Thousand Shinji Chapter 12: In Which The Author Cracks (In Many Ways)

[leliel_12]

[Trigger warning: Bodily dismemberment, light racism, torture, body horror, psychic sexual assault, mentioning indirect canon sexual assault, and implied offscreen torture in the spitefic.]

[Spoiler warning for Rogue Trader by Owlcat Games]

[Image heavy.]

[Link to the Das Sporking fork]

[Cut to the sporking chamber, which is currently having a projector tuned to a plot summary of the Angel fight this chapter. Also; dead silence]

Diego: …what in the name of Leng’s toxic ground was that?!

Shinobu: I…what? Just…what?! …okay, I admit, I think biology class would be more cool if that were the case, but…what?!

Taion: [No speaking. Only staring, hollowly.]

*Sitting in the chair at the center of the Holy Inoculation Zone is a gaunt, heavily cloaked figure with stringy brown hair straggling out from under a kerchief and pallid skin barely visible around the edges of a gas mask.*

Mortarion: I assumed Sophia was joking. Plaguefather knows she’s prone to histrionics, but no. And now I have to admit that she’s right.

Wanderer2691: I just…if-oh, wait, spork’s starting! Hey people, it’s Thousand Shinji and…holy shit, Leliel was not kidding about this chapter being something special.

Emma: Yeah. Thankfully it manages to be more on the funny-bad side than most of the fic, but this fic’s version of funny-bad is still very very bad.

Leliel: Yeah. Welcome people, to the most insane part of this fic apart from the epilogue, one that would probably be a redeeming element for sheer force of craziness…except then I caught on to what, exactly, actually happens in this episode, canonically. And I must say…the sheer amount of disrespect kind of ruined it. And also, say hi to the Mortarion from Sophia’s genderswapped Horus Heresy! …Yes, name’s the same, the Overlords of Barbarus didn’t do gendered names.

Chapter 12

Ritsuko had a headache that was, for once, not related to the Evas.

Taion: [mumbled] She read the fic she is in…?

Oh, true, they continued to evolve and change in response to their battles with the Angel, but that was a headache she had already taken aspirin for. They were slowly bringing Unit 01 in line, keeping it from becoming sentient and going on an apocalyptic rampage.

Shinobu: “Sentient” means the ability to feel emotion recognizable to humans. The very existence of Evas having any recognizable emotion means they are sentient. You’re a bit late, especially because this thing has gone on rampages already - if anything, a Tzeentchian brain might be helpful, because then you can negotiate with it - something Gendo might appreciate, given how that means he can talk to his wife!

Emma: I love when people who have built their entire identity about being the smartest one in the room can’t tell the difference between sentient and sapient.

DUMMY PLUGGED: 279 (One for the definition, another for preventing something that already happened, one for forgetting that the Commander wouldn’t see this as an issue.)

PRIMORDIAL BRAINFART: 180 (And what are the psychic abilities that are packaged with it, chopped liver?)

And the tech crews had grown used to the hazards of working around Unit 00's various new hazards, so much that they had painted a giant biohazard symbol on one of its pauldrons, a move Rei had merely smiled at.

Diego: [Exaggeratedly rolls eyes] Not a particularly uncanon or unclever Nurglite thing, but after the Ruftopp Pet Semetary, I’m not especially amused.

Mortarion: She is an Arcanite’s puppet and toy, no matter how much she apes us.

The only Eva that seemed to have a sane evolution was Unit 02, which was apparently just getting faster and stronger.

Mortarion: It is changing and evolving without your consent. None of that is “sane”.

No, the headache she was having today was from the Magi. Right before a scheduled maintenance, it was giving them all sorts of trouble, and they had yet to figure out what exactly was the problem.

Leliel: Quick! Someone do a basic Google search for publicly available malware! (And if you remember what that’s a callback to, we are honored by your patronage, and sincerely thank you for sticking around for that long.)

Primarily the problems revolved around the investigation of the warehouse massacre. It was all very hush-hush on the surface, but in the backrooms and intelligence offices across the planet everyone was in an uproar, NERV included.

Taion: And yet, not a one ever detects him. Why would they, his victory is simply part of the universe…and I would think there would be at least suspicion, given how he hasn’t been anything resembling subtle when retaliating, as shown by the entire cell being destroyed.

Emma: Yeah, if you want us to believe this you should probably come up with a reason WHY Tzeentchji hasn’t been detected beyond “everyone’s an idiot”.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 104

Forty top black ops specialists from across the planet were not where they were supposed to be, and that was because thirty-nine of them were six feet under and one of them was still screaming his head off about phantoms in a NERV asylum.

Wanderer2691: …so, that’s what happened to that guy who was nuts. That was pointlessly cruel, leaving him to die while insane. And a possible loose end if SEELE makes him lucid enough to get actionable intel.

GENDO’S FATED BASTARD: 454

TALON ON THE SCALES: 105

The investigation had turned out to be equally maddening. They had found nearly a thousand spent cases on the scene, but all of them matched up to weapons used by the dead operatives.

Taion: [Sinking into chair] Then…then you realize it’s someone outside, and you start looking…out…

TALON ON THE SCALES: 106

Even stranger still was the fact that the main killing grounds had next to no spent casings

Taion: Then check bullet holes. They…they’re bolts. Rocket propelled grenades. Traces of…propellant…and the detonation…shrapnel…not bullet…why do I even bother…

Leliel: You have my sympathies. In addition, someone on Discord pointed out that SEELE noticing what a canopic jar is would clue them into Tzeentchji’s new Eva armor, especially given how SEELE almost certainly recognizes Egyptian symbolism. I am not backpointing, as nobody in that dead team was able to radio the existence of that jar after they recognized it was a threat, but that isn’t really a compliment - it just underlines how much Academia Nut is unwilling to let someone get one over on Tzeentchji, even potentially.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 107

EXCOMMUNICAE CANONICUS: 181 (A 40k bolt. Is recognizably. Not. A. Bullet.)

while the places where there were large concentrations of fire should have been enough to put down a small African rebellion, but there had been no signs of any casualties.

Sporkers: [Stunned silence]



(https://giphy.com/gifs/KreativCopywriting-escalator-escalate-escalated-quickly-uJ35wouPLkaes8pxJJ )

Mortarion: Why is that the first comparison that comes to mind? Beyond, I suppose, that you are a petty idiot with no comprehension of how much damage a “small” rebellion can do.

Shinobu: That is a good question, and…I genuinely have no idea if this is supposed to be SEELE being racist or the author being a racist edgelord - or both. Either way…I think Keel’s an equal-opportunity megalomaniac, everyone will be equal as a hive mind in Instrumentality, even if he’s more equal than others.

DUMMY PLUGGED: 280

Leliel: …I’m thinking that “edgelord” is a default, because the next is just…giggle-worthy.

Finally there were the bodies. A few had normal wounds caused by ammunition cooking off, but the fact that the ammo was in an armoured box that had been blown to pieces made the situation equally unusual. One man had had his head ripped off by what appeared to be the application of industrial machinery to an unintended purpose. One man had his head ripped off by some unknown mechanism and then his head and spinal column used as a spear to destroy their radio equipment, which was impossible to say the least. One man had been violently dismembered with his headless and armless torso tossed in a box and mailed to the head of SEELE, although quite obviously it didn't go her far as bodies in boxes tend to get noticed by security.

Diego: …uh…huh. Speaking of, in Katya and Ambrose’s extratemporal adventures, they made contact with what I believe to be your old club.



(https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1191864-edgy)

[Chaos Control warp suddenly phases into being, depositing a letter onto Shinobu’s head.]

Shinobu: [Reading] “Dear Professor Munoz: We disavow all knowledge of this DAMNED idiot, if you are referring to Academia Nut or Tzeentchji. - Shadow the Hedgehog.” All-caps swear and all. Huh, guess he’s following along. Can’t say that universe’s version is one to talk, given Hatred Guy and Superboy-Prime in there, but…

Taion: Mailed…place it was mailed from…check there…what’s different from torso…keeps going and going and going and going…

Emma: “ although quite obviously it didn't go her far as bodies in boxes tend to get noticed by security.” I would like to point out that this example of ass-covering does not address my “Does SEELE have a public PO box” question.

THE DARK PRINCE’S AT FIELD: 213

TALON ON THE SCALES: 108

Those were the bodies they could somewhat understand. The vast majority of the dead had quite simply been blown apart from the inside out by some unknown force that left no shrapnel, no powder burns, and no other physical evidence of what had happened to them.

Taion: Oh…s’why. Because…complete obliteration. Despite the Rubrics using their weapons. Traceless. ‘S not how anything works, because Chaos. Because psykers. Because Stu. Because that’s how things are…

Leliel: Hey, unrelated, is it just me, or has anyone else noticed the amount of…flies…in the…sporking…cham…oh no. Ohhhh, fuck.

