church and her husband for everything too. So, for all that, fifty more points.
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 502
Iana: But, now that we have thoroughly explored why I, a literal royal cousin, vizier, and effective stepsister of an Empress, am also a strong advocate for greater democratization and constitutional monarchies - the less hard power a royal family has, the less it’s torn apart by internal power struggles - let’s go back to the show, and watch as the manipulation cements itself.
Wanderer: Ah yes, mass arson from the Red Menace. Semi-relatedly, I think there’s a more appropriate theme for this scene then what’s in it:
Iana: Feels…too dignified.
Leliel: Trust us, Malty is pretty close to the ultimate source of that theme and its core leitmotif. Except her writers don’t realize she’s a pathetic joke of a woman. Oh, and speaking of, apparently this is part of a scheme…somehow. Which going by the expression of her guard here…
Is supposed to be rather clever.
Chie: …I counted at least eight guys helping her burn the woods, to say nothing of any passing witnesses. Any one could be a leak and suddenly Malty is stammering out explanations as to why she destroyed a bunch of perfectly good land to some pissed-off dukes and put her sister - the heir to the throne - in severe danger. Brilliant!
RED MENACE: 82
RISING OF THE CONTRIVANCE LEVELS: 422
Yukiko: But anyway, Naofumi and company realize they’re being smoked out, can’t reach Stilvelt due to the fire and the guards offering a bounty on “Melty’s kidnapper” with posters, but as the Shadow says, the audience with the Queen is still open. Not seeing any other choice, they decide on the detour, and after the opening…
Iana: Oh, grand. A slaver hub. Joyyyyy.
Leliel: Nah, not convenient enough. Because…
{RAPHTALIA} There are so many demi-humans in this region.
{NAOFUMI} Sure are...
{MELTY} I wonder... Oh, right!
{FILO} What is it, Melty?
{MELTY} Well, I know the nobleman in charge of this region. He's a good man. He might just be able to help us out.
{NAOFUMI} A nobleman?
[MELTY] These days, humans treat demi-humans like slaves, but in the past, some nobility encouraged peaceful relations between the races.
Iana: …Ah, I see what you mean. Completely unrelated image:
(https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExY3Y3YnpyOXpzemIybXg1dDB2b3ZkcTNhem9tcTJjNDNidDd6cmMzdiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/em91409tVRqxi/giphy.gif)
Yukiko: [Hand on face] Agreed. How else can we describe it other than very convenient that we happen to just get in the lands of an abolitionist? When, in fact, we know for a fact demihumans are used as chattel slavery more often? I see them working the fields in large numbers, my immediate worry is “oh dear, I’ve walked into a slave plantation, and now I need to look out for gross Americans who desperately want to be French.”
Chie: Yeah, Django Unchained was great, thank you for your recommendation, Makoto Niijima. But back to the show - it’s even worse, because Melty claims the leader of the equality faction was a good man whose supporters were banished to remote regions after he died in the first Wave by Aultcray, and as it turns out, Raphtalia’s old home was something governed by the leader of the liberal faction. According to her…
Chie: Basically, this show is trying to claim the source of all bigotry is Aultcray, but Mirella will make it all better, totally! …Except that as we already know, the very religion of the land and literal mechanics of the world are used as justifications for making demihumans other than human. And given how the army was raring to go, something tells me they were already chomping at the bit. I might want to be a cop, but I can tell when someone is in need of the Internal Affairs stick, badly.
Wanderer: In fact, according to the wiki, it seems like the Lord of Seyaette (in the dub’s translation, the wiki spells it Seaetto) was Mirellia’s right-hand man. Except, then Mel drops this banger of a line:
[MELTY] I'm so sorry.
{RAPHTALIA} But, Melty, it's not like it was your fault.
[MELTY] As royalty, there must have been something we could have done. But we did nothing to help.
[Long silence]
Iana: [Flatly] A top courtier. Was killed. In a monster invasion.
Chie: Uh-huh.
Iana: The less powerful. Spouse. Immediately undercut. Her authority. And banished. His allies. To the frontier.
Yukiko: Yyyyep.
Iana: And actively. Ransacked. And enslaved. His heirs. Own. Serfs. And renters.
Leliel: Pretty much.
Iana: And Mirellia. Did. Fucking. Nothing.
Wanderer: Looks that way.
[Reign of Dead Silence The I-Lost-Count, The Better-Than-Mirellia.]
Iana: One moment! I need to call up a nephwrack friend of mine, they’re not homicidally nihilistic, just dedicated to music and irony above all else in terms of hedonism in the face of ultimate pointlessness - yes Grand Dirge? Can you get the Choir of Mockery on - thank you! Ahem, Your Highness, this is for you:
Chie: [Slightly pale] …Never have I felt so insultedly terrified before.
Leliel: [Gingerly steps over the ROFLing Yukiko] So, uh, yeah. Great going there. We have a much better place for discussing how this show is basically isolating the evils of slavery and prejudice to a few bad apples, but in so doing, it manages to expose just how much of a complete and absolute moron the Queen is. Even if she wasn’t explicitly close to the previous Lord, this is such a massive undercut of her authority that even if it was done with her tacit approval - the only way this soldier raid makes sense - she looks like an incredibly weak, spineless, and tyrannical queen. It’s not even a “good tsar, bad boyars” situation where the responsibility for unpopular actions is dumped on the nobles, it’s clearly the royals doing this - which means that someone is going to start thinking the royal family needs some, ahem, changes soon…a lot of those people being aristocrats she just neglected to stop her own men from running roughshod over a peer’s land…
Wanderer: See, here’s where I think Mirellia being evil here would make more sense - because while it is a stupid action, her building up hatred of her husband behind the scenes while portraying herself as a saint cruelly removed would be almost sensible, and have a chance of working to apparently fix the problems she caused to consolidate power. As opposed to this, where she, I dunno, didn’t feel like it. And in honor of that, fifty points to each relevant count, as it’s clearly being done to make excuses for how toxic this world’s slave culture is too!
GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRL-LOSS: 448
RISING OF THE CONTRIVANCE LEVELS: 471
PROPERTY OF COP-OUT: 605
Iana: Also, checking time…this is about five minutes into the first episode of this duology. It is very much “those episodes.” [Makes strangled cat noises as she cradles her head.]
Yukiko: [Slowly recovering] Haa…hah. Ahem. So, anyway, Mel tells Raphtalia to basically inform her of what the soldiers looked like for some much-delayed justice…which raises the question of how she was even there, as she was shoved into the water, but a wiki check makes it clear she went back to the village to look for her parents after the Wave was over. Which makes sense, actually (she was in denial), so no point. That’s when Melty’s contact shows up:
Wanderer: Huh, he looks…neutral. The pez-nez and high-collar cloak are generally evil-tagged, especially with the squint, but the fact he has messy hair and is first shown in a humble area indicates he’s genuinely humble. Since this show is very shallow, he genuinely comes off as someone you can’t make assumptions at first glance…which says more about the show and its laziness than his design, but still. Anyway, introductions, he is introduced, and-
NAOFUMI] Wait, this wimp is the nobleman she was talking about?
Leliel: …Why hello there Motoyasu, fancy meeting you here, as opposed to Naofumi. Especially given how wow, that was unwarranted. What’s with the sudden manliness insults?
I HATE YOU SHIELD GUY: 507
{NAOFUMI}: But his stealth is off the charts. How the hell did he do that?
Wanderer: An excellent question! As this man is a minor character who doesn’t really matter past this mini-arc, it will never be answered, and this guy is kind of pointless! …seriously, though, what is with that, I think “the noble supporter of equal rights” is an extremely useful ally and supporting character to have, it gives you a sympathetic window into Melromarc’s noble politics that aren’t just royals. There’s an entire peerage beneath Mel. So I’m going to get this out of the way first:
OTHER WORLDS’ WORTH OF FILLER: 8
Chie: Yeah, what’s even the point of that whole discussion of politics if he just vanishes later? But yeah, Van here takes them to his manor and confirms Malty's claiming that Naofumi started the fires to cover his tracks…except that he was already looking for Mel, and guessed Malty was pulling it from her ass. Probably because, uh, wildfire where Naofumi was staying, with the hostage he’s using as death proof against the royals even if he actually kidnapped her. Malty, subtle and brilliant strategist, you are not.
RED MENACE: 83
Iana: For the most part, this is just a cute scene, but…
{NAOFUMI} We're not gonna be here that long. We're leaving tomorrow morning at dawn.
{MELTY} But why so soon?
[NAOFUMI] The longer we stay, the higher the odds of us being sniffed out.
{MELTY} Well, yes, but I was, ehm… I was hoping to be able to rest a little more.
{VAN} Princess Melty, if you'll allow me to say so, it appears you've grown.
[MELTY] Huh?
{VAN} In the past, you used to affect a mature attitude that went beyond your years… However, since you've been traveling with the Shield Hero, I'd say it's helped you to grow, and I mean that in a good way.
[NAOFUMI] I'm pretty sure you mean it in a bad way.
{VAN} What?! You keep quiet, you--!
[NAOFUMI] Quit making such a racket, we're trying to eat here...
[MELTY] Whose fault do you think that is?!
Iana: …is it wrong this entire conversation rubs me in an off-putting way? Like…maybe it is my own responsibility complex showing, but “wise beyond your years” is generally not a flaw to be let go of. No points, as Naofumi snarks about it, but Mel acting immature to be mature is…weird.
Leliel: Yeah, I dunno if this is a Japanese thing or not, so I’m going to log this as “confusing” and move on.
Wanderer: I will say that Mel notices, and she’s a bit embarrassed…but according to Filo…
I know, all you have to do is get him to dote on you just like he does us. It's simple!
Yukiko: [Turns green] …and yes, going by Melty’s embarrassed reaction, this is supposed to be exactly what you think from The Horror. It was so nice, not having this particular count go up…
FBI OPEN THE PORTAL: 445
PROPERTY OF COP-OUT: 606 (Reminder: This “doting” involves a slave brand with shock capabilities.)
Wanderer: Anyhow, cut back to Aultcray, who’s freaking out his missing daughter and still thinking Malty wants to save her…because his care for both his kids is matched only by his gullibility when convenient…
RISING OF THE CONTRIVANCE LEVELS: 472
And then there’s…an actually nice scene where Naofumi comforts a nervous Mel that her safety comes before her duties. Which goes to show that being very forgettable, here, makes Mel one of the best parts of the totes-not-an-harem. She actually has agency. Then Raphtalia has a bit of a foreshadowing nightmare of her friend Rifana being dragged around by a chain…
And then Naofumi sees a problem.
Chie: As it turns out, a noble from a neighboring town came over and accused Van of harboring Naofumi, and here, I have no problems - besides being right, currently Aultcray is turning the kingdom upside-down looking for Melty. If there’s even the barest suspicion she might be somewhere, even a formal warrant system to remove the owner from the premises to search the area is kind of pointless due to him being free with forgiveness over permission. So Naofumi and Raphtalia hide, but Mel comes out to greet the soldiers and their boss - holy shit man what is wrong with your face!?
Iana: Seriously! I’ve seen some unfortunate victims of inbreeding in my time - I’m third cousins with a few, poor Somsak with his epilepsy and bum arm - but this man looks like he lost a fight with a steam press! I actually feel bad about mocking him.
Leliel: Hoo boy. Meet the end of the relatively easy time we’ve had…Raphtalia’s old owner. Idol Rabier.