Mortation: Don’t look at me. You’ve stuck me in… whatever this is.

Wanderer2691: And we just got done cleaning from Futaba’s psychic rampage…

TALON ON THE SCALES: 109

EXCOMMUNICAE CANONICUS: 182 (There is canonical trace evidence of bolter rounds that can be investigated. This is pathetic.)

THE DARK PRINCE’S AT FIELD: 214 (Still fetishizing the power.)

There were a few holes in the walls to indicate what might have been bullet holes, but they were huge and would have required a 20mm cannon to make, if not for the fact that a 20mm cannon would not have behaved the way the ballistics of the holes dictated the rounds had.

Shinobu: And Ritsuko, not being an idiot, promptly checked out the holes and found the trace evidence there. In a good fic.

Emma: Fucking Rubric Marines are still a completely “out of context problem” for NERV. They would be finding weapon traces, and going “why do these vaguely resemble highly advanced versions of our current experimental weapons?”. That would still be frightening to NERV. You could still get dramatic irony out of it. And yet, here we are.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 110

Thus, it was only somewhat surprising that when all the data had been entered from forensics, the Magi had compiled it all and then spat out, "Incorrect data entry, please re-enter."

Diego: The first time, because I’m given to understand the MAGI are artificial intelligences, and would catch on the second time, asking for clarification - and more importantly, they were engineered to literally analyze alien terraforming machines with psychic ego barriers, I think they can have broadened parameters!

TALON ON THE SCALES: 111

The three supercomputers could be obstinate mules at times, her mother had programmed them that way, and it had taken well over an hour for Ritsuko just to figure out that the bastards were rejecting the data because it was literally impossible. In that light, it was simply a well designed UI trying to prevent user error by inputting nonsensical values. It had taken Ritsuko and her team another four hours to write a patch that would override that and allow for the analysis of data that defied the laws of physics.

Taion: And so something that is, at its core, an explosion is something so outside physics that nobody can understand. But, y’know, that’s obvious! [Manic, not-happy smile] All you need to know is what makes Tzeentchji so impressive, goes! It’s just the way things are! So, you know, it’s a completely legitimate thing that the elder Akagi apparently thought explosions didn’t happen in an alien invasion! [Laughs bitterly into rusty, greenish gauntlet that looks entirely functional despite being decades without cleaning]

Shinobu: … Goddammit where do these things keep coming from?! [Takes picture of gauntlet.]

Emma: How the fuck is this “literally impossible”. The Rubrics did all that shit in Marine form. They were doing all that as Dudes (But Big) with Weapons (But More). They should be confusing to a setting with 0 idea they exist, but not literally impossible, and Ritsuko should not be doing this “poor fainting bewildered woman” thing over something that shouldn’t break any recognizable rules, and shouldn’t be out of her control when she’s the one who made the Psychic Mom Meat Mecha.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 112

DUMMY PLUGGED: 281

EXCOMMUNICAE CANONICUS: 183 (Because it’s 40K tech fail too.)

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 344 (Ritsuko, A Womanz, is being used to show Inferiority to A Manz.)

Diego: So, the fact we need to find something that breaks Taion out of his corruptive funk aside, the next is just the MAGI finally spitting out the general dimensions of the Rubric Marines, including that their tech is, well, hyper-advanced compared to Eva Earth, and further emphasizes the curb-stomp…which is worth another point.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 113

It is, after all, making Tzeentchji cooler by proxy.

Worst of all though were the deaths of the commander and the radio operator. The report showed that the only way for them to have been killed was by internally applied forces, the sort of thing that would require huge and complicated machines that would take time to set up and leave nasty marks from all the needles and such to work.

Shinobu: [Opens mouth.]

Or a more esoteric method of causing the damage.

"What about the Angels and AT-fields?" Ritsuko asks.

Shinobu: [Closes mouth]

There is a pause followed by the response, "Theoretically possible, but the fine control necessary has never been demonstrated. Additionally, the power bloom would have been detected."

Mortarion: Then you extrapolate. You assume it Is an AT-field with fine control and act accordingly. That will get you farther than worrying about whether or not something that happened is “impossible”.

Wanderer2691: Shortly thereafter, the MAGI went “we have some plausible scenarios though, based on how one of the Children is clearly demonstrating that level of fine control given how he uses an enhanced AT-Staff to fight.” But of course, you can’t expect Academia Nut to remember his own canon when inconvenient.

Taion: But, why bother? Clearly these machines have realized it’s impossible to fight and are making plans to survive in the Chaotic wreck. It’s not like mere logic can stop him… [More flies crawl out between spaces and start crawling over his chair]

TALON ON THE SCALES: 114

DUMMY PLUGGED: 282

A sudden dread washed over Ritsuko as she pulled up the monitoring logs for that night at the approximate time of the attack. There was nothing for blue patterns, but there were other patterns, patterns that were normally ignored. Like the red pattern, the one used for humans like the Children, the people who were special.

Shinobu: …fun fact, apparently Futaba did keep future vision from her Keeper of Celestial Flame phase, and gave me this letter to read out as soon as a red pattern showed up. Ahem:

Futaba Of The Past: “NO IT ISN’T, YOU THOUGHTLESS HACK! A red pattern, aka a Red Blood Type, shows up precisely once in the series, when Unit-01 merges with the Lance of Longinus and class changes to God, and then only for a second before it goes all Tree of Life and Instrumentality on us! You know, when it had ceased to be purely human! Not that you’d know the reference to Blue Christmas, a fairly classic Japanese movie that ‘blue pattern’ is based on - given how it’s explicit in that movie that blue-blood is literally a new ethnicity that is a victim of hate crimes, you’d probably decide the director was siding with the Angels rather than purge the alien. How very Imperial of you, Academia Nut.”

Diego: …Okay, that’s a good pun, given the origin of this fic and how the author thinks this is a good pun. But, either the author thinks Tzeentchji is a god, or he didn’t pay attention in End of Eva.

Emma: …huh, yeah. This “pro-Chaos” fic really is tied directly to the idea that the Angels are pure evil and need to be eliminated by Manly Man Guns. There’s not really a fundamental difference between Academia Nut and an Imperium twitter account terrified of GW going “woke”.

DUMMY PLUGGED: 283

The red pattern that night was so bright it drowned out the city. Ritsuko started winding it back, to see when and where it started.

Taion: On the pattern: Why can’t it be both?

Mortarion: [Frown] This pattern…how long has it been so noticeable?

It didn't end. She went back weeks, months, and the pattern only diminished slightly.

Mortarion: … So it is a total intelligence failure then, because you didn’t even install a cogitator to detect when something that may have been a glitch in the sensor appeared despite being in a permanently defensive position. That you continue to exist is an insult to basic tactics, let alone entropy.

Shinobu: …oh no. The Grim Reaper is making sense…

Taion: Terrible, terrible sense. There is no succor, no logic, just the inevitable collapse in the face of a divine ego…[Greenish veins start creeping up the Rotted Claw as his Mondo start looking more tattered]

Diego: Wait, since when did we know its name-ahem! Points.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 115

DUMMY PLUGGED: 284 (The only time the MAGI don’t detect blue patterns is when something weird is happening with Angels or they are trying to hide.)

There was a human out there with the power of an Angel.

There was only one creature she knew of that could possibly do that. Grabbing her gun out of her desk, Ritsuko stormed off for Terminal Dogma. First she would have to destroy the remaining clones to ensure the bitch didn't get back up, and then she would hunt her down. She was a threat unlike any ever before.

Wanderer2691: Wait…she thinks the source…is Rei? [Facepalm]

Shinobu: So, basically, the girl who is literally in the heart of monitoring and has been her whole life didn’t have her own pattern calibrated. Including if she’d suddenly have drastically increased power for fear of her Angelic side being unpredictable. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

Emma: Why is she jumping right to aggressive anger and calling Rei a bitch? It’d be scarier and more in character if she was more coldly detached. I can only assume this is the writer using another female character (who he continually misinterprets and writes in misogynist ways) as a scapegoat for his own fascination with inflicting his romantic leads with misogynist violence.

Taion: And she defaults to her existing hatred rather than acknowledge the literal new Child who clearly does not get along with her and shows incredible engineering knowledge as well as control over the AT Field to a greater degree, to the point of something Angelic. And so human nature aggressively chooses idiocy once again rather than arrest the fall…

Diego: …okay, can he get to the jovial side of this kind of corruption already? This is just depressing to listen to.

Mortarion: Understanding brings neither peace nor calm.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 116

DUMMY PLUGGED: 285 (Because as much as she hates Rei, she wouldn’t be the first suspect.)

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 345 (Telling that she immediately attacks the being she regards as her rival for attention, huh? And she’s vilified for it.)

Arriving at the clone tanks, Ritsuko began to initiate the sequence to destroy every one of the damn giggling Reis. She was half-way done when she noted that the inane babble of their blank minds had ominously ceased. Turning about slowly, she found all the clones staring at her, their red eyes glowing with a light that shouldn't have been there.

Shinobu: And a pair of highly reflective sunglasses, because Gendo would not be down with this. Which brings me to the other point, Ritsuko only considers killing them after Gendo already stabbed her in the back; that was also on the second-to-last Angel, and she was tossed in a cell for the rest of the series. Great job remembering context, oh master of words.

Taion: Oh, but why bother warning Gendo of her killing his substitute daughters and vessel for Yui’s rebirth. Spite is all she has, all anyone has, what good is planning before it? Please, continue dancing, the way you smack yourselves repeatedly is endlessly amusing!

Mortarion: There is a … type of person who looks at lashing out after mistreatment and assumes it “came out of nowhere”. No understanding of how great suffering must be to reach that point.

DUMMY PLUGGED: 287 (One for her doing it instead of warning Gendo first, another for not being nearly pissed off to the point where she considered it in canon.)

TALON ON THE SCALES: 115 (How convenient for Tzeentchji.)

And standing behind her, naked and dripping LCL was one of them. When she spoke, her voice was hollow, with an unnatural reverberation.

"What are you trying to do to my sisters Dr. Akagi?" The clone asked curiously.

Diego: Okay, I believe that this is a good example of a Chaos mutation, with the clones developing more of a will of their own and ability to self-defend and awaken to do-

"I… uh…" Ritsuko tried to say something, but then her mind exploded into pain, and she could feel the thoughts being torn out.

"Ah… yes… that. I'm afraid that won't work anymore doctor, I already took precautions to disable that system. Oh, and you won't be needing that," the clone says, gesturing with a finger, causing the gun to rip out of Ritsuko's pocket and then go flying away.

Diego: …since when does Nurgle grant better psychic powers? I get Rei and all her replicas were psychic beforehand, but the Grandfather is kind of more biomancy. Conjuring flies, extruding tentacles, or just rotting the mechanisms are more his style.

Shinobu: Because Plague Sister Fucker needs his trophy to be hot, of course. Those are all gross powers. Please ignore the Pet Sematary.

Mortarion: *mustters something about “stupid flashy pretty Tzeentchian psykers”*

PRIMORDIAL BRAINFART: 184

"You killed all those men," Ritsuko says.

"The first three were an accident. We knew more would be sent, so I asked Shinji-kun to take care of it for me. He was happy to help," the clone tells her.

"What?" Ritsuko asks in horror.

Leliel: *Ritsuko* “Why am I surprised at this?!”

Mortarion: Did the writer forget she is killing these clones because she believes they slaughtered her troops, and not out of romantic jealousy towards the child?

Shinobu: …I’m not sure there’s a difference, given how she called Rei a bitch. No point, because it’s vague enough to the point where Ritsuko is stunned at Tzeentchji being the one to be so instead of Rei, but it took me (and, OOC, Leliel) a few seconds to realize it. That’s how misogynistic this writing can get.

"Of the Children, Shinji-kun is by far the most experienced and powerful. He was the one who knew how to wipe out the likes of them.

Wanderer2691: …hey Lady Mortarion? What’s the Barbaran version of the wanking hand motion? Because I feel it’s only appropriate here.

Mortarion: I am not an adolescent. *pauses* Mime gutting and cleaning some small animal.

Wanderer2691: Works for me! [Mimes stabbing and tearing entrails out of the air.]

GENDO’S FATED BASTARD: 455 (BLAH BLAH STU IS GREAT AND MIGHTY MAN BLAH BLAH BLAH)

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 287 (Notice how it’s fluffing up DA MAAAAAAN.)

It saddens me that I only discovered how much I craved him after he met Asuka-san, and irks me that he would be saddened if I tried to take away that which he holds dear," Rei tells her.

Sporkers not Mortarion:



(https://www.pinterest.com/pin/disgusted-appalled-gif-tenor-gif-keyboard-bring-personality-to-your-conversations--381609768430251982/)

Mortarion: Is there something that I should-

Shinobu: [Wordlessly shows her the relations chart.]

Mortarion: …Is she, on some level, not also his mother? And aware of this fact? Why does she desire him?

Taion: Because the author desires Rei as a trophy bride for Tzeentchji, even if he personally clearly drools more over Asuka.

THE DARK PRINCE’S AT FIELD: 214

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 288 (Da GURRRRLZ fighting over DA MAAAAAN again.)

"That… that's impossible, Shinji doesn't have any Angel DNA in him," Ritsuko says unbelievingly.

Diego: Shortly before she remembered what he drives, his growing abilities while in it, the universal nature of AT Fields, and punched herself to get her brain working. Again, she is smart enough to roll with the punches.

DUMMY PLUGGED: 288

"He does. The ability to pilot an Eva requires incredible psychic talent, something the world lacked until Adam exploded, releasing his substance into the atmosphere. All the children born since then have had pieces of the Angels with them. In the Children, these pieces give rise to incredible psychic talent… or at least that is what Shinji-kun has pieced together from what he knows and from the various NERV reports on Second Impact," Rei explains.

Taion: [Laughs bitterly] See?! This is something only she should know fully, and yet, all is accredited to him! Because that’s how the world works! Every credit belonging to the person who she has lust for due to no great reason! Just a dumb, trained animal, born already dying! [Mondo start sprouting insectoid traits as the green veins from the claw start creeping up his arm, turning him more pallid as his glasses crack.]

Diego: …so. Uh, idly speaking, any ideas?

Mortarion: Let it continue. It is the only sensible response.

Leliel: I think I have a plan, given how this was provoked by him giving up on logic. Still, it needs to be absolute despair and at the borderline to work…as is so often the case…

DUMMY PLUGGED: 289 (Would’ve been nice to have been shown her telling Tzeentchji this and watching them work it out together, Nut.)

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 289 (All credit goes to DA MAAAAAHHHNN.)

"Why… why are you telling me all this?" Ritsuko begs.

Wanderer2691: *Rei* “You…did not know? Really?”

Shinobu: *Ritsuko* “Yeah, I know. The author has a tendency to suppress knowledge of how much I can guess about even Angels I’ve never seen before because I make his e-peen feel miniscule.”

DUMMY PLUGGED: 290

"Because then the thoughts will rise to the surface of your mind and be easier to find. There is much we want to know that you know.

Diego: As plausible as it is frustrating that Academia Nut has no idea what these things are, having dedicated too much brainspace to STUFF (™).

There are also things that I want to know personally as well… like what it is like sleeping with an Ikari," Rei says with a smile before advancing.

Sporkers:



(https://tenor.com/view/anya-disgusted-anya-disgusted-disgusted-anime-face-anya-gross-gif-26842953 )

Emma: Jesus christ, that’s a *lot*. For one, this is rape, pure and simple. It’s not a conventional assault, no, but it’s a horrific violation directly tied to sex as a form of power, particularly as this fic has shown that it understands all relationships between women in terms of sexual competition. Secondly: Rei is using a memory of someone having sex with her crush’s father, to determine what it might be like to have sex with her crush. She is also a clone of her crush’s mother. This is like. Incestuous on a level that makes ancient myth look normal. This is some “Humbert Humbert wants to impregnate Dolores Haze with her replacement” shit. I… am genuinely at a loss for further words.

Shinobu: I can try to start: Fucking really? Beyond the gross and violation factor that’d make Zeus feel unclean and unwilling to associate with you, it’s not even feasible as a case study; given how cold, aloof, uncaring, unenthused, desperate, and prone to screaming Yui’s name Gendo is, he’s way too good a lay to be compared to the black hole of narcissism and entitlement that is Tzeentchji, and I probably owe the Commander an apology for the comparison.

THE DARK PRINCE’S AT FIELD: 215

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 290 (OF COURSE THAT’S A CONCERN.)

"Don't worry Dr. Akagi; you are too valuable to kill. Although I am afraid I am inexperienced with this technique, but you should recover within a week," Rei tells her.

That deep in Terminal Dogma, there was no one to hear the screams.

Leliel: And so, we have actually come to the real narrative purpose of this chapter: marginalizing Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, as she is not a member of the harem, and in all likelihood Academia Nut feels threatened by her. Because I’m gonna show you a particular author’s note now:

Sorry that its a bit shorter than normal, the stuff from the show is a bit dry, and this episode had all of two minutes featuring the Children, who are the spot light of this story. Things should pick up in another chapter or two.

Leliel: This, my friends, is the A/N from the end of this chapter, which I would normally leave at the end, but I needed to cut and paste it here for needed context. On the one hand, shorter chapter than usual protects my sanity, on the other hand, leaving aside how one can and should focus on more secondary characters…the secondary characters focused on in Episode 13 of this episode are Misato and Ritsuko.



(https://i.pinimg.com/736x/d3/48/b0/d348b0a3f3cdb1c8211f7f57b0e59487.jpg)

Shinobu: … How very interesting.