Yukiko: [Sputters] I’m sorry, what Rabier?
Leliel: Yes. His first name is literally Idol. And this is a more full image of him from the wiki. Try to guess what his thing is from appearance alone!
(https://shield-hero.fandom.com/wiki/Idol_Rabier/Image_Gallery)
Chie: [Deadpan] He’s supposed to be a bad apple, isn’t he? The guy Raphtalia supposedly traded up from. Because slaves are notorious for having a choice in the matter.
Wanderer: Bingo. More will be saved for later, but seriously - this man is not truly a character. He’s a scapegoat. A stalking horse to lead away not only complaints about Naofumi’s attitude…but also that of Melromarc’s nobility as a whole.
Yukiko: But…distinct name and probable legitimate reason to hate political marriages that are meant to control power and not ensure deep gene pools aside, Rabier’s introduction is actually pretty good, as Raphtalia is clearly scared and enraged to see her abuser, but (in the context of this show), is healthy enough to go to “fight” rather than “flee” or “fawn”, clearly biting back the urge to kill him before he starts on Melty - despite the fact that, genre savvy aside, that is not what’s apparently happening. Rather, Mel is obviously getting his attention and turning herself in as a ransom so that she can clear Naofumi’s name, since as far as she knows, Rabier isn’t with her sister and he’ll just send her back to Aultcray, where it’ll become clear she’s not brainwashed and will be safer under his eyes - particularly given how Rabier and Aultcray are mild political rivals, so he’s probably not friends with Malty but recognizes it’s good to get an in with the royal family. However, as an “intermediate step” while he arranges transport to the capital, he takes her to the capital, and after he, his guards, and Mel leave, Naofumi and Raphtalia leave the closet they were hiding in and…
Yukiko: You know, given how we just had an ally extracted and a friend more or less forced to leave, while Filo is just remaining hidden out of stubbornness, I’m almost willing to forgive Naofumi in this next moment:
{NAOFUMI} Filo! Get out here now! This is an order!
[FILO] Ow!
Iana: …wouldn’t that thing have kept going if it was an impossible order? Like, she was captured, and so could not show herself?
Leliel: I don’t want to stretch, but we know Naofumi has had to specifically order Raphtalia to save herself to turn it off, so disturbingly plausible…and it’s notable he turns to this as his first call after she annoys him and the maids, instead of begging her to come out. Certainly not a “comic” scene, especially when he shifts blame to Filo…for what turns out to be taking Melty’s instructions overly literally and thinking she was playing a game, because that’s what Mel told her.
PROPERTY OF COP-OUT: 607
I HATE YOU SHIELD GUY: 508
Wanderer: But anyway, more mostly good scenes; Filo is all for saving Melty once she’s up to speed, and Naofumi is suspicious of Idol because…well, look at him, plus Raphtalia’s instant tensing up. He realizes that Melty believed in him, so even from a selfish viewpoint he can’t just leave her, and while he can tell Idol spooks Raph, she tags along even when offered the option to stay. Moreover, Naofumi and Raphtalia have a perfect distraction due to how Van’s subjects, especially his demihuman ones, are rioting at Idol’s front gates. Given how much Idol is shown to have a reputation for hating demihumans, this isn’t even that much of a contrivance, it’s a sincere reaction one would expect from a power grab that affected a popular local lord with an extra level of racial charge. Idol, for his part, is more miffed than anything, and is beating Van senseless in front of Mel to get them to tell him where the Shield Devil is. But, this is when he reveals something important to Mel:
{IDOL} As you can see, we're having a bit of a difficult time getting him to cooperate. I would very much like to avoid getting rough with you if that's at all possible.
Yukiko: …he’s threatening to torture the princess. To get the guy he supposedly saved her from. Uh, wow. That’s a great way to, uh…do anything with the royal family ever. Maybe Malty, but as we’ve shown, there’s no proof he even knows her personally. Genius.
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 449
Leliel: Oh, it gets worse. Because his logic?
{IDOL} But as a humble servant of God, my dear,
That is my holy duty, dear princess.
Chie: …And clearly, preserving the order of the world, the divine right of your king, and protecting children aren’t, especially given how the official byline is that Melty is brainwashed! If you actually believed that, you’d be trying to exorcise her, because you know for a fact she didn’t! In fact, isn’t your king a strong supporter, so you should be on your best behavior to make sure that Melty has a good impression of the faith and its adherents especially when her father discovers what you’ve been doing? Balmung will be overjoyed to cut you loose and make you a blame sink, and he’d be entirely right to! Oh yeah, except of course, this is the Diet JRPG Corrupt Church, where clearly, Holy Symbol Equals Bad, Because Otherwise We Might Have To Think Of Actual Motives. Nothing about preserving old power structures or traditions that are important to the adherents, or how a lot of crusades are done to win the favor of internal factions for power while not being a total cynic, just My Faith Says So. Also…Melty reacts with surprise and shock to this, because the idea the state religion has adherents among nobles is really shocking. Uh-huh.
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 451 (One for the whole faith-in-place-of-motive, another for Mel being surprised that Idol was an adherent - especially with that name.)
Iana: More good scenes, Rabier’s troops are swiftly beaten while Raphtalia edges away from what’s clearly an entrance to her old slave pen underground, while battling flashbacks. After passing a rune-covered obelisk, Naofumi poisons a guard and blackmails him with an antidote in return for directions to Melty - not scoring, it happened in the midst of battle and is showing practical mercy - and then Rabier, having clearly run out of patience, advances on Mel.
{IDOL} I want to see it become despair, and watch as your face warps in agony. Come on, let me have a good look at you!
Leliel and Wanderer: [Stare, and then start laughing]
Wanderer: “GAAAR! ME BIG STRONK RAPEY CARICATURE OF UGLY MAN! TAKE SERIOUSLY!”
Leliel: “UGGA! THIS MATURE SERIES! WE HAVE TEN YEAR OLDS THREATENED WITH TORTURE BY UGLY SADISTS! WE GOOD AND MATURE AUTHORS, MOST AM BRAINY IN CAVE! UNGH!”
Yukiko: [Suppresses own laugh] I think they have a point they want to make later, but yes. This is…well. This is about what we expect from this show. And not at all the kind of thing that Idol, as a traditional “weaker” gender, would expect to do, not in this fashion - more like goading her to be strong enough to fight back or show how worthless she is, as the matriarchal queen. Still abuse and torture, but…you know, actually born of toxic matriarchy being reflected on an important girl.
GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRL-LOSS: 452
Chie: Of course, it’s at this moment that Filo busts in, and Naofumi separates Idol and Mel in the struggle. More good scenes, as Mel and Naofumi reunite, and Idol goes berserk with that whip we showed earlier at Raphtalia…who completely ignores it and the mild damage it causes as she corners him.
Iana: If this show had an attitude towards all slavers like that, we’d be singing a different tune. As it is…well, I think our Mid-Duology Rant is about to show how manipulative these two things are. Leliel, Wanderer? The floor is yours.
Wanderer: Ahem! See, you’ll notice we said a lot of scenes were pretty good. We stand by that. In isolation, this is a pretty good episode that confronts Raphtalia’s past and shows that yes, Naofumi is an enemy and demonic figure in the state religion of this nation, so naturally he has would-be crusaders looking for clout by being the one to defeat the Shield Devil - while also believing in the doctrine of human superiority. In isolation.
Leliel: In context, Naofumi is Raphtalia’s new owner, and Idol is being used to draw a distinct contrast to “good” nobles. Now, let’s just stop here and say that no, not all nobles are evil - before the printing press and greater centralization, inherited power is one of the few ways to maintain some amount of coordination and yes, liberty through order (can’t really call a bandit clan where the biggest and most ruthless stick rules “free”) over a large area. But the fact is, the issue with inherited power is that it is inherited - it creates inherent animosity between ruler and ruled, and a sense of entitlement on the part of the ruler. Moreover, in a feudal system, where all nobles are to a degree warlords who rule by ability to outfit and command trained troops, it breeds a certain amount of…ruthless detachment. Because then you start seeing your subjects as resources to be spent in, well, feuds, hence the term. (Well, okay, “feud” actually comes from a Latin term for “fiefs”, but there’s a reason it became synonymous with “fight”).
Wanderer: We’re not going to drag politics in here more than that, but feudalism was a system that collapsed in the wake of the Black Plague for a reason - the moment there weren’t enough peasants to have a bunch of tiny little pocket kingdoms and instead had collective bargaining power due to being the only ones with labor ability, that was the moment feudalism as we knew it suddenly had an expiration date - and it’s telling that many peasants who suffered under feudalism preferred autocracy, rule by the royal court and monarch directly, because at least that meant one set of rules and laws for everyone. And the thing is, the reason feudalism collapsed was that its issues were systemic - the social structure was not something that was deliberate, but the result of the way the Western Roman Empire collapsed into a bunch of feuding military states and jobless mercenaries, and only kept going because people got used to it as a semi-stable system, especially given how Europe as a continent is notorious for having a bunch of countries that hate each other and were prone to fighting at a moment’s notice during the Middle Ages. The reason the Japanese recognize that samurai during the Sengoku period and knights of the European Middle Ages are so similar is that the Middle Ages and Sengoku period were about as politically stable. If given a choice, most of Europe would have happily gone back to the Roman method of doing things with its nice clean roads and well-organized, logical, and peaceful civitas, thanks. (Yes, Rome was a notoriously bloodthirsty and militaristic empire, but they liked maintaining order and making being part of Rome seem like a good thing, and that meant good bureaucracy.)
Leliel: Point is, the evils of a noble class, especially a feudal one where nobles are largely independent which Melromarc seems to have, are largely baked in. They need to establish control over their subjects, and if that’s not done through honey - and there’s a reason that ol’ Nicky Machiavelli said that if you must choose between fear and love, bet on fear, it’s more reliable - and to win favor, they need to outcompete each other. Both in terms of hard and soft power, hence a lot of “noble fashion” that is based around conspicuous consumption to show off your wealth and breadth of taste.
Iana: I’d like to intervene here and say that I know for a fact that this is common to all nobles…even ones who aren’t human. During a diplomatic expedition with my fellows in the Silver Pact, I visited the Eastern city of Wolf’s Paw, formerly Quill. Formerly, as Wolf’s Paw is near the fae-touched Uskwood, where consumption of fresh meat from animals there grants you greater intellect, and all animals can speak - the herbivores are all mostly parrots it’s disturbing to hunt, but anything above their trophic level quickly digests their way into true sapience and then some. The local lupine and corvid population, already being social by nature, realized the neighboring humans were born with long lifespans and opposable thumbs, and that threats of violence combined with demonstrated promises of protection led to one becoming a human’s master. So a few wars later…well, this is a portrait of the Gildenferr clan of bankers entertaining guests at a festival:
(Source: Exalted: Across the Eight Directions)
Yukiko: [Jaw slack, gazing on in wonder] …Please tell me they have overly formal language and posh accents. That would make this the best. Thing. Ever.
Chie: …I’d like to meet their tailor. But, yeah, apart from…the obvious, they do look like pretty generic aristocrats. Heck, I think those shirts could be worn by a lot of humans, definitely the hats. They’re clearly not “embracing the power of the wolf”, they’re trying to be fashionable.