Wanderer2691: …’Scuse me, during a word search - huh. Misato is not mentioned, at least by name, once during this chapter. To focus on the Stu and his trophies. But I don’t see any potential unseen motive here…

Emma: Okay, I can understand, in a sort of nietzschean, when-you-gaze-into-the-abyss way that Academia Nut is the sort of viewer who gets annoyed when the leads aren’t onscreen all the time and probably Likes modern streaming seasons. I can understand, in an even more brainmelting way that Ritsuko has fallen into the “bitch” box and therefore all her focus must be stripped away because she’s a scary, mean, woman who can’t be fixed with dick. But cutting out all of Misato’s focus? She’s supposed to be a romantic lead! She’s allegedly a deuteragonist! The only reason to completely cut out all her focus is because that might give her a life outside of the underage Alpha Male who is also her surrogate son, and that’s– *gestures hopelessly*.

Diego: … El burro sabe más que tú - my apologies, I mean the author and Tzeentchji here, not Emma. But there’s something that’s especially ironic here: I, as a Scion, am literally the main character of my own story - Fate warps around me so that less powerful people become Fatebound, supporting characters in my story. Before you ask, they retain free will; Fate just finds an archetypal role they already fit in and basically make being that role preternaturally easy due to coincidence and fortune. More importantly - the fact is that my Fatebound literally have more influence on me than the other way around; a Rival is always going to be able to show me up even as my skill becomes superhuman, my Boon Companion is always someone with a particular skillset or circumstanced I need but lack, and I am always going to need to look out for a Canary’s welfare lest worst things happen due to my negligence. This is literally refusing to give two people as much time of day as a literal tag by Fate saying this person is a minor supporting character. And one of them is supposedly the destined herald of Slaanesh and a harem member.

Taion: [Ignoring the Claw sprouting slimy moss as a group of rats crawl out of dark places to congregate around him] Used, discarded, used, discarded…and that’s just Misato. For Ritsuko, being an obstacle? She had to be humiliated and hurt. Because she dared to be unattractive to him. In the end - aren’t we all just beasts driven by the id, nothing long-term at all as an ally? Just…living and dying, with no plan nor purpose…

Leliel: …Okay, yeah, even if I wasn’t both worried for our own souls and everyone in Aionios if Grandpappy Pandemic gets in, I’d be saving him - he seems way too deep in the depression part of Nurglite manic-depression for his own good. But I digress! It’s not even just the fact that this entire first half was dedicated to marginalizing Ritsuko in an absolutely humiliating and degrading fashion, but completely ignoring Misato? It’s telling he considers her completely irrelevant to the Children, “oh well, she had her backstory revealed and told, time to store her away!” It’s not just misogynistic and myopic - it’s careless. Five points, to each relevant category!

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 295

THE DARK PRINCE’S AT FIELD: 220 (Reveling in torture and humiliation)

DUMMY PLUGGED: 295 (Why isn’t Misato involved in this episode, anyway? She’s effectively third in command!)

TALON ON THE SCALES: 120 (Getting the actual hero of the day to make the Stu and his harem KEWLer.)

All of NERV was in a sombre mood with the lead of their science division currently hospitalized for what appeared to be a stress related stroke.

Leliel: Aaaand nobody questions why this happened near the Big Tank o’ Reis. Or checked the MAGI logs to see what caused her stress. Of fucking course.

Mortarion: They know about the mysterious mass psychic slaughter, don’t they? I think it’s a good time to start applying what you call Occam’s Razor. This is not a “sombre mood”, it should be a paranoid one.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 121

It was very minor and no permanent damage aside from some memory loss was expected, but she was still in a coma. This was devastating news with the Magi repair cycle coming up, but there was nothing that could be done.

Diego: Especially not anything that could possibly affect our alleged heroes negatively in any way, combined with convenient memory loss, despite memory alteration not being a Nurglite power.

Taion: All reason is already dead, if it ever lived…

TALON ON THE SCALES: 122

PRIMORDIAL BRAINFART: 185

Life had to go on even while Ritsuko lay in a bed hooked up to a dozen machines.

Shinobu: Hooked up to a dozen…wait a minute.



(Not linking directly, because TRIGGER WARNING: this is from the Shinji Masturbates To Unconscious Asuka scene. Title is “This is sickening! - Asuka's Coma - End of Evangelion” by Vic Bauss, a record of that scene)

Shinobu: …Academia Nut. For one, you are either not very creative, have a sick sense of humor, or more likely, both. Secondly, fuck off, reducing Ritsuko to Asuka’s state in canon is insulting to both characters. And then some.

Emma: Let’s not forget, this is the fic that not only brought it up to prove how its Shinji is “better”, despite being more abusive in a more controlled mental state, but also had Asuka say she would be insulted if he didn’t molest her in a coma. I can only synthesize this into “Ritsuko is an unfuckable bitch so she can’t even get a coma wank”, which is extremely uncharitable but this fic has earned no charity.

THE DARK PRINCE’S AT FIELD: 216

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 291 (Notice it’s Ritsuko, the Non-Fuckable One, reduced to Hapless Comatose Victim. And we aren’t even meant to feel bad for her.)

Especially since Gendo was not the sort of person to allow his employees any slack for this sort of thing.

Wanderer2691: …Touche, fic.

He did however allow that without Ritsuko the process would be significantly slower.

Gendo was also secretly quite worried about what had happened.

Taion: [Slight regaining of will] He was even more secretly worried about why he needed to be secretly worried, as everyone would share his opinion and it would not be a special loss of face to apparently share in the mood.

Mortarion: *sarcastically* And here I thought the leaders who earn the most loyalty are those who set themselves above all their followers and petty human feelings.

Emma: Wait, was that a joke? Wow.

DUMMY PLUGGED: 296

Ritsuko had been discovered in the elevator leading down to Terminal Dogma, her lab coat stained with LCL drippings. What had she been doing down there and why? And whatever had happened to her had not been a stroke, although it had caused neural bruising to the part of her brain pertaining to memory. The implications of what could have happened were… frightening.

Leliel: So, naturally, he quietly formed a team to make a clandestine investigation, and-

Emma: Sorry to interrupt, but I’m 90% brain bruising IS a type of stroke. A stroke is when brain cells are killed due to blood flow, whether lack of blood flow or hemorrhaging. Brain bruises might not cause that die off, but if they do, it’s a stroke.

Leliel: Huh. Did not know that (quick edit:and we were informed after this post was published that yeah, it's not a hemorrhagic stroke until brain bleed puts pressure on under vessels, but bruising a strong risk for one). Thanks. No point, mostly because there is not a score for “bad biology that isn’t contriving ease” rather than forgiveness. But, as noted, Gendo launches his own investigation-

Fortunately Lilith still seemed well restrained, the Lance of Longinus recently recovered from Antarctica ensuring passivity. Still, considering that the last thing Ritsuko had been working on before she suffered her "attack" was the analysis of the warehouse massacre, this was simply compounding the mystery.

Leliel: -oh yeah, that’d be inconvenient for the Stu, and so Lilith is the only one suspected, instead of, I dunno, the embryo of her counterpart you happen to have on you, dumbass.

Taion: [Insane cackling] It’s hilarious! He’s so lost in his own certainties he can’t see the Grandfather’s gifts - decay, mutation, stagnation…he cannot accept the world outside his preexisting views…[eyes turned jaundiced]

TALON ON THE SCALES: 123

DUMMY PLUGGED: 297 (Gendo! [clap] Is! [clap] Smarter! [clap] Then! [clap] This!)

Still, with everything this badly messed up the old men would be sure to leap upon him if he let news of this weakness get out. So since they were expecting new data on the Dummy Plug project, he had ordered the current batch of testing to go forward as scheduled: without Ritsuko, and with the Magi still being analyzed for anomalous activities.

Shinobu: And even more conveniently for our author, as he doesn’t need to come up with alternate plotlines. Despite two focus characters not being there.

Mortarion: It’s not excess or depravity, how can anything else warrant creativity?

TALON ON THE SCALES: 124

So far the pilots had gone through with letting themselves be stripped down for this latest battery of tests with a minimum of grumbling, the majority of said grumbling coming from Asuka.

Diego: [Pointing at Tzeentchji] For good reason!

"I still don't get why we have to be naked," Asuka gripes while they are put through the decontamination process.

Leliel: [horrified realization] …Dark Gods, whyyyyyy….

Shinobu: You know that they are liable to subject you to more harem nonsense just to feed on your torment, right?

Mortarion: The Dark Prince or the Architect, maybe. The Grandfather is likely to at least destroy enough disgust to be able to tolerate it - though not to a ‘harem sex comedy being actually enjoyable’ degree.

"Oh relax Asuka, it's not so bad," Shinji tells her.

"That's because you're a pervert," Asuka points out.