Iana: Exactly. Even the literally animal-given-intelligence is showing the same social jockeying. There’s a violent edge to Wolf’s Paw noble politics due to wolves being literally predatory carnivores and with far faster and larger generations, but it’s been sublimated into mostly social conflict for both practical reasons and because they realize the humans that are their subjects live several times as long as they do, are endurance runners, and have thumbs reliably without having to rely on the far caprice of the Wyld. They know the humans can complain very loudly if the wolves start looking less inviting than the jungle that surrounds them, especially if commoner wolves agree - and that means that they can be just as shallow and supercilious as any Champoori professional ass-kisser. It’s almost heartwarming to see how far they’ve come.
Wanderer: Iana’s commentary on Best Noble Boys aside, there’s also something else we need to bring up - something we brought up as a joke, but is a symptom of actual aristocratic issues: Inbreeding.
(https://dna-sci.com/2021/04/18/charles-ii-habsburg-of-spain-what-exactly-was-up-with-his-dna/)
The most infamous example of this, the Habsburg Dynasty of Spain, is a case study. See, here’s the other issue of inherited power: Who inherits? If the local legitimate heir happens to belong to a country you’re currently at war with, or had a falling out with, or a bunch of other reasons, you’re in kind of a pickle. But, the less spread your genetics are - and with it, your claim - the less heirs there are, and the more consolidated you are…which sounds great, until you realize that sooner or later, that means you’re going to have to start marrying a lot of cousins, and beyond the “erm”, factor, that’s a great way to leave your line vulnerable to genetic diseases. Which is exactly what the Spanish branch of the Hapsburgs did, and in later generations, as the family tree started to resemble more of a family circle, it…didn’t end well. Ask poor Charles II the Bewitched here:
(https://medium.com/@annesalami/cursed-by-blood-the-tragic-story-of-king-charles-ii-of-spain-the-bewitched-habsburg-monarch-bfacee8df263)
Iana: …I believe someone may have accidentally put up a political cartoon, this is clearly vandalized to make him look lopsid-
Leliel: This is an official portrait. This was something his painter made to make him look accurate, but more handsome.
Iana: …Oh. Oh no.
Wanderer: Yeah. Uh, let’s just quote the official website dedicated to the Hapsburgs (https://www.habsburger.net/en/chapter/charles-ii-last-spanish-habsburg) on him:
<blockquote>Charles II was the last Spanish ruler from the House of Habsburg. He is regarded as a grotesque reflection of Spain’s decline and a prototypical product of dynastic inbreeding.
The precarious situation of the Spanish Habsburgs, who were on the verge of extinction due to the lack of male heirs, manifested itself in rumours that the son marked so disastrously by the consequences of massive inbreeding was in fact a daughter who had been presented to the world as a boy out of panic that the dynasty was at an end.
The prince was a sorry spectacle, and his feeble health caused the family to fear for his life. Charles was afflicted with an almost bizarre ugliness; in him the classic Habsburg physiognomy – a prognathous jaw and elongated skull – was exaggerated to an almost cartoonish degree.
In the superstitious beliefs of the time, his pitiable condition and physical deformity were interpreted by some as evidence of bewitchment. The abortive attempts made to cure him by his physicians were accompanied by occult practices and exorcisms performed by priests.</quote>
Yukiko:
(https://media1.tenor.com/m/1u6Ya4FsEsYAAAAC/wait-what-blinking.gif)
O…kay then. I just…wow. I’m beginning to realize my parents aren’t that traditional…and being very thankful…
Leliel: And the worst part is…Charles was, by all accounts, a pretty sweet guy. Riddled with learning disabilities and very naive, to be sure - I don’t think truly developmentally disabled, but I would not be surprised if he wasn’t neurotypical, given the everything with his genome, and his love of counting things to calm himself down - but nobody who met him had bad things to say about him personally, just his abysmal health. And the thing is, people around him clearly realized he was going to die and he was not cut out to be king - so they treated him like little more than a pawn while they desperately prayed for a healthier heir from his wife (who was arranged and related to him! Though everything suggests he truly cared for her, though she also suffered incest-related bad health) with a few of his “symptoms” actually being attempts to force out an heir (like making him sleep next to the body of his late father - yeah, yikes). And of course, he came to power while Spain was collapsing already, his beloved wife died and he had to remarry, his congenital conditions only got worse as he aged…by the time he finally died, he might well have been relieved, since being king was being more or less a slave to his court, even beyond his various illnesses. And as one final insult, his final will and testament to keep some power with his family even without an heir was ignored, igniting the War of Spanish Succession.
Chie: Yeah…Bewitched is right. Literally started the day he was born, if not before then.
Wanderer: And this, my friends, is what the actual evils of nobility look like, and why when faced with “ooh, Idol plans to whip the princess, how scaaaaary,” Lels and I just laugh. Even beyond the fact we’re Warhammer fans, and this shit barely registers as edgy to us - we’ve studied history. There’s way worse done for way more interesting reasons, like continuing the family’s power at all costs - and done to the nobles themselves. To reduce it to Good Noble, Bad Noble, a la Gallant and Goofus, isn’t just bad writing, it’s boring.
Leliel: More than that - it’s underhanded. Because this show, unintentionally or not, is also spreading propaganda that says that Idol is an anomaly - blaming all of his evil on the Three Heroes Church implicitly, as opposed to recognizing it’s a part of the culture. The franchise is laying the groundwork for Naofumi’s own myopic morality, by making it so that any noble he is at all friendly with is Good, and any inconvenient or hostile one is Evil. And implicitly, excusing Mirellia, because she blames the Church and her husband for everything too. So, for all that, fifty more points.
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 502
Iana: But, now that we have thoroughly explored why I, a literal royal cousin, vizier, and effective stepsister of an Empress, am also a strong advocate for greater democratization and constitutional monarchies - the less hard power a royal family has, the less it’s torn apart by internal power struggles - let’s go back to the show, and watch as the manipulation cements itself.
Episode 15: Raphtalia
Chie: Insert your own joke about it being fifteen episodes in before we get a focus on our main heroine…seriously, though, while that’s not true, and we know a lot about her already, it’s notable the episode named after her is literally only after she’s already cornered the guy who is the source of her nightmares, as opposed to having actually built him up as a threat and the risk of Raphtalia losing some of herself in revenge.
Wanderer: Dramatic tension, motherfucker, do you speak it?! And we start on a flashback to Raphtalia’s village, Lurolona, pre-Wave:
Leliel: And immediately, I have problems with the worldbuilding surrounding it. Look, just because a nation has some extremely bad and discriminatory laws doesn’t mean a discriminated community can’t thrive, especially with a patron like the Lord of Seyaette protecting it. But, here’s the thing - that’s not stable. You’re going to have the majority populace being sincerely pissed that this thing that their ideology says shouldn’t exist exists, and they’re going to look for any excuse to not only destroy it, but make it an example - while that arguably happened in canon, it’s clear from the framing that we’re supposed to think this township was all enormous and bucolic and harmonious but then forgo, when in reality, this kind of town would become the bogeyman for all of the racist parts of Melromarc because how dare the demihumans be all prosperous and happy despite the fact humans wanted them to suffer in urban squalor in ghetto districts. I don’t even need to look too far in American history - Tulsa was burned down in 1921 for being Prosperous While Black, and you want to know the reason why so many antisemetic conspiracy theories about “corrupting the youth” revolve around Hollywood, especially the circa the 1940s and 50s? Because movies were regarded as a “lower” art form shoveled on Jewish people, only for them to become wildly successful and catapult their home neighborhood into, well, Hollywood. The fact is, pretty much every bigot should be spouting lies (especially at themselves) about Lurolona and what it was, especially describing it effectively as an orc camp at its most racist and Always Chaotic Evil of 3.5 D&D (or maybe contemporary Goblin Slayer), if you actually want to confront racism as a real force that affects Raphtalia.
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 503
Ugh, cut to Young Raphtalia and a different, blonde demihuman girl we’ve seen been jerked around by Idol before in flashbacks…
{RAPHTALIA} Huh? A person that I love?
Yukiko: …uuuugh. This kind of talk…no point, because it’s just generic girl talk, but I sincerely think this being expected of preteen girls is why my Shadow Self was a slutty princess with no faith in her own agency. Heternormativity can be a bitch.
Iana: …one literal royal to a metaphorical one, preach. Trust me, the villainous laugh I have and gloating about my schemes in public was partly to be the Champoori stereotype of Sanjhar - aristocrats - that actually has agency and is expected to have it. But feeling caged by social roles aside, this is Rifana, the traditional Tragic Lost Best Friend, who is at least not being frigid - after all, her death is not being done to further the character development of a male character. Still notable that she only seems to have been created so that she dies tragically - oops, was that a spoiler? …If so, your reminder of what kind of franchise we’re watching, and its pretensions at darkness.
Chie: To keep it moving, Rifana says that she’d like to one day get with someone like one of the Legendary Heroes, especially the Shield Hero when Raphtalia brings him up…guys, if only you knew…and then the first Wave of Calamity hits before we cut back to the present.
See, this is something I get, because Raphtalia needs to mention that she remembers how many of his demihuman slaves are killed in his dungeon before Idol processes she’s a former slave of his - as far as he was concerned, as soon as he lost interest and sold her back to Beloukas, she ceased to exist. Though, for irony points…
Yukiko: Ah. I see, this is Idol pleading for his life and thus a lie, as opposed to Naofumi actually purchasing her to help her eat. So, completely different, because our slave owner is honest. Yeah, no, not buying it.
PROPERTY OF COP-OUT: 608
Leliel: And now…we have Naofumi’s idea of what “good revenge” is. Because after Idol gets into a full dogeza bow and pleads his apology, while Raphtalia gets ready to kill him for what we saw him prepare to do to Rifana in a flashback, Naofumi suddenly has this to say:
{NAOFUMI} You've become stronger over time. And not just with your sword.
Iana: …yes, and that’s why she deserves the right to carry out summary execution of a torturer, slaver and serial murderer, probably also a rapist given his attitude towards female slaves, and she is a direct victim of his what in the name of the Dragons are you on about?
[RAPHTALIA] You're a terrible person. A monster who put demi-humans through hell, then killed them. I'll never forgive you. But if I kill you, I won't be any different from the disgusting worm you are.
Wanderer: And then Rifana’s ghost manifested, looked at her strangely, and started reciting the name of every single slave whose torture he had led directly to the death of. Not killed swiftly. Tortured to death or due to complications. What. The hell. Is this. Equivocation. Bullshit.
(https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IfYouKillHimYouWillBeJustLikeHim)
Leliel: Now, here’s a bit of a thing that could make sense, if literally anybody but Naofumi was saying it, in this exact situation. See, in Japan, revenge and retributive justice is viewed a lot more critically than it is here in the West. While invoking punishment of the genuinely evil for personal reasons has a long history of a lot of really good stories, the thing is that most of those stories also have the person that is the target of revenge is usually still doing the thing that made them a target of revenge and isn’t able to be stopped another way. Thus, the avenger is also seeking justice, their personal motive is just a personal catalyst for it, if it’s heroically portrayed. Thus, if a person is seeking revenge purely for personal satisfaction and impulsively, that’s portrayed as very suspect in Japanese culture, even if the target is a villain. But the thing is - Idol was literally just doing that. And it’s clear he was just thinking of it purely because “oh shit, one of them came back to hit me for it.” And the person blocking revenge…is Naofumi. Need I remind you how Naofumi’s basic attitude towards anyone, especially nobles, is “they all suck, and I’m waiting for that to show itself”? And he just had proof that Idol lives down to all his expectations, against his alleged adopted daughter who he knows is traumatized by his very presence?