Wanderer2691:



(https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2015/03/15/22/41/chinese-675119_640.jpg)

THE DARK PRINCE’S AT FIELD: 217

Rolling his eyes, Shinji says, "Please. If anyone should be worried about dignity, it's me."

Diego: [Does similar ‘gutting the air motion’ to Wanderer from earlier.]

Mortarion: You have no dignity. What you have is ego.

GENDO’S FATED BASTARD: 456

After all, I've seen both of you naked, while neither of you have yet to gaze upon my manly physique in its full glory!

Sporkers: [Stare]



(https://i.pinimg.com/236x/43/f4/ba/43f4ba4ff6b72bca4c7364d74cf2ec6d.jpg)

Emma: *hands over zir eyes* Right, so I guess them seeing you naked would bring that down, and disrupt your position of power over them? Fuck, I’m so tired of this fic.

THE DARK PRINCE’S AT FIELD: 218

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 292

You saw Rei naked! When was this?

Before you arrived here. Neither one of us particularly cared at the time.

Shinobu: And we have expounded on how not caring about nudity is a sign of how much of an absolute asshole you are in Japanese culture. In fact, given how you’re boasting?

GENDO’S FATED BASTARD: 457

It was less that she was naked and more that she was not wearing any clothes.

A likely story!

I am amused by the fact that you are not upset by the fact that Shinji claims to have seen you naked.

That's because I've already shown him most of the good stuff.

Taion: And the world warps for him to be justified! Don’t believe me?

Actually, I used remote viewing to peep on you when you changed into your plug suit back when we first met. Full frontal for the win!

Pervert!

At least I'm an honest pervert, unlike somebody who decided that since I did not look on you, physically at least, you would peek at me while I was changing.

Uh…

Taion: [Crazed bitter laughter as the Claw starts bleeding diseased-looking oil.] See! This magically makes it all better! Isn’t he so lovable! … This is the greatest hero these worlds can make, someone who “improves” things…

Emma: He is simultaneously admitting he peeked on her… and mad she peaked at him… and claiming he is an honest pervert while using psychic powers she had no way to know he had… it’s like a terrible, horny pretzel of self-justification.

Diego: Yeah…I’m seeing why this asshole being a ‘fixer’ Stu is making the guy whose strategies are based around ethics fall into the Fly Lord’s embrace. I kinda think Tzeentchji’s idea of saving involved the phrase ‘for him’ in there somewhere.

Mortarion: Silver lining is, Taion has seen the true face of hope now. He has a place once he recognizes that true compassion protects what is close to you for as long as possible.

Wanderer2691: … Nihilism aside, that is a point. This kind of carving out exceptions for himself does not a likable protagonist, even a villain protagonist, make. If anything, he’s kind of insulting to the idea of ‘narrative deepness’ of having a misguided protagonist.

GENDO’S FATED BASTARD: 458

THE DARK PRINCE’S AT FIELD: 219

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 293 (iT’s GoOd BeCaUsE sHe DiD iT!!! …/sarcasm.)

Climbing naked into the entry plugs, the three Children were then inserted into the simulation bodies and were immediately confronted with some rather bizarre sensations, the lack of their plug suits and the simulation bodies themselves giving them odd feedback.

Shinobu: More of a wasted potential thing, but what if the Angel here tried to attack them in the digital plane as well, perhaps by crafting memories of a Warhammer 40K battlefield from remnants of Khnemu’s memories? As we’ll see, if there’s any one of them able to spring bullshit strategies based on learning fast and adapting, it’s Ireul, and it allows the adults to fight with its physical half while the pilots fight its avatars in their minds.

Diego: Ah, but that might require creativity, studying the Space Wolves for an idea of a nightmare version of the Burning of Prospero (for an example) and worse, might actually give the Angel a boost the Stu cannot immediately counter, while exploring the past of someone who is no longer of use to the power fantasy. So no go.

Emma: The Warhammer universe in this fic only exists to power up the Stu. That’s all there is to its purpose. If they ended up on a dream 40k battleground, Tzeentchji would have to fight on a semi-even ground, and that can’t happen.

Asuka had yet to learn the telepathic communion that Shinji and Rei used to control their Evas, so she was perhaps the least affected, but both Shinji and Rei were disgusted by the mindless nature of the simulation bodies.

Wanderer2691: Really now. I thought that would be part of the appeal for you, Tzeentchji. More to control in a mindless body - oh wait, you can’t break its will. My bad.

Still, it was something they just had to live with.

Taion: [Hisses, along with rats and flies, somehow] You slap that phrase out of your mouths, blasphemers.

Meanwhile a patch of corrosion began to grow on a protein wall in the system. Unbeknownst to the members of NERV watching this happening, this corrosion was in fact the growth of billions of microscopic organisms, each one a fragment of a larger whole.

The Eleventh Angel had come to NERV.

Leliel: And here we come to one of my personal favorite Angels just in design alone - the aforementioned Ireul, Angel of Terror.

Leliel: …wait, no, that’s the simulation body it took over. This is a better look at the actual Angel.



Diego: I don’t see - ooooh. The corrosion. [Grins] Does this Angel know a Colour Out Of Space, perhaps?

Shinobu: Precisely. Ireul’s a hive mind of Angelic viruses - well, actually bacteria, it’d need living organisms to infect to be considered a virus, but NGE calls it a virus, so we’ll call it that - that share one AT Field but can undergo rapid and directed evolution to meet its needs at the time, thanks to its ability to reproduce its components at speed. And it is smart; in canon, it rapidly figured out how to hack the MAGI and that it needed to prevent physical damage to them to complete its goal of forcing them to undergo a self-destruct sequence - knowing full well enough of it would adapt and survive to burrow to Adam’s signal at its leisure - and assuming it planned at all, its surprise attack basically neutralized the Children completely by tricking NERV into ejecting them out of base. Ritsuko saved the day only when she realized that it had adapted itself into a living computer to attack the MAGI too well and it was vulnerable to a counter-hack that forced it into death, and as far as the Angels go, apart from Kaworu it was actually the closest to succeeding, and Kaworu was punked - if Ireul pulled it off, it could realize its mistake and pick up Adam’s embryo easily given how it bought all the time it needed. So Ritsuko pretty much saved the world… [slow realization] Motherfucker. I mean, I knew, but…seriously. This insanity is all chaff to outshine her!

Mortarion: Beautiful… The cycle of life, the endless grind of evolution… weaponized. She should be proud.

Emma: This motherfucker seriously wrote a whole-ass chapter because he couldn’t handle a Scary Sue possibly fixing something and especially fixing something in a way that doesn’t involve ostentatious ultraviolence. *beat* Anyways, “Ostentatious Ultraviolence” is my new all-woman punk band.

Taion: How dare she fix things in ways not permitted, and thus, not allowed to fix at all? Such is heroism! What a grand and rapturous tragedy!

Wanderer2691: …Goddamn, he’s actually sounding like Z now. So, let’s just hit what sent him over the edge, and note that, it’s standard procedure to eject the pilots to prevent Ireul infecting them. With that in mind, and given how it’s not mentioned why Gendo didn’t hit the eject button, this is all a couple big fat points for the premise.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 125

DUMMY PLUGGED: 298

As it began to grow and spread, preparing to make its move for the Pribnow Box and the simulation bodies, both Shinji and Rei stopped what they were doing.

Taion: …Here it comes…

Every time before when they had encountered an Angel, its psychic presence had been massive, blotting out the details, but now they felt a presence actually begin to grow, very near them.

Shinobu: Oooh, fascinating ability, it would have been nice if we had ever seen sensing an Angelic presence directly before.

Diego: It’s also an extremely easy thing to fix; Ireul is one consciousness, but presumably its cells need some way to communicate, much as how your own neurons talk with each other with impulses. Seeing as how they have one AT Field, which is explicitly a psychic power here, they could be using telepathy that is picked up by the pilots, which I imagine is a vastly difference presence than a human mind - one human is one complex of thoughts, each of Ireul’s cells is a single neuron, so each “individual” cell mind is a less-than-an-impulse that coordinates with others to form thoughts. It’s very clearly a xenos mind, and since the only xenos known are Angels…but no. We get the lazy cheat.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 126

EXCOMMUNICAE CANONICUS: 186

There is an Angel in the base.

Yes. Do we tell anyone?

How? They won't believe us, and if we do we'll just let them know what we can do once the attack begins.

Shinobu: Uh, yeah, the first sign Ritsuko realized the “corrosion” was something worse beyond how quickly it was spreading was Rei screaming in discomfort. Given how she clearly knows something’s up with the pilots, she’d just chalk it up to “things I need to research later” and you’d hide in the noise. But then our author couldn’t make you all kewl.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 127

DUMMY PLUGGED: 299

Then what do we do?

I'm thinking.