Chie: …Y’know…is it just me, or is Naofumi suddenly only willing to extend the olive branch…when it involves protecting a literal slaver?
[Beat]
Wanderer: [Flatly] Ten points. I’m giving writers benefit of the doubt here, but man is it a fucking bitter one. If he actually cared, he’d be going “no - let’s see if he tries”, and then when proof otherwise showed itself, fed Idol to Filo.
I HATE YOU SHIELD GUY: 518
[RAPHTALIA] So I've decided to let you live. That way you can atone for the sins you've committed in this place.
Iana: Ah, yes, and this will of course happen and keep happening as soon as he thinks you aren’t watching due to the fact he only is showing this to plead for his worthless life and still has access to the dungeon and trade network as well as not being arrested at least if he has a single brain cell-
-or you could immediately attack and ruin the moment of dumbness in a convenient way. That works too.
RISING OF THE CONTRIVANCE LEVELS: 472
Leliel: Also, in a stunning show of this show’s respect for women, this apparently caught Rapthalia, the trained swordswoman, so off-guard that the less-fit nobleman who primarily likely trains in show fencing knocks her actual sword far away, leaving him to be stabbed with the Spirit Sword.
The, as shown by Malty, infinitely less lethal Spirit Sword when used on physical people. Thus, while Idol stumbles out a window, he’s still alive enough to set up for…well, quite possibly the dumbest episode of this entire first season for the next episode. Which means this show basically took Raphtalia’s entire competence purely to set up a situation that, as we’ll see, leads to one of the most migraine-inducing moments in fiction.
Wanderer: As a hint: That’s when the Morrigna are coming back, because there’s only so much stupidity the co-sporkers can take before their minds melt.
RISING OF THE CONTRIVANCE LEVELS: 473
Yukiko: Thank you, sincerely. Anyway, Idol’s soldiers in the grounds think he’s dead and scatter, Mel heals Van, and Raphtalia decides to grit her teeth and lead everyone into Idol’s slave pit, while a flashback with Raphtalia receiving…absolutely awful advice from her parents plays…
Wanderer: [Eyetwitch] My Hero Academia...flashbacks…must…resist…urge…to rant…about…reasons…I…hate…that…series…
Chie: [Blinks] Seriously? It’s not that bad. I mean, I think it’s kind of silly, but I get what it’s going for…
Leliel: Too long to explain here, and besides, our Heroes in Crisis spork will cover why Wanderer in particular has issues with that world in a way more fitting spot - but here, it’s putting way too much on a ten year old girl. It’s great to cheer people up, but it’s even better to let yourself admit you’re unhappy, and when you need cheering up - this kind of advice is a great way to build a martyr complex, and from there, well, the kind of thing that builds codependency on Naofumi. And from there…hoo boy.
See that wolf demihuman on the left? That’s Keel, and that is going to be…a lot to talk about. But yeah, Raphtalia confirms the only reason she doesn’t cry when cheering people on to rebuild Lurolona is due to her following her parents’ advice badly, then the soldiers came and slapped everyone in chains, separating Rifana and Raphtalia from Keel. Cut back to the present, where the party is now in the slave dungeon proper and…
[NAOFUMI] Raphtalia was trapped in a place like this?
{NAOFUMI} Just thinking about it makes me sick!
Iana: …Ah yes, and it is so much worse than…oh, what was it…
People literally stacked on cages on top of each other. What, did Beloukas mop them or something?
PROPERTY OF COP-OUT: 609
Oh yes, and we see the true reason why Rabier brought these slaves:
[IDOL] {Scream and cry more!}
Yukiko: …he literally bought a bunch of demihuman girls because he enjoys the sound of them screaming and crying when he whips them. And as shown, Rifana was his more favored one, as she cried more. Uh-huh.
(https://imgflip.com/memetemplate/394347853/Ow-The-Edge)
Leliel: As the wiki makes clear, this is also something that, quite simply, Idol did as a “sacrament to God” due to the Shield Hero faith. Because clearly, torture for the sake of pleasure, especially what he was going to do to the entirely human princess of his country, is something that’s a product of faith, just ask any r/atheism poster after they have conferred with all the people who agree with them. Also, wow, fifty points for the sheer transparency in making Naofumi “better” - these slaves don’t even do slave labor, just “be pretty victims”!
PROPERTY OF COP-OUT: 659
Wanderer: Minimizing the time we have to spend here, basically the next few scenes are Raphtalia caring for Rifana while Keel observes from a nearby cage, before Idol decides she is way too stoic and boring to keep in his sex dungeon, I mean slave dungeon, I mean sex dungeon (because seriously, the only reason you’d do that is to fulfill a dominance fetish - and given how it’s of children, you can imagine why I kind of want to speed through this), and sold her off to Beloukas and eventually into the “superior” owner. Yeah, gross.
Chie: I am so glad Suspire got rid of that mood slime he was using, it’d be eating the room now…but yeah, that’s when Van notices a couple living slaves, including a familiar face:
Leliel: …and now I can’t avoid this. In the Japanese dub, Keel is referred to as “Keel-kun.” And is referred to as male frequently for a while. Thing is…this isn’t the case. Keel is assigned female-at-birth and isn’t offended by female pronouns, hence why I’ve been specifically avoiding pronouns when talking about them to let this reveal hit. In fact, it’s later revealed Keel’s father raised them as a son and they feel gender is a state of mind.
Iana: …there’s a reason you’re still using gender-neutral terms, though. Because this is something you’re not sure about.
Wanderer: Oh yeah. Because the fact that Keel has boobs under that shirt is very explicitly a retcon on the part of the light novel author because they were that lazy:
(https://shield-hero.fandom.com/wiki/Keel)
[Beat]
Yukiko: The author. Was so stubborn. About only one man having a personality. That we now have a canonically gender-queer person who may or may not be a supplementary harem member because the author thought it was easier than just dropping that guy or changing a personality that wasn’t written yet.
Chie: …It’s a beautiful rainbow and testament to the ease of writing enlightened gender roles…reflected off a burst sewage main spray…
Leliel: Trust me, this isn’t the worst gender idea the author had. That other time is just…offensive. Still kind of jaw-dropping.
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 504
Iana: Due to Raphtalia being supposedly older due to her levels, Keel doesn’t recognize her at first, but after Raphtalia reminds them of their shared memories, they hug, and after this accidental bit of irony…
Wanderer: Insert own joke about “certain values of save” here…
Iana: Naofumi heals Keel, at which point Keel morosely notes they wish Rifana was here to see the Shield Hero was real - and yes, she is dead. But…there is a bit of hilarious juxtaposition as Raphtalia rushes off to her cell…
[RIFANA] Raphtalia...
[RAPHTALIA] Hm?
{RIFANA} You know the Shield Hero? D'you believe he'll come to save us?
[RAPHTALIA] I know he will!
[RIFANA] I wanna see him soon. See him and...
[RAPHTALIA] And?
Yukiko: …excuse me for a second. Ahem…Spirits. Spirits, hear me. Answer my call, and hear my message, oh Rifana…
(https://www.reddit.com/r/PERSoNA/comments/1gvpdwq/yukiko_does_look_happy/)
YOU. ARE. TEN. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT. MY GOD. DOES EVERY DEMIHUMAN GIRL REVOLVE AROUND NAOFUMI’S DICK? THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT IN THE CHILD TORTURE SEX DUNGEON. THIS IS DISGUSTING. [Clears throat] Okay, all done.
Wanderer: Yeah, I just… don’t know what else to say to this. Normally I’d blow up, but I think Yuki-chan’s rant explains it quite well. I’m just going to add +100 points for this, because… do we need to explain why? [Desperately] DO WE?!
FBI OPEN THE PORTAL: 545
Chie: Honestly, the fear scoured my memory of that, thanks Yuki. And…wait a minute, matriarchy. Shouldn’t she be fantasizing about being his adventuring partner or leader?
Leliel: Indeed. Also, both you and Wanderer are spot on; this is nothing Neil Line crossing, but it comes uncomfortably close to doing so. As for you Chie, good point!:
GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRL-LOSS: 505
But yep, she dead. She is very dead:
Iana: …that’s some quick composition to be just bones and bleached clothes if Raphtalia has been only gone for less than a year…not scoring, because I get this is for taste, but still.
{MELTY} I can't see how...such monstrous deeds could exist here.
[VAN] Melty...
As much as I hate to say it, similar things happen all across this country.
{MELTY} It can't be?!
[VAN] That is why we needed Seyaette. But now…
Leliel: Oh, sod off. Stop with the sad violins and tragic music, you don’t care as a franchise. You just make motions at it just so that Naofumi “looks better” and to make the Church of the Three Heroes the latest Baddie that you Smash to look Awesome (™). Hell, even the name of this little excursion - Idol? Really?
Wanderer: Seriously. Lels and I are huge fans of grimdark fiction, so this kind of shit barely registers a lot of the time, and we see the manipulation for what it is - it’s the same kind of crap surface-level tearjerker bad grimdark does in the place of actually examining the fundamental tragedy of a world doomed by fate. And it’s clear that it doesn’t actually understand religiously motivated hate crimes beyond “me am gonna make him Naofumi am betterer.” There’s a single reveal in Metaphor: ReFantazio that has more meaning about the fundamental toxicity of racism and the way religion is used to support it than Rising has in its entire runtime:
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rt79Mk-t8Kk)
Leliel: Quick rundown, the vast majority of races, or tribes, in Metaphor’s world are actually demihumans, who can interbreed - but racial hatred is strong, and cross-breeding is regarded as an abomination in a lot of folk Sanctism, the dominant religion. Sanctoress Johanna, the woman in that portrait, had an affair with a man of another tribe who she was forbidden to marry…and the very wetnurse she hired for her son killed him to avoid the superstition of the curse, which is even more painful because Sanctoresses are literally female priests of Sanctism, meaning a fellow believer did the worst possible thing to a new mother. So naturally, Johanna really was not a fan of much of sapient life after that…especially when she met, and came under the mental influence, of…this thing.
(https://megamitensei.fandom.com/wiki/Homo_Jaluzo)
Chie: [Screaming of the damned with Cthulhu himself on their heels]
Yukiko: GEEZ! Don’t surprise me like that, even I’m finding that creepy!
Iana: [nonplussed] Apparently, the Labyrinth of the Neverborn extends to her world too. Good to know. Kill it, please.
Wanderer: Yeah, Homo Jaluzo here pushed her right over the edge into “homicidal mania” mode, feeding the children of everyone she blamed for her child’s death to it in the belief it was her son reborn. And a bunch of other people. Point is, she hated everyone - and really, after that, could you blame her? But here’s a difference between Metaphor and Rising - Metaphor actually bothers to show how toxic racism is as opposed to shoving it on ‘a few bad apples.’ Hell, the party member you get in the Johanna arc, Heismay, is a bit bigoted towards paripus, the tribe that most looks like Raphtalia, as they and his race, the eugief, are competing for a similarly low rung on the totem pole, and because rioting paripus killed his son. He’s just professional and trying to cut back on it. It does not exist for “oh, boo hoo, someone we didn’t know died and now the waifu is sad about it.” Grow up, and show actual systemic issues.
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 505
Leliel: Anyway, nobody’s in a great mood. Keel is trying to cheer up Raphtalia by saying her stoicism helped boost the other slaves and helped them keep smiling too, which probably did annoy Idol’s particular strain of sadism into losing interest for a good bit, but it really doesn’t help her, as she currently feels unworthy of being a heroine and traveling with the Shield Hero (which I of course disagree with - Naofumi clearly doesn’t deserve to be attached to her like the parasite he is). And to be honest, a lot here is good, because Naofumi is reminding her of things Raphtalia did that were in her control, and she’s had a pretty good run all things considered, and it’s only bad luck she only got back after Rifana passed but not before Keel and a lot of the other slaves did. However, there’s an important first clause he offers first:
{NAOFUMI} If it wasn't for you being in my life, I'd've run from this world without ever trusting anyone.
Chie: [Still a little pale from Jaluzo] While this isn’t wrong, that whole…nightmare with Rifana above is making me really question the whole fact that it’s Raphtalia who is doing all the emotional legwork. I won’t claim that Yukiko and me didn’t do a lot of emotional weightlifting in the Investigation Team, but it’s not like the guys depended on us to feel for them!
Yukiko: I’d like to bring up Shadow Yukiko the Sex Kitten Princess again; there was a lot in her, but an extremely big part was the fact I felt like I was just the cliche princess in a tower and the only way out I could see was to be saved - and let’s face it, princes save princesses partly because they expect to be wed. That’s heteronormativity for you, hence why Shadow Yukiko kept on talking about her underwear a lot and looking for hot studs - or, well, Chie.
Chie: [Blushes] I still can’t believe I didn’t pick up you had discovered your bisexuality then…
Iana: Teenage discoveries of sexuality aside, that is a huge point - this is a very distinct power fantasy, but only for the male audience - specifically, Naofumi has the perfect girlfriend who always saves him emotionally but still needs him when convenient. This is not exactly fun to think about given the…everything with Rifana, so I am going to be spitefully generous.
FBI OPEN THE PORTAL: 546
Wanderer: In any case, Raphtalia has a vision of Rifana’s soul, makes her peace with her friend’s death and promises to bring back a tiny flag she made as a symbol of hope (the Luralona flag which has been a semi-prominent symbol), everyone starts to leave and-
-and here’s the setup for the stupid bit, as Idol holds his holy symbol to the obelisk.
[IDOL] O supreme god, grant me the power to rend the Devil asunder!
Iana: Uh, question? Do we ever get an idea of what the God they worship is? I picked up a bit of Three Forks’ cosmology and still have a holdover from Immaculacy; I think we are all part of a great Godhead that might be called a single deity, but worshiping Them is sort of like worshiping individual grains of sand - you are part of Them and They are part of you, as part of a great Mind and Story as they try to understand Their own nature by authoring it. It’s not a faith with a lot of priests, but it is one that allows for many actual small gods to cooperate because the traditional mantra is “we are all characters in the Great Story.” And reincarnate as we are reused for new characters.
Wanderer: Of course not. That’d require characterizing the Church apart from “is bad!”
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 506
Yukiko: But, long story short - that obelisk is actually a seal for a powerful Tyrant Dragon Rex, and now Idol’s unsealing it out of desperation to kill the Shield Devil after his life has fallen apart around his ears.
{IDOL} If I can kill the Devil of the Shield, I will be eternally blessed by God!
Chie: He dies almost so quickly it took a second to notice, because the Rex accidentally stepped on him. And really, I can’t blame it, he was bathing in whatever Fate’s equivalent of steak sauce is with that line.
(https://x.com/BWIglobal/status/1380388113004949504?lang=bg)
Leliel: And with a shot of the Rex in all its CGI glory…
We end! And next time…no way to beat around the bush here, we have a Deus Ex Machina. And you will not believe the form it takes.
Wanderer: Dramatic tension, motherfucker, do you speak it?! And we start on a flashback to Raphtalia’s village, Lurolona, pre-Wave:
Leliel: And immediately, I have problems with the worldbuilding surrounding it. Look, just because a nation has some extremely bad and discriminatory laws doesn’t mean a discriminated community can’t thrive, especially with a patron like the Lord of Seyaette protecting it. But, here’s the thing - that’s not stable. You’re going to have the majority populace being sincerely pissed that this thing that their ideology says shouldn’t exist exists, and they’re going to look for any excuse to not only destroy it, but make it an example - while that arguably happened in canon, it’s clear from the framing that we’re supposed to think this township was all enormous and bucolic and harmonious but then forgo, when in reality, this kind of town would become the bogeyman for all of the racist parts of Melromarc because how dare the demihumans be all prosperous and happy despite the fact humans wanted them to suffer in urban squalor in ghetto districts. I don’t even need to look too far in American history - Tulsa was burned down in 1921 for being Prosperous While Black, and you want to know the reason why so many antisemetic conspiracy theories about “corrupting the youth” revolve around Hollywood, especially the circa the 1940s and 50s? Because movies were regarded as a “lower” art form shoveled on Jewish people, only for them to become wildly successful and catapult their home neighborhood into, well, Hollywood. The fact is, pretty much every bigot should be spouting lies (especially at themselves) about Lurolona and what it was, especially describing it effectively as an orc camp at its most racist and Always Chaotic Evil of 3.5 D&D (or maybe contemporary Goblin Slayer), if you actually want to confront racism as a real force that affects Raphtalia.
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 503
Ugh, cut to Young Raphtalia and a different, blonde demihuman girl we’ve seen been jerked around by Idol before in flashbacks…
{RAPHTALIA} Huh? A person that I love?
Yukiko: …uuuugh. This kind of talk…no point, because it’s just generic girl talk, but I sincerely think this being expected of preteen girls is why my Shadow Self was a slutty princess with no faith in her own agency. Heternormativity can be a bitch.
Iana: …one literal royal to a metaphorical one, preach. Trust me, the villainous laugh I have and gloating about my schemes in public was partly to be the Champoori stereotype of Sanjhar - aristocrats - that actually has agency and is expected to have it. But feeling caged by social roles aside, this is Rifana, the traditional Tragic Lost Best Friend, who is at least not being frigid - after all, her death is not being done to further the character development of a male character. Still notable that she only seems to have been created so that she dies tragically - oops, was that a spoiler? …If so, your reminder of what kind of franchise we’re watching, and its pretensions at darkness.
Chie: To keep it moving, Rifana says that she’d like to one day get with someone like one of the Legendary Heroes, especially the Shield Hero when Raphtalia brings him up…guys, if only you knew…and then the first Wave of Calamity hits before we cut back to the present.
See, this is something I get, because Raphtalia needs to mention that she remembers how many of his demihuman slaves are killed in his dungeon before Idol processes she’s a former slave of his - as far as he was concerned, as soon as he lost interest and sold her back to Beloukas, she ceased to exist. Though, for irony points…
Yukiko: Ah. I see, this is Idol pleading for his life and thus a lie, as opposed to Naofumi actually purchasing her to help her eat. So, completely different, because our slave owner is honest. Yeah, no, not buying it.
PROPERTY OF COP-OUT: 608
Leliel: And now…we have Naofumi’s idea of what “good revenge” is. Because after Idol gets into a full dogeza bow and pleads his apology, while Raphtalia gets ready to kill him for what we saw him prepare to do to Rifana in a flashback, Naofumi suddenly has this to say:
{NAOFUMI} You've become stronger over time. And not just with your sword.
Iana: …yes, and that’s why she deserves the right to carry out summary execution of a torturer, slaver and serial murderer, probably also a rapist given his attitude towards female slaves, and she is a direct victim of his what in the name of the Dragons are you on about?
[RAPHTALIA] You're a terrible person. A monster who put demi-humans through hell, then killed them. I'll never forgive you. But if I kill you, I won't be any different from the disgusting worm you are.
Wanderer: And then Rifana’s ghost manifested, looked at her strangely, and started reciting the name of every single slave whose torture he had led directly to the death of. Not killed swiftly. Tortured to death or due to complications. What. The hell. Is this. Equivocation. Bullshit.
(https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IfYouKillHimYouWillBeJustLikeHim)
Leliel: Now, here’s a bit of a thing that could make sense, if literally anybody but Naofumi was saying it, in this exact situation. See, in Japan, revenge and retributive justice is viewed a lot more critically than it is here in the West. While invoking punishment of the genuinely evil for personal reasons has a long history of a lot of really good stories, the thing is that most of those stories also have the person that is the target of revenge is usually still doing the thing that made them a target of revenge and isn’t able to be stopped another way. Thus, the avenger is also seeking justice, their personal motive is just a personal catalyst for it, if it’s heroically portrayed. Thus, if a person is seeking revenge purely for personal satisfaction and impulsively, that’s portrayed as very suspect in Japanese culture, even if the target is a villain. But the thing is - Idol was literally just doing that. And it’s clear he was just thinking of it purely because “oh shit, one of them came back to hit me for it.” And the person blocking revenge…is Naofumi. Need I remind you how Naofumi’s basic attitude towards anyone, especially nobles, is “they all suck, and I’m waiting for that to show itself”? And he just had proof that Idol lives down to all his expectations, against his alleged adopted daughter who he knows is traumatized by his very presence?
Chie: …Y’know…is it just me, or is Naofumi suddenly only willing to extend the olive branch…when it involves protecting a literal slaver?
[Beat]
Wanderer: [Flatly] Ten points. I’m giving writers benefit of the doubt here, but man is it a fucking bitter one. If he actually cared, he’d be going “no - let’s see if he tries”, and then when proof otherwise showed itself, fed Idol to Filo.
I HATE YOU SHIELD GUY: 518
[RAPHTALIA] So I've decided to let you live. That way you can atone for the sins you've committed in this place.
Iana: Ah, yes, and this will of course happen and keep happening as soon as he thinks you aren’t watching due to the fact he only is showing this to plead for his worthless life and still has access to the dungeon and trade network as well as not being arrested at least if he has a single brain cell-
-or you could immediately attack and ruin the moment of dumbness in a convenient way. That works too.
RISING OF THE CONTRIVANCE LEVELS: 472
Leliel: Also, in a stunning show of this show’s respect for women, this apparently caught Rapthalia, the trained swordswoman, so off-guard that the less-fit nobleman who primarily likely trains in show fencing knocks her actual sword far away, leaving him to be stabbed with the Spirit Sword.
The, as shown by Malty, infinitely less lethal Spirit Sword when used on physical people. Thus, while Idol stumbles out a window, he’s still alive enough to set up for…well, quite possibly the dumbest episode of this entire first season for the next episode. Which means this show basically took Raphtalia’s entire competence purely to set up a situation that, as we’ll see, leads to one of the most migraine-inducing moments in fiction.
Wanderer: As a hint: That’s when the Morrigna are coming back, because there’s only so much stupidity the co-sporkers can take before their minds melt.
RISING OF THE CONTRIVANCE LEVELS: 473
Yukiko: Thank you, sincerely. Anyway, Idol’s soldiers in the grounds think he’s dead and scatter, Mel heals Van, and Raphtalia decides to grit her teeth and lead everyone into Idol’s slave pit, while a flashback with Raphtalia receiving…absolutely awful advice from her parents plays…
Wanderer: [Eyetwitch] My Hero Academia...flashbacks…must…resist…urge…to rant…about…reasons…I…hate…that…series…
Chie: [Blinks] Seriously? It’s not that bad. I mean, I think it’s kind of silly, but I get what it’s going for…
Leliel: Too long to explain here, and besides, our Heroes in Crisis spork will cover why Wanderer in particular has issues with that world in a way more fitting spot - but here, it’s putting way too much on a ten year old girl. It’s great to cheer people up, but it’s even better to let yourself admit you’re unhappy, and when you need cheering up - this kind of advice is a great way to build a martyr complex, and from there, well, the kind of thing that builds codependency on Naofumi. And from there…hoo boy.