Wanderer2691: …ugh. Do I gotta? I suppose it’s required…WELL THAT’S A NICE CHANGE OF PACE, YA DIMWIT! …man, even obvious gotchas are losing their appeal. I think I’m seeing where Taion’s newfound love of Decay is coming from…

Emma: How the fuck are we supposed to tell who is speaking? There’s no dialogue tags, it’s a three-person convo so you can’t work back from the first dialogue tags assuming alternation, and when Rei and Asuka aren’t doing their “pwease shinji you’re the MAN tell us what to do” slobbering, everyone’s voices are exactly the same!

Leliel: Ah, the Indistinguishable Plane of Undifferentiated Dialogue. It is a strange place, next to the Void of Consistency where speech comes from nothing and is attributed to nowhere, leading to a state of transcended confusion where one is simultaneously wanting to leave and to understand the source, which can only be solved by leaving text behind. Mind the Voodoo Sharks that drifted over from the Void.

By this point the spread of the corrosion had warranted alarm from the technical crews and they began to prepare for the spread of contaminants. They were not prepared for what actually happened.

Taion: Heeeahahahahahaa…nor is anyone else~...

Shinobu: [Discomforted shifting away] …I changed my mind. I think I like Depressed Nurgle better…

Rei's simulation body jerked back as the Angel spread into contact with it. Panic began to set in as one of the arms tried to smash open the observation window, only for an emergency charge to blow the limb free. Someone ordered the pilots to be ejected.

Leliel: Okay, why did Ireul attack the booth here? In canon, that was after the first time the scientists tried to stop it via sealing off water pipes, and it realized they were threats. Is this petty? Hell yeah, but this fic deserves the nitpicks.

Mortarion: Clearly the writer is not smart enough to determine basic cause and effect.

DUMMY PLUGGED: 300

Two entry plugs rocketed away from the simulation bodies, exiting out hatches and heading for the artificial lake on the bottom of the Geofront.

One of them had jammed in its firing sequence, still trapped in the Pribnow box. In the chaos and confusion of the evacuation and sealing of the area, no one noticed that they were one Pilot short, except for the Pilots themselves, who remaining in telepathic contact with their missing comrade.

Shinobu: By the by, all three launches happened fine in canon, to focus on the adults and Ritsuko. So now we know the Doylist reasoning for the change, what’s the Watsonian?

Emma: A while ago–I think it was during Game of Thrones’ death spiral– I saw someone say that one of the truest signs of writing breakdowns is that things stop having Watsonian meanings. Character motivations and worldbuilding degrade in the face of serving the direct, A to B plot and what “needs” to happen in it. “Why did that happen?” “because”. This isn’t even a big plothole. It’s the sort of thing I could forgive in a better fic. But because this fic has completely eroded its end of the “suspension of disbelief contract” I don’t feel obligated to hold up my end.

Rei, are you okay?

I will endure for the moment, although I am afraid that the Angel is currently trying to absorb me into its collective. It is so far rather unsuccessful.

I can feel it from here… a quadrillion tiny fragments of a greater mind… it's a viral entity, a hive mind… and… you caused the launch failure.

Diego: [Sputters, gestures helplessly towards previous note]

Wanderer2691: Now, this was a fear in canon, and later on we see at least some Angels are fascinated by the idea of Rei and try to merge with her. So Ireul being one of them is a logical inference…except, oh yeah, it wasn’t in control of the launch commands in canon, and there’s nothing indicating why it is here. Ultimately, this is something to force a fight between Rei and Ireul, and as we’ll see, she’s not even allowed to have a true duel, because Tzeentchji needs to wave his bird wang.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 128

DUMMY PLUGGED: 301 (Explain why and when it broke the escape pods, please?)

I am confident I can make use of this situation.

Rei! You idiot! It might be like a germ, but I can feel its mind. It's an evolutionary creature; it will simply find adapt to your attacks and find ways around your defences.

Then we will have to work together. My body swims with contagions. If you help them to evolve into a better plague, then I will begin the counter contagion.

Wanderer2691: See? And moreover, she needs the man’s help to work this! Again!

Mortarion: Step back. Let her handle it. This is a contest of endurance. A contest of endurance against a plague. What on earth could a Tzeentchian possibly add here?

Emma: This would work a lot better as a team up if Tzeentchji didn’t literally call Rei an idiot for thinking she could do anything without him.

Taion: [Starting to develop an odd smell as he laughs brokenly, clearly knowing where this leads and not happy about it.]

Leliel: [Puts on gas mask] But, basically, Tzeentchji “reluctantly” agrees, as Rei notices the NERV technicians are going to make their canon mistake of trying to kill the Angel with ozone…which they only did in canon after shooting lasers at it and realizing there was an AT Field…

DUMMY PLUGGED: 302

Leliel: …but once hit with ozone the Angel quickly evolves into an aerobe and starts using it for fuel. Tzeentchji will be trying to make weapons to help Rei, Asuka will be using her eye-related mutation to be Rei’s mental shield-

Diego: How? Defending another’s mind from psychic attacks pretty much a defining trait of a true psyker, Khorne would hate that! … And this is also something Academia Nut continues to ignore to overpower his pets. Grand. Would it have killed him to have Asuka at least have made an icon that allows it through technosorcerous means, use her genius brain for smart warfare? Khorne is more than fine with that kind of mystical forging of gear, instead of dirty cheating spontaneous psychic power.

Emma: Tzeentchji is a psyker, remember? He has to be the pinnacle of everything. That doesn’t just mean that he has to be the best at everything (which he does), but the ways he does things have to be the only option, and if that means wrapping every other Ruinous Power around Tzeentch’s tentacle or talon or whatever they have, then so be it.

PRIMORDIAL BRAINFART: 187

TALON ON THE SCALES: 129

Shinobu: Ugh, at any rate, Ireul’s cell colonies are counterstruck by Rei’s Nurglite immune system and symbiotic diseases, which are already aerobic, forcing it to fall back into her simulation body and try to contain her while it evolves into a computer circuit to hack the MAGI and begin self-destruct.

That’s when Academia Nut…loses the plot. In a worse, spectacular fashion.



(https://i.imgflip.com/3pndth.jpg?a474624)

Shinji meanwhile had been forcing the diseases in Rei's body into ever more vicious evolutionary cycles, producing strains of such incredible virulence that if they had been adapted for humans they would make the Black Plague look like a case of the sniffles.

Mortarion: …excuse me.

Even though these creations were meant for killing this Angel, if they got out into the outside world they could still make smallpox look like a nasty rash.

Mortarion: *The air in the purification circle filling with a sourceless, stinking miasma* What does a Tzeentchian know of plague? What does he know of the forgotten, the overlooked and neglected? What does he know of working gradually, of working in increments? Even if the other child is closer to Slaanesh, at least she understands suffering.

Diego: …Just, that. WHAT?!

Shinobu: …somehow, I don’t think the literal nemesis of the God of Plague is supposed to be good at modifying pathogens on the fly.

Wanderer2691: He absolutely fucking isn’t. Tzeentch’s thing is Warp-shaping, time-space fuckery, probability manipulation and psychic enhancement. He can cause mutation like mad, but actually coherently directing it to a purpose is a bit harder for him, as is biomancy in general. So this is a fail on two levels!

PRIMORDIAL BRAINFART: 189

Taion: But nothing makes sense in Chaos, only the slow degradation of all into meaningless entropy! It’s just the way the cycle of the world is!

Their lines over-extended and the defenders overconfident, the attacking Angel colonies suddenly discovered that the fallback was a ruse and met with toxins specifically tailored to killing them. When they adapted to those toxins, new ones were used that used the adaptations to the old ones to be even worse.

Shinobu: This is an explicit weakness of Ireul, it can’t predict what weaknesses its evolution will give it.

The newly forming circuit colonies were mercilessly bombed. New thoughts died half formed, and to top it all off a special strike team found the physical connections to the Magi and severed them.

Shinobu: This, on the other hand, is some grade-A bullshit. Because the whole reason NERV has problems with Iruel was because it was protecting its connection with its AT Field.



Leliel: Ah, see, that’s different, because Ireul was protecting itself on the pipe, and so we can’t assume - I’m sorry, my prefrontal cortex is informing me absolutely nothing stops it from just communicating over wireless to get to the MAGI even if we can’t assume it’s protecting its jack-in ports too, and the actual source of infection of the MAGI was in the Pribnow box itself, by that point the MAGI were likely already being hacked, as Ireul grows so fast that Gendo actively jettisoned the Evangelions out of fear of it taking them over. Genius, shows incredible love of and attention to the series, author. Certainly doesn’t make me think of you being completely unable to think of actual conflict that might give your precious Stu trouble…

Taion: Even sense dies…even sense dies differently from how it should to make the heroes more ‘appealing’.

Mortarion: It is all pretty falsities. *standing, hand extended* Join me. Join me in the truth.

Leliel: Oy. Let me try to save him first before the wards collapse.