See that wolf demihuman on the left? That’s Keel, and that is going to be…a lot to talk about. But yeah, Raphtalia confirms the only reason she doesn’t cry when cheering people on to rebuild Lurolona is due to her following her parents’ advice badly, then the soldiers came and slapped everyone in chains, separating Rifana and Raphtalia from Keel. Cut back to the present, where the party is now in the slave dungeon proper and…
[NAOFUMI] Raphtalia was trapped in a place like this?
{NAOFUMI} Just thinking about it makes me sick!
Iana: …Ah yes, and it is so much worse than…oh, what was it…
People literally stacked on cages on top of each other. What, did Beloukas mop them or something?
PROPERTY OF COP-OUT: 609
Oh yes, and we see the true reason why Rabier brought these slaves:
[IDOL] {Scream and cry more!}
Yukiko: …he literally bought a bunch of demihuman girls because he enjoys the sound of them screaming and crying when he whips them. And as shown, Rifana was his more favored one, as she cried more. Uh-huh.
(https://imgflip.com/memetemplate/394347853/Ow-The-Edge)
Leliel: As the wiki makes clear, this is also something that, quite simply, Idol did as a “sacrament to God” due to the Shield Hero faith. Because clearly, torture for the sake of pleasure, especially what he was going to do to the entirely human princess of his country, is something that’s a product of faith, just ask any r/atheism poster after they have conferred with all the people who agree with them. Also, wow, fifty points for the sheer transparency in making Naofumi “better” - these slaves don’t even do slave labor, just “be pretty victims”!
PROPERTY OF COP-OUT: 659
Wanderer: Minimizing the time we have to spend here, basically the next few scenes are Raphtalia caring for Rifana while Keel observes from a nearby cage, before Idol decides she is way too stoic and boring to keep in his sex dungeon, I mean slave dungeon, I mean sex dungeon (because seriously, the only reason you’d do that is to fulfill a dominance fetish - and given how it’s of children, you can imagine why I kind of want to speed through this), and sold her off to Beloukas and eventually into the “superior” owner. Yeah, gross.
Chie: I am so glad Suspire got rid of that mood slime he was using, it’d be eating the room now…but yeah, that’s when Van notices a couple living slaves, including a familiar face:
Leliel: …and now I can’t avoid this. In the Japanese dub, Keel is referred to as “Keel-kun.” And is referred to as male frequently for a while. Thing is…this isn’t the case. Keel is assigned female-at-birth and isn’t offended by female pronouns, hence why I’ve been specifically avoiding pronouns when talking about them to let this reveal hit. In fact, it’s later revealed Keel’s father raised them as a son and they feel gender is a state of mind.
Iana: …there’s a reason you’re still using gender-neutral terms, though. Because this is something you’re not sure about.
Wanderer: Oh yeah. Because the fact that Keel has boobs under that shirt is very explicitly a retcon on the part of the light novel author because they were that lazy:
(https://shield-hero.fandom.com/wiki/Keel)
[Beat]
Yukiko: The author. Was so stubborn. About only one man having a personality. That we now have a canonically gender-queer person who may or may not be a supplementary harem member because the author thought it was easier than just dropping that guy or changing a personality that wasn’t written yet.
Chie: …It’s a beautiful rainbow and testament to the ease of writing enlightened gender roles…reflected off a burst sewage main spray…
Leliel: Trust me, this isn’t the worst gender idea the author had. That other time is just…offensive. Still kind of jaw-dropping.
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 504
Iana: Due to Raphtalia being supposedly older due to her levels, Keel doesn’t recognize her at first, but after Raphtalia reminds them of their shared memories, they hug, and after this accidental bit of irony…
Wanderer: Insert own joke about “certain values of save” here…
Iana: Naofumi heals Keel, at which point Keel morosely notes they wish Rifana was here to see the Shield Hero was real - and yes, she is dead. But…there is a bit of hilarious juxtaposition as Raphtalia rushes off to her cell…
[RIFANA] Raphtalia...
[RAPHTALIA] Hm?
{RIFANA} You know the Shield Hero? D'you believe he'll come to save us?
[RAPHTALIA] I know he will!
[RIFANA] I wanna see him soon. See him and...
[RAPHTALIA] And?
Yukiko: …excuse me for a second. Ahem…Spirits. Spirits, hear me. Answer my call, and hear my message, oh Rifana…
(https://www.reddit.com/r/PERSoNA/comments/1gvpdwq/yukiko_does_look_happy/)
YOU. ARE. TEN. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT. MY GOD. DOES EVERY DEMIHUMAN GIRL REVOLVE AROUND NAOFUMI’S DICK? THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT IN THE CHILD TORTURE SEX DUNGEON. THIS IS DISGUSTING. [Clears throat] Okay, all done.
Wanderer: Yeah, I just… don’t know what else to say to this. Normally I’d blow up, but I think Yuki-chan’s rant explains it quite well. I’m just going to add +100 points for this, because… do we need to explain why? [Desperately] DO WE?!
FBI OPEN THE PORTAL: 545
Chie: Honestly, the fear scoured my memory of that, thanks Yuki. And…wait a minute, matriarchy. Shouldn’t she be fantasizing about being his adventuring partner or leader?
Leliel: Indeed. Also, both you and Wanderer are spot on; this is nothing Neil Line crossing, but it comes uncomfortably close to doing so. As for you Chie, good point!:
GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRL-LOSS: 505
But yep, she dead. She is very dead:
Iana: …that’s some quick composition to be just bones and bleached clothes if Raphtalia has been only gone for less than a year…not scoring, because I get this is for taste, but still.
{MELTY} I can't see how...such monstrous deeds could exist here.
[VAN] Melty...
As much as I hate to say it, similar things happen all across this country.
{MELTY} It can't be?!
[VAN] That is why we needed Seyaette. But now…
Leliel: Oh, sod off. Stop with the sad violins and tragic music, you don’t care as a franchise. You just make motions at it just so that Naofumi “looks better” and to make the Church of the Three Heroes the latest Baddie that you Smash to look Awesome (™). Hell, even the name of this little excursion - Idol? Really?
Wanderer: Seriously. Lels and I are huge fans of grimdark fiction, so this kind of shit barely registers a lot of the time, and we see the manipulation for what it is - it’s the same kind of crap surface-level tearjerker bad grimdark does in the place of actually examining the fundamental tragedy of a world doomed by fate. And it’s clear that it doesn’t actually understand religiously motivated hate crimes beyond “me am gonna make him Naofumi am betterer.” There’s a single reveal in Metaphor: ReFantazio that has more meaning about the fundamental toxicity of racism and the way religion is used to support it than Rising has in its entire runtime:
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rt79Mk-t8Kk)
Leliel: Quick rundown, the vast majority of races, or tribes, in Metaphor’s world are actually demihumans, who can interbreed - but racial hatred is strong, and cross-breeding is regarded as an abomination in a lot of folk Sanctism, the dominant religion. Sanctoress Johanna, the woman in that portrait, had an affair with a man of another tribe who she was forbidden to marry…and the very wetnurse she hired for her son killed him to avoid the superstition of the curse, which is even more painful because Sanctoresses are literally female priests of Sanctism, meaning a fellow believer did the worst possible thing to a new mother. So naturally, Johanna really was not a fan of much of sapient life after that…especially when she met, and came under the mental influence, of…this thing.
(https://megamitensei.fandom.com/wiki/Homo_Jaluzo)
Chie: [Screaming of the damned with Cthulhu himself on their heels]
Yukiko: GEEZ! Don’t surprise me like that, even I’m finding that creepy!
Iana: [nonplussed] Apparently, the Labyrinth of the Neverborn extends to her world too. Good to know. Kill it, please.
Wanderer: Yeah, Homo Jaluzo here pushed her right over the edge into “homicidal mania” mode, feeding the children of everyone she blamed for her child’s death to it in the belief it was her son reborn. And a bunch of other people. Point is, she hated everyone - and really, after that, could you blame her? But here’s a difference between Metaphor and Rising - Metaphor actually bothers to show how toxic racism is as opposed to shoving it on ‘a few bad apples.’ Hell, the party member you get in the Johanna arc, Heismay, is a bit bigoted towards paripus, the tribe that most looks like Raphtalia, as they and his race, the eugief, are competing for a similarly low rung on the totem pole, and because rioting paripus killed his son. He’s just professional and trying to cut back on it. It does not exist for “oh, boo hoo, someone we didn’t know died and now the waifu is sad about it.” Grow up, and show actual systemic issues.
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 505
Leliel: Anyway, nobody’s in a great mood. Keel is trying to cheer up Raphtalia by saying her stoicism helped boost the other slaves and helped them keep smiling too, which probably did annoy Idol’s particular strain of sadism into losing interest for a good bit, but it really doesn’t help her, as she currently feels unworthy of being a heroine and traveling with the Shield Hero (which I of course disagree with - Naofumi clearly doesn’t deserve to be attached to her like the parasite he is). And to be honest, a lot here is good, because Naofumi is reminding her of things Raphtalia did that were in her control, and she’s had a pretty good run all things considered, and it’s only bad luck she only got back after Rifana passed but not before Keel and a lot of the other slaves did. However, there’s an important first clause he offers first:
{NAOFUMI} If it wasn't for you being in my life, I'd've run from this world without ever trusting anyone.
Chie: [Still a little pale from Jaluzo] While this isn’t wrong, that whole…nightmare with Rifana above is making me really question the whole fact that it’s Raphtalia who is doing all the emotional legwork. I won’t claim that Yukiko and me didn’t do a lot of emotional weightlifting in the Investigation Team, but it’s not like the guys depended on us to feel for them!
Yukiko: I’d like to bring up Shadow Yukiko the Sex Kitten Princess again; there was a lot in her, but an extremely big part was the fact I felt like I was just the cliche princess in a tower and the only way out I could see was to be saved - and let’s face it, princes save princesses partly because they expect to be wed. That’s heteronormativity for you, hence why Shadow Yukiko kept on talking about her underwear a lot and looking for hot studs - or, well, Chie.
Chie: [Blushes] I still can’t believe I didn’t pick up you had discovered your bisexuality then…
Iana: Teenage discoveries of sexuality aside, that is a huge point - this is a very distinct power fantasy, but only for the male audience - specifically, Naofumi has the perfect girlfriend who always saves him emotionally but still needs him when convenient. This is not exactly fun to think about given the…everything with Rifana, so I am going to be spitefully generous.
FBI OPEN THE PORTAL: 546
Wanderer: In any case, Raphtalia has a vision of Rifana’s soul, makes her peace with her friend’s death and promises to bring back a tiny flag she made as a symbol of hope (the Luralona flag which has been a semi-prominent symbol), everyone starts to leave and-
-and here’s the setup for the stupid bit, as Idol holds his holy symbol to the obelisk.
[IDOL] O supreme god, grant me the power to rend the Devil asunder!
Iana: Uh, question? Do we ever get an idea of what the God they worship is? I picked up a bit of Three Forks’ cosmology and still have a holdover from Immaculacy; I think we are all part of a great Godhead that might be called a single deity, but worshiping Them is sort of like worshiping individual grains of sand - you are part of Them and They are part of you, as part of a great Mind and Story as they try to understand Their own nature by authoring it. It’s not a faith with a lot of priests, but it is one that allows for many actual small gods to cooperate because the traditional mantra is “we are all characters in the Great Story.” And reincarnate as we are reused for new characters.