DUMMY PLUGGED: 303

TALON ON THE SCALES: 129

Furious now, the Angel resorted to using its AT-field on a microscopic scale to deal with this insult. The diseases responded by bringing forth something special Shinji had cooked up just for something like this: psychic bacteria.

Diego:



(https://media1.tenor.com/m/URnXfYRXQgUAAAAC/blank-stare.gif)

…leaving aside the idea that bacteria have enough of a Warp presence to have psychic powers, without anything that could be considered a mind…where did you pull this from? That’s the kind of working that gets Gray Knights called in! The Space Marines made from the Emperor’s own genetics to stop apocalyptic Chaos incursions! At minimum! …no offense, Lady Mortarion.

Mortarion: None taken. As much as that petty, smug Chapter Master has humiliated me, I’d leave this nonsense to them while I focused on other matters; it is offensive to have a disease be Arcanite.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 130

EXCOMMUNICAE CANONICUS: 190 (There’s a reason psyker powers are associated with high intelligence and complex emotions.)

Trillions of nanoscopic lightning bolts began to leap out, punching through the tiny AT-fields. A well placed bolt in the circuits could destroy an entire colony as the energy propagated down the superconductive lines, burning out switches and relays.

Wanderer2691: And then because the circuits weren’t destroyed, Ireul promptly evolved surge protectors and started fighting back with psychic powers of its own…in a universe where Tzeentchji is actually allowed to face difficulty or dramatic tension.

Emma: So, is this meant to be coming from the *snickers* psychic bacteria? Because if it is, I would like to point out that literally all life has some electric potential, and Rei probably could’ve brewed a taser plague on her own.

Diego: It could, but then THE MAN couldn’t save her. I think I should mention here that Fatebound who exist in a friendly role always have the ability to help their counterpart, no matter how big the power differential is. Literal demigods have more equal power flows than this.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 131

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 294

The AT-field got stronger. The bacteria began to group together to throw about sparks visible to the naked eye. All the observation areas were destroyed and visual sensors were down, but the inside of the Pribnow Box was suddenly alive with shifting, twisting colours and sparking lighting and bubbles escaping from every surface.

Shinobu: …so literally nobody in NERV sees this and might get suspicious. Convenient!

TALON ON THE SCALES: 131

The battle was brutal, but ever so slowly the Angel began to turn back the tide, its defences getting stronger by the second while the lightning throwers were no longer causing enough damage to counter the growth of the Angel's colonies.

Diego: And started feeding on the electrical bursts to regain the lost Ireul colonies and then some, because from my hand-out, that is what Iruel does.

DUMMY PLUGGED: 304

It was at this point that the Angel noted that it was having problems forming new colonies as the substrates to attach down to were corroding in a highly basic environment. The change had been slow enough that the Angel had adapted, but it now realized that everything it had faced had been adapted to a basic environment before the battle began.

Leliel: [Biology hat on] Okay, this gets some appreciation for recognizing that the Pribnow box is filled with heavy water, aka deuterium oxide, which is an isotope of water that is, in fact, a base - 7.44 on the pH scale - and this turns out to be foreshadowing for the plan, which is actually fairly clever. Appreciation immediately retracted, as 7 is neutral pH - which is not highly basic, it’s a weak base by definition. Hell, it’s even safe to drink, albeit not as a dominant source of fluid, because it’s only slightly more basic than the general average pH of the human body - 7.40! We’ll get an explanation as to where the heavy alkalinity (base qualities) comes from, but where did the initial alkaline-loving microbes come from?! How did they thrive in an environment that was only somewhat basic?! Does Academia Nut think humans are made of limestone or something, and so they have extremophile bacteria in their guts?!

Wanderer2691: …maybe Tzeentchji is a Rock Human from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure? Being of a species that literally doesn’t get personal empathy or love would explain some things. Let’s force-feed him a mango and find out! (If you get that reference, I salute you, fellow Jojo memer.)

TALON ON THE SCALES: 132 (Because it’s part of the Totes Hard Science Victory over Ireul to suddenly be able to twist biochemistry of the bacteria into novel forms that probably violate chemistry like this and resemble nothing of what Rei or Tzeentchji have in their gut flora.)

It was at this point it noted that there was a massive bubble of oxygen and hydrogen sitting at the top of the Pribnow Box, the water broken down by the AT-fields and electricity thrown about. A tiny spark was launched by a strike team at the surface.

Taion: And this was done despite the strike team explicitly not being able to tell what’s going on in the box according to this fic. Or there are enough non-visual sensors to tell that there is something wrong with the environment, and would likely look into the odd behavior of the pilots given how all of this results in energies those can pick up. So does logic continue to decay. [Content smile as he lets the vermin nest on him.] The mold eats the dead, the strong prey on the weak, rain falls, wind blows, all is as it should be…

Diego: [Writes down something] Okay, gotta use that in the future…silver lining, this has been a mine for characters to RP in the next tournament.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 133

If bacteria could have grinned, they would have.

The Pribnow Box was blown apart, the pressure wave destroying millions of colonies, the sudden boiling temperatures killing millions more, and the sudden draining of the water annihilated yet more as the colonies were exposed to a dry environment. Quintillions of the units died in three seconds. And into this devastation arrived the nastiest creations Shinji had cooked up yet.

Mortarion: Shinji. Of course. Never let her accomplish anything, never let her own her victories *Human guise beginning to slough off and disintegrate, revealing something that looks like a bog mummy crossed with a death’s head moth* After all, what can she do compared to you?

Emma: *Watching the seeping pus and bile sizzle and evaporate as it hits the wards* Hey guys, that means it’s working, right?

Shinobu: Yeah, but I don’t want to see what happens if that Claw finishes with Taion…

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 295

They were microscopic battleships, adapted to the air and to the heat, and they were packing the reason why the environment had become highly basic. Huge colonies of fungi had spread down the simulation body and began harvesting water… heavy water. Separating the deuterium from the oxygen had produced ionized oxygen that tended to strip hydrogen off water to produce two hydroxide ions.

(https://mystickermania.com/cdn/stickers/hilarious-road-signs/warning-sign-science-ahead-512x512.png)

Leliel: Now…here’s a thing that reaches the limits of my knowledge. Heavy water, aka D2O, is defined by having deuterium hydrogen components, as opposed to plain H2O, which is protium hydrogen - normal hydrogen. Deuterium has a single neutron in its nucleus, making it heavier, hence the term “heavy water” - and stripping off a hydrogen from a water does create a hydroxide ion, -OH, which does end up making things more alkaline, or basic - in fact, pH is a measurement of hydrogen ions (H+) versus hydroxide, the more H+ the more acidic the more hydroxide the more basic. So, yeah, more hydroxide, the more basic…but I’m not sure if it’s the same for deuterium oxide, as that neutron does a lot-

Diego: Read again. It says the oxygen ions create the hydroxide. You know, the things so incredibly reactive that it instantly reacts with itself, hence why the native form of oxygen in its pure state is O2, because it combines with itself almost instantly rather than exist as ions at all.

Leliel: Oh yeah! …In that case, this is a violation of physics and chemistry, and thus, this Leet Science Pwnage is not actually possible. Academia Nut, see me after class.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 134

Shinji had created flying, thermophilic psychic bacteria armed with fusion cannons.

Sporkers:

Watch on YouTube

Telekinetically accelerating deuterium ions together, the bacteria hurled the products at the still shell-shocked colonies, bombarding them with x-ray, neutron, and alpha radiation. The attacks also positively charged the target, and the bacteria let the electrons stripped from the deuterons fly off towards their targets.

Wanderer2691: …that just raises further questions!

Shinobu: ..I…wha…how…don’t all those things kill bacteria!? How are they even alive to shoot!?

Diego: You’ve been paying attention! And…they do. I’m not even going to begin to guess at whether the electron spitting works or not, but fun fact about fusion energy - it’s energy. Just because alpha radiation dissipates fast enough to the point where storage isn’t a worry, it doesn’t mean all the membranes and proteins and DNA in the oh-so-cool fusion bacteria won’t instantly dissolve before you even fire it off! For the Black Goat’s sake, you have access to organic proteins and molecules, use freaking enzymes and venoms! Those can be changed to something unrecognizable through an amino acid shift! Especially when the Warp is letting you pull off more crazy shit!

Mortarion: Everything must be centered around him. Everything must be centered around his idea of power. The idea that something as small and insignificant and mindless as a germ could bring something great and complex low is beyond him, because it makes him feel insecure. If he had to admit that, perhaps his power would not be the pinnacle of all existence. Viruses exist. Build your army inside this Angel’s cells, and tear it apart from the inside. What could be more impressive than that?

Taion: But those would be Grandfather’s gifts - and more importantly, not flashy enough for his vanity. All is vanity…

Leliel: …okay, now the spooky morbid Nurgle thing is starting to get a little annoying. But, yeah, all of those would have fried these KEWL microbes instantly, so given how Tzeentchji isn’t explicitly insulating them somehow, one point of biology breakage for each form of radiation.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 137

The walls of the box melted under the barrage. The bacteria were very thorough, starting at the top, causing the melted remains to fall down on lower colonies, frying them.