Wanderer: Of course not. That’d require characterizing the Church apart from “is bad!”
WORLDBUILDING OF CARDBOARD: 506
Yukiko: But, long story short - that obelisk is actually a seal for a powerful Tyrant Dragon Rex, and now Idol’s unsealing it out of desperation to kill the Shield Devil after his life has fallen apart around his ears.
{IDOL} If I can kill the Devil of the Shield, I will be eternally blessed by God!
Chie: He dies almost so quickly it took a second to notice, because the Rex accidentally stepped on him. And really, I can’t blame it, he was bathing in whatever Fate’s equivalent of steak sauce is with that line.
(https://x.com/BWIglobal/status/1380388113004949504?lang=bg)
Leliel: And with a shot of the Rex in all its CGI glory…
We end! And next time…no way to beat around the bush here, we have a Deus Ex Machina. And you will not believe the form it takes.
Spitefic: The (Un) Death of a Dream
Almost instantly, the wind changed. Mists rose from the ruined town and sea, covering the sun in a morbid shroud, as a salty, chill wind blew in from the west. Warmth and light fled the baritone and drum beats as the chorus continued their shanty, and the world seemed to shift - something undefinable, like the town’s ruins had suddenly become slightly unmoored in reality.
And then the ruins started to rise from their graves.
The ships came first - the thick fog that had blown in suddenly had blue lights ignite within them, as unseen shapes emerged, displacing the thick mists. Shapes that quickly gained definition and vision as sloops and cutters, ketches and schooners, that drifted on the briny winds towards shore, where the anchored Jackdaw hoisted Seyaette’s and Stilvelt’s colors to welcome them.
Then came the people. The gibbets suddenly rusted as if they had been exposed to centuries of salty air, and shallow mass graves burst. Lights came out of the bodies that resolved themselves into images of men and women, demihuman and baseline. Some looked more like zombies with long fangs and mutilations that bore the telltale signs of what killed them, who hissed angrily and fearfully - but then perked up the moment the sailors Suspire had brought with him, living and dead, offered bowls of blood and sweet-smelling fruit, eagerly tearing into them while retreating, wary but calmed. Other ghosts, while sometimes warped, looked far more like the people they were in life, often separating from feral clones of themselves - including a nun who looked a great deal like Connie, who looked at her with a combination of stunned disbelief, cautious hope, and joy - the same expression Connie had before she tackled her, still sobbing for rather different reasons.
And then, finally, the buildings. They were still clearly ghosts - the town was killed, nothing would change that. But as the remnants caught on fire and then devoured the flames to rise, flowing up into constructions of coral and slightly-off constructions, it was clear this had now become a place that had been killed - and then ripped out the harpoon in its chest to stick in the eye of fate. Meaner, no longer ever the same, and forced to reckon forever with the crime that defined it, as much a place for the dead as the living - but a place the living could be in. A shadowland was, after all, both Underworld and mortal.
As the soloist finished his final lyric, the final gust of the ghost-wind giving him a coda of rattling timber, Suspire gave a quiet breath of cathartic relief, feeling the Neverborn shift in approval of his dedication to merging the worlds of living and dead, gifting him a moment of absolute peace that took away madness and pain and left him sharp, focused, and feeling the presence of the subline.
And then, the chimpanzee smile returned.
“Now then…it seems a lot of the crown’s men only speak the language of violence. As the newest investor of the first undead privateer port…I believe we need to compose a letter.”
Connie had turned still, the only thing moving being her right foot and eyes as she looked over the burned-out church and a little shed to the side.
“...T…t-this was m-my home…”, she finally said, and Romuli Argentum suddenly understood so, so much of the nervous rabbit demihuman.
Suspire growled. “Even a house of the holy…I wish that could sink me, but I know this kind of burning. This wasn’t a pillage for plunder…this was an act of hate.” The normal Western, pirate accent had dropped - and its place was raw steel, and the sizzling growl of burning gunpowder.
Once upon a time, the church was part of the port town of Tidlewych, a moderately sized dock that had the good fortune to be relatively near an iron mining town and a local wizard’s tower that regularly accepted new students and worked on enchanting items. This led to it being a trading hub, one of many that made Seyaette an extremely wealthy and powerful duchy - and also exposed it to the world beyond the Three Heroes Church. The province had long since had the bubble of prejudice most of Melromarc existed in broken, especially since demihumans were rather good with sea-based professions. The enhanced senses from their animal sides meant it was quite easy for them to sense the currents and navigate in a crisis, plus high endurance and flexibility on a ship were always good. If nothing else, a young demi child could level grind into a ship-ready cabin lad, though it was traditional to brightly mark the “true lads” who were actually ten-to-twelve as trainees with a head start.
Of course, the other issue was that sailing, and mercantile endeavors, was viewed as a demeaning profession that “real” men did not do, and the fact Duke Seyaette, after his grandmother spat in the face of convention and decided that trade was the only thing her lands were good for, became a very wealthy man off of both was very upsetting to the Church, which did a great deal to promote religious skepticism in the province. As if it wasn’t snide enough towards the “state religion” already, as it was a dumping ground for demihumans on “worthless floodplains” before other nobles realized they had put the “inferior race” on top of a goldmine and in the protection of a family with both the money to pay for highly outfitted professional soldiers and very little respect for the Church’s arguments about why demihumans’ animal features and strange relationship with leveling indicated they were an incomplete species that “needed guidance” by humans, the superior and perfect race, as they tended to be spouted in assembly by people who were very intent on explaining why lands that had belonged to the Duchy and its cadet houses for generations were totally part of its neighbors as of the windfall.
Those same persons suddenly “remembered” a bunch of accusations of piracy and banditry as soon as the Wave stopped…and the forces of the Duke did not expect the national army to agree, especially not to have standing orders of protection from the Queen, his supposed prime ally, that countermanded it. They were quickly overwhelmed by the “sweep” that burned every major hub primarily populated by demihumans to the ground, with “completely incidental” slave raids that ignored the Order of the Golden Freedom that the late Duchess - the late Duke’s mother - had instituted that made nearly every Seyaette demihuman, and every one born there, a peasant and citizen of the province - and thus enslavement was a high crime, something all too many rings who thought the “ill reputation” of Tidlewych seeking a new market discovered too late as they were fitted for the noose and gibbets.
The gibbets were the only thing standing - but notably, not a single demihuman was in them. Only humans - but given the crimes nailed to them on wooden planks - “blood traitor”, “pervert”, “willing cuckold”, and the ever popular “demi lover” - Romuli could guess what “crimes” they were executed for.
“...Gardener, or novice priest?”, Romuli finally asked.
“They…they d-don’t let d-demis be C-Church mem…members. Not…officially,” Connie said, looking away. “But…mom. She was…she was the nun. E…everyone knew s, she and the Captain were m-married, just, not officially…s-so I was kept here. P-People said I…I was an orphan, b…but…”
She pointed to…well, what looked to have once been a person in one of the gibbets. Thankfully, so much had decayed that only the remnants of bones indicated what had happened to them while alive, but that was enough. “That’s her. That’s…her n-name, on it…”
Luz closed her eyes, and looked away. “Coneja…” She hugged her. “I’m so sorry. If I knew…we’d have looked somewhere else. All we need to do is trace the source of that shackle-”
“No - it w-was me. I knew, I t-traced it and…” She inhaled. “It…it’s better to k-know. Not knowing was…so much worse. Now…now I can…I can…”
And then the tears started, as she sunk to the ground. “I…I can’t. T-t-t-this is…so much. I know…I know how people c-can be but…” She sobbed, as Romuli awkwardly joined the hug before Suspire could.
“Some queen Mirellia is,” Anne muttered, kicking dirt on a Melromarc flag. “...fuck. I think she might have let it happen, given what Horizon found out. Reminds me of…well, Marcy’s old friend, shall we say. Except he had an excuse, and was being bullied into the worst way to save Amphibia. What could ever excuse this.”
A statement, not a question. But Suspire’s mouth split in a chimpanzee’s smile of rage-expressed-as-humor. “Well, to be honest, if this was an attempt to give us a home base…I’d still be declaring a convenient quest to help satiate the Neverborn. But there’d be a level of…well, recognition of a true death cultist there. I think Grand Dirge over there would be looking for potential tryouts before I keelhauled the persons responsible, just in case.”
The glowing, mummy-like specter in the orchestra conductor’s uniform shrugged, the strings that had replaced his teeth making the chord equivalent of a noncommittal statement, before snapping his fingers together to make a tuning fork’s call, getting the attention of the milling ghosts and their instruments.
“Though…remind me,” Romuli said, breaking from the embrace. “Why are we trusting this…obvious undead monster? I know your wife summoned him and all, but…from the sound of it, you literally already want to open a portal into the Underworld with his power. What stops him from making his doorway to the home of other…music nephwracks?”
“First of all, not his particular nuttiness,” Suspire said, clearly not even bothering to defend him. “While opening yourself up to the minds and pain of the Neverborn to a degree nephwracks do make them very alienated from the living at best, and they see the world as the Dead Titans do, Grand Dirge only did so to save his culture - he might be counting down the eons until Creation dies, but the fact he did so to save the living means it takes the form of making sure it’s more beautiful than painful. He wants everyone to pass on feeling like they beheld a truly sublime symphony and with catharsis; he’s very much of the Bishop of the Chalcedony Thurible’s kind, and he’s not even that upset I’m a rebel given I did so to protect things I love, that makes me a good character in the opera he wants the world to be. Second, well - he literally can’t do that. See, Thuumi and our Umbral friend are currently linking Melromarc to Creation - and with it, the Underworld. Mass death and tragedy causes bits of the Underworld to emerge from the great sea that make up most of it as ghost memories shape it - and a near-perfect match to the landscape causes the worlds to fuse, existing in the living world in the day and Underworld at night. That’s the only reliable large portal that can form, called a shadowland…and that also means the largest wave of ghosts are going to be Tidlewych natives. He knows that, and is fine with it - means more ancestor cults, and those cults are going to be grateful to him.”
“Ah. So basically, it’d be worse in even the mid-term to screw us over, impossible in short,” Romuli said, nodding. “But, how is music…?”
Suspire stepped back. “Resonance.”
Grand Dirge bid a couple of colorfully dressed, very broad ghosts to step forward, who nodded, before he cued the winds to start.
“...T…t-this was m-my home…”, she finally said, and Romuli Argentum suddenly understood so, so much of the nervous rabbit demihuman.
Suspire growled. “Even a house of the holy…I wish that could sink me, but I know this kind of burning. This wasn’t a pillage for plunder…this was an act of hate.” The normal Western, pirate accent had dropped - and its place was raw steel, and the sizzling growl of burning gunpowder.
Once upon a time, the church was part of the port town of Tidlewych, a moderately sized dock that had the good fortune to be relatively near an iron mining town and a local wizard’s tower that regularly accepted new students and worked on enchanting items. This led to it being a trading hub, one of many that made Seyaette an extremely wealthy and powerful duchy - and also exposed it to the world beyond the Three Heroes Church. The province had long since had the bubble of prejudice most of Melromarc existed in broken, especially since demihumans were rather good with sea-based professions. The enhanced senses from their animal sides meant it was quite easy for them to sense the currents and navigate in a crisis, plus high endurance and flexibility on a ship were always good. If nothing else, a young demi child could level grind into a ship-ready cabin lad, though it was traditional to brightly mark the “true lads” who were actually ten-to-twelve as trainees with a head start.
Of course, the other issue was that sailing, and mercantile endeavors, was viewed as a demeaning profession that “real” men did not do, and the fact Duke Seyaette, after his grandmother spat in the face of convention and decided that trade was the only thing her lands were good for, became a very wealthy man off of both was very upsetting to the Church, which did a great deal to promote religious skepticism in the province. As if it wasn’t snide enough towards the “state religion” already, as it was a dumping ground for demihumans on “worthless floodplains” before other nobles realized they had put the “inferior race” on top of a goldmine and in the protection of a family with both the money to pay for highly outfitted professional soldiers and very little respect for the Church’s arguments about why demihumans’ animal features and strange relationship with leveling indicated they were an incomplete species that “needed guidance” by humans, the superior and perfect race, as they tended to be spouted in assembly by people who were very intent on explaining why lands that had belonged to the Duchy and its cadet houses for generations were totally part of its neighbors as of the windfall.
Those same persons suddenly “remembered” a bunch of accusations of piracy and banditry as soon as the Wave stopped…and the forces of the Duke did not expect the national army to agree, especially not to have standing orders of protection from the Queen, his supposed prime ally, that countermanded it. They were quickly overwhelmed by the “sweep” that burned every major hub primarily populated by demihumans to the ground, with “completely incidental” slave raids that ignored the Order of the Golden Freedom that the late Duchess - the late Duke’s mother - had instituted that made nearly every Seyaette demihuman, and every one born there, a peasant and citizen of the province - and thus enslavement was a high crime, something all too many rings who thought the “ill reputation” of Tidlewych seeking a new market discovered too late as they were fitted for the noose and gibbets.
The gibbets were the only thing standing - but notably, not a single demihuman was in them. Only humans - but given the crimes nailed to them on wooden planks - “blood traitor”, “pervert”, “willing cuckold”, and the ever popular “demi lover” - Romuli could guess what “crimes” they were executed for.
“...Gardener, or novice priest?”, Romuli finally asked.
“They…they d-don’t let d-demis be C-Church mem…members. Not…officially,” Connie said, looking away. “But…mom. She was…she was the nun. E…everyone knew s, she and the Captain were m-married, just, not officially…s-so I was kept here. P-People said I…I was an orphan, b…but…”
She pointed to…well, what looked to have once been a person in one of the gibbets. Thankfully, so much had decayed that only the remnants of bones indicated what had happened to them while alive, but that was enough. “That’s her. That’s…her n-name, on it…”
Luz closed her eyes, and looked away. “Coneja…” She hugged her. “I’m so sorry. If I knew…we’d have looked somewhere else. All we need to do is trace the source of that shackle-”
“No - it w-was me. I knew, I t-traced it and…” She inhaled. “It…it’s better to k-know. Not knowing was…so much worse. Now…now I can…I can…”
And then the tears started, as she sunk to the ground. “I…I can’t. T-t-t-this is…so much. I know…I know how people c-can be but…” She sobbed, as Romuli awkwardly joined the hug before Suspire could.
“Some queen Mirellia is,” Anne muttered, kicking dirt on a Melromarc flag. “...fuck. I think she might have let it happen, given what Horizon found out. Reminds me of…well, Marcy’s old friend, shall we say. Except he had an excuse, and was being bullied into the worst way to save Amphibia. What could ever excuse this.”
A statement, not a question. But Suspire’s mouth split in a chimpanzee’s smile of rage-expressed-as-humor. “Well, to be honest, if this was an attempt to give us a home base…I’d still be declaring a convenient quest to help satiate the Neverborn. But there’d be a level of…well, recognition of a true death cultist there. I think Grand Dirge over there would be looking for potential tryouts before I keelhauled the persons responsible, just in case.”
The glowing, mummy-like specter in the orchestra conductor’s uniform shrugged, the strings that had replaced his teeth making the chord equivalent of a noncommittal statement, before snapping his fingers together to make a tuning fork’s call, getting the attention of the milling ghosts and their instruments.
“Though…remind me,” Romuli said, breaking from the embrace. “Why are we trusting this…obvious undead monster? I know your wife summoned him and all, but…from the sound of it, you literally already want to open a portal into the Underworld with his power. What stops him from making his doorway to the home of other…music nephwracks?”
“First of all, not his particular nuttiness,” Suspire said, clearly not even bothering to defend him. “While opening yourself up to the minds and pain of the Neverborn to a degree nephwracks do make them very alienated from the living at best, and they see the world as the Dead Titans do, Grand Dirge only did so to save his culture - he might be counting down the eons until Creation dies, but the fact he did so to save the living means it takes the form of making sure it’s more beautiful than painful. He wants everyone to pass on feeling like they beheld a truly sublime symphony and with catharsis; he’s very much of the Bishop of the Chalcedony Thurible’s kind, and he’s not even that upset I’m a rebel given I did so to protect things I love, that makes me a good character in the opera he wants the world to be. Second, well - he literally can’t do that. See, Thuumi and our Umbral friend are currently linking Melromarc to Creation - and with it, the Underworld. Mass death and tragedy causes bits of the Underworld to emerge from the great sea that make up most of it as ghost memories shape it - and a near-perfect match to the landscape causes the worlds to fuse, existing in the living world in the day and Underworld at night. That’s the only reliable large portal that can form, called a shadowland…and that also means the largest wave of ghosts are going to be Tidlewych natives. He knows that, and is fine with it - means more ancestor cults, and those cults are going to be grateful to him.”
“Ah. So basically, it’d be worse in even the mid-term to screw us over, impossible in short,” Romuli said, nodding. “But, how is music…?”
Suspire stepped back. “Resonance.”
Grand Dirge bid a couple of colorfully dressed, very broad ghosts to step forward, who nodded, before he cued the winds to start.
Almost instantly, the wind changed. Mists rose from the ruined town and sea, covering the sun in a morbid shroud, as a salty, chill wind blew in from the west. Warmth and light fled the baritone and drum beats as the chorus continued their shanty, and the world seemed to shift - something undefinable, like the town’s ruins had suddenly become slightly unmoored in reality.
And then the ruins started to rise from their graves.
The ships came first - the thick fog that had blown in suddenly had blue lights ignite within them, as unseen shapes emerged, displacing the thick mists. Shapes that quickly gained definition and vision as sloops and cutters, ketches and schooners, that drifted on the briny winds towards shore, where the anchored Jackdaw hoisted Seyaette’s and Stilvelt’s colors to welcome them.
Then came the people. The gibbets suddenly rusted as if they had been exposed to centuries of salty air, and shallow mass graves burst. Lights came out of the bodies that resolved themselves into images of men and women, demihuman and baseline. Some looked more like zombies with long fangs and mutilations that bore the telltale signs of what killed them, who hissed angrily and fearfully - but then perked up the moment the sailors Suspire had brought with him, living and dead, offered bowls of blood and sweet-smelling fruit, eagerly tearing into them while retreating, wary but calmed. Other ghosts, while sometimes warped, looked far more like the people they were in life, often separating from feral clones of themselves - including a nun who looked a great deal like Connie, who looked at her with a combination of stunned disbelief, cautious hope, and joy - the same expression Connie had before she tackled her, still sobbing for rather different reasons.
And then, finally, the buildings. They were still clearly ghosts - the town was killed, nothing would change that. But as the remnants caught on fire and then devoured the flames to rise, flowing up into constructions of coral and slightly-off constructions, it was clear this had now become a place that had been killed - and then ripped out the harpoon in its chest to stick in the eye of fate. Meaner, no longer ever the same, and forced to reckon forever with the crime that defined it, as much a place for the dead as the living - but a place the living could be in. A shadowland was, after all, both Underworld and mortal.
As the soloist finished his final lyric, the final gust of the ghost-wind giving him a coda of rattling timber, Suspire gave a quiet breath of cathartic relief, feeling the Neverborn shift in approval of his dedication to merging the worlds of living and dead, gifting him a moment of absolute peace that took away madness and pain and left him sharp, focused, and feeling the presence of the subline.
And then, the chimpanzee smile returned.
“Now then…it seems a lot of the crown’s men only speak the language of violence. As the newest investor of the first undead privateer port…I believe we need to compose a letter.”
Re: The (Un) Death of a Dream
Date: 2025-09-18 11:15 pm (UTC)And then I'm coming back.
Re: The (Un) Death of a Dream
Date: 2025-09-18 11:18 pm (UTC)Honestly he is the kind of person who probably would have been an Exalted in life. And make the Neverborn very frustrated he doesn't want or need that kind of power they offer, he'd be a terrifying deathlord.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-19 05:58 pm (UTC)I've got a divine revelation: It's just porn. Porn without porn, so all that you're left with is the plot of a porn, the background of a porn, and the characters of a porn. It all makes sense in the way that nothing makes sense. The background is an excuse for the plot, the plot is an excuse to put the characters together, and the characters are tags, homunculi that after five minutes together must drop their clothes and start off an orgy. But they never drop their clothes (mostly), so they just break in the result, and everything breaks with them. See that noble, that Van whatever? He's just here to get pegged, but he never gets pegged, so he's just here… until he isn't anymore.
That anime is just an aborted hentai screaming in impotent psycho-sexual rage, the result of someone doing an anime binge in the middle of Silent Hill, and now you have to beat it to death with a crowbar...
... Also a T-Rex, because if man can't kill the devil, Jurassic Park will do it... I guess.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-19 06:01 pm (UTC)(ROFL, by the way.)
no subject
Date: 2025-09-19 11:33 pm (UTC)That said, it also has some remarkably unsubtle character names, but none quite as bad as Idol Rabier. Can't believe you didn't mention the "rabies" reference in that too... Okay, if the ending bit with him was supposed to be funny I have to give the writer some grudging points, though. Half-expecting Naofumi to ride the Rex and control it with polka music, to call back to another extremely sexist fantasy series.
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Date: 2025-09-20 12:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-09-20 01:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-09-20 01:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-09-20 12:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-09-20 04:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-09-20 10:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-09-21 03:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-09-25 11:58 am (UTC)At least, not while looking like that.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-25 02:22 pm (UTC)Reference?
no subject
Date: 2025-09-30 04:18 pm (UTC)Hell Yeah! Wrath of the Dead Rabbit, where you play as the titular dead rabbit, Prince Ash of Hell, as he goes through Hell and gets his revenge on the 100 monsters who saw embarrassing pictures of him by killing them. Every monster you kill has an Earth name and some flavor text in something called the Monster Index, and Mickey Coral, one of the very first monsters you kill, has the Earth name Myron Nance and flavor text that reads, and I quote, "Myron died the same way he lived: looking ridiculous."
And that Tyrant Dragon Rex looks absolutely ridiculous.
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Date: 2025-09-30 04:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-10-22 03:58 am (UTC)But he has no problem with Naofumi enslaving Raphtalia.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-22 04:10 am (UTC)That makes it better.
Just ask any powerfologist.
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Date: 2025-10-22 04:53 am (UTC)Otherwise it would have been conquered long ago or there'd be an ongoing war between it and Melromarc.
I'd bet that's not how Rising of the Shield Hero depicts it.
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Date: 2025-10-22 05:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-01-20 12:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-01-20 01:09 am (UTC)