Diego: And if this is on any microbial scale, let alone atomic, then this would not be nearly as impressive as Academia Nut thinks - maybe some of the lining would become superheated, but not enough to affect structural integrity, for the simple fact that everything is very very small. Once again, biochemical enzymes are your friends.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 138

They also salted the destroyed areas with friendly spores capable of surviving on the melt.

Shinobu: Uh, yeah, surviving on the molten surface hot enough to kill the adapter Angel without it figuring a way around. Sure, Jan.

Mortarion: Extremophile fungus take a lot of work, as I am constantly reminded by my weapons technicians.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 139

With outside atmosphere leaking in, the spores began nitrogen fixing to produce acids and toxins that they rained down on the lower colonies.

Diego: Why, oh why, does this fic follow my ideas in ways that don’t fix the items I brought them up to patch. Instantly?

By the time the Angel got its head together, so to speak, it had lost 81.4 of its initial mass and the attackers were already varying their tactics and techniques to avoid adaptation.

Leliel: I would like to remind everyone that by the time Ireul manifested itself, it had taken over an entire Simulation Body, which is about the size of an Eva minus its legs and head, and here, it took over the height of the Pribnow box, which contains all of them within it. 81.4 percent of initial mass means these microbes have taken down nearly all of something that is able to cover the surface of something close to being forty meters tall, or larger. This is impressive, given how the largest bacterial cell is 100,000 times smaller than a meter.

Mortarion: It could happen, it would just require significant time, and patience, none of which are evident in these characters. In an urgent situation, go small. Destroy the command centers, or the ganglion, or whatever it is.

Taion: So small…we are all so small, in the end…

Diego: …he’s definitely refusing to read this. Defensive despair against the inconsistencies claiming to be “hard science.” That is honestly something I need to remember.

TALON ON THE SCALES: 140

Condensing its remaining colonies together, it projected a massive AT-field as it began construction of a full sized S2 organ. It needed all the power it could get in fighting these unholy monstrosities.

Wanderer2691: This is…actually fair, while Ireul shows no visible core or S2 engine in canon, that’s likely because it’s a hive mind. Pretty much each individual Ireul cell nucleus is as close to a core as it can have, containing its DNA, and while it should have learned to adapt and absorb shocks, it falling back to making a true S2 organ as a fallback makes sense. So, this gets a pass.

Mortarion: This angel is displaying far more of the Grandfather’s blessing than any of these… nuclear-railgun bacteria are.

Once protected behind a full strength AT-field, something that the bacteria could not punch through, the Angel punched forward a line of growth directly at the disease covered simulation body that housed the source of the power for these ludicrous attacks. The Angel steamrolled everything in its path, using its AT-field to slice, crush, and destroy everything that stood in its way while it rapidly formed new connections, becoming smarter with each passing moment.

Taion: It then comprehended what fic it was in and froze in catatonic horror before joining Rei in communion with the Grandfather, both turning on Tzeentchji. The end.

Crashing into the simulation body, the Angel punched tendrils of growth deep into its decaying flesh, towards the entry plug.

Wanderer2691: …hey, is it just me, or is the Rotted Claw…pulsating?

Right when it hit the plug it struck a counter AT-field and the casing was the scene of a monstrous battle on the micro-scale as plasma blasts, lightning bolts, and telekinetic attacks were exchanged between opposing forces.

Shinobu: Yeah…hey Diego? Mortarion? Is it…typical Nurgle for metal to come to life?

Mortation: Generally speaking, the metal living is a sign of necrodermis, something anathema to the Warp…but it seems that the Claw is agitated. Something that is like it, but it senses something…familiar, and yet, a threat.

Diego: Familiar to…a Nurgle artifact? … Oh Leng no.

The Angel however had learned many tricks, and with its S2 organ, it could bring more power to bear than Rei's defenders.

Leliel: [Fastens gas mask on deeper.] Yep! We’re about to get to our first Gross Rei Mutation moment! It gets worse from here folks!

It cracked the case of the entry plug and immediately found Rei, for she had grown too. Her body, the primary factor for the most monstrous contagions ever dreamed up, had swollen with cancerous growths to surface as an incubator for new strains. The Angel punched straight through the layers of overlapping tumours for the central nervous system. It wrapped about Rei's spinal column and then began travelling up towards her brain.

Sporkers: [Very, very long pause.]

(https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/167/243/e2a.jpg)

Mortarion: I have seen worse already. I have lived worse already. Welcome to life.

Wanderer2691: Perhaps. And yeah, this is better than the Semetary. But…holy shit I could feel my skin crawl and my back twinge.

Shinobu: It’s really more dreading what’s worse that’s provoking this expression.

Taion: Then embrace it. Let the rot in and accept his gifts, knowing that you have lived one more day, and simply accept there is nothing to be done…

Leliel: …Okay, I’m fetching that salvation-from-Nurgle material. But for now, a point for…that loving description…

THE DARK PRINCE’S AT FIELD: 220

Asuka dropped the mental shield she had been projecting.

Wanderer2691: …oh hey Asuka! Nice of you to be a main character in this fic instead of completely forgotten to hold up an invisible shield and do nothing else.

Emma: WHy was she even here? She did nothing. This isn’t even like Rei’s portrayal, where she was apparently working in equal tandem with Tzeentchji, despite him taking control of her fucking plague. There was at least an attempt there, even if it was immediately swallowed up by Academia Nut’s unwillingness to understand a woman might be good at something. Asuka, though? She spends this whole fight fundamentally offscreen, passively holding up a psychic barrier. You could have her be knocked out in the ejection and nothing would change. Hell, then we wouldn’t have to ask why the Khornate is not only a psyker, but a psyker capable of doing defensive support while others fight, as if that doesn’t go against everything that Khorne stands for. I shouldn’t be surprised, given Khorne is the least fleshed-out god in canon, and this fic simplifies all of them way down, but I think even a stupid, shallow understanding would get the idea that “shield projector” doesn’t fit.

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 296

For just an instant the Angel heard the mental chatter it had been protected from and it knew that its race was doomed. The Angels ultimate strength was their adaptability, the ability to react to a changing environment.

Shinobu: …huh?

The Lilim on the other hand could adapt before a change occurred. They could see what was coming and act accordingly.

Shinobu: Uh, yeah, and I guess one could argue that, given how Kaworu admitted the only way he could avoid his instinctive purpose of Third Impact was dying, but seriously, when was that-

They did not need to see a challenge coming to be ready for it. They could use the reactive nature of the Angels to prod them into evolutionary paths that ended in an ambush.

Shinobu: Can that stop? It makes sense for Ireul, but since when does Matariel have adaptation, or how does Shamshel being a flying prawn show flaws that Ramiel, a long-range laser spammer, corrects for…

Emma: Thank you for assuring me there’s actually no danger for our heroes in any way.

The Children had shielded the Angel from psychic chatter so that it would never develop the appropriate defences. They had unleashed hellish, impossible plagues against it, forcing it to divert all of its energy, all of its attention towards defending against the physical, and then when it had linked with Rei and both minds were open, the mental attack was launched.

Shinobu: And why hasn’t it adapted to psyker powers yet when it had literal psychic bacteria being used against it-

The Eleventh Angel did not have time to communicate its findings to its brethren. It had just enough time to get off a psychic scream of absolute despair and fear that rattled them all to the core. For what it found in Rei's mind was one word, one command that could not be denied.

Die.

[Long silence.]

Shinobu: So. Let me outline the scenario. We had…all that.

Leliel: Yep.

Shinobu: With Ritsuko being shelved via mind rape.

Wanderer2691: Pretty much.

Shinobu: Then shit going wrong spontaneously to justify Rei being in danger and on the frontline.

Diego: Seems that way.

Shinobu: With all the psychic bacteria and the fusion cannons and the implausibility.

Mortarion: That is the assessment I made as well.

Shinobu: And the ultimate plan…

Was the same exact thing Ritsuko did in canon, but with psyker powers.

The Angel's mind and soul were shattered and sent hurling into the abyss, its body dissolved as the components all ceased to live and the pieces were disintegrated and incinerated as all the life forms Rei had released also died as one in an apocalyptic explosion that caused the nitrogen in the air to burn with the oxygen for a time.

Emma: *laughing hysterically* No, no, it was completely different! This time it exploded, because explosions are cool! It’s a real, valid change, and not the result of a desperate need to prop up Tzeentchji’s masculinity.

Shinobu: Got it. [Long pause]

[Sadly, exact records of the next moment spontaneously combusted from sheer rage, so enjoy this largely accurate recreation.]

Watch on YouTube

Taion: [Suddenly snapped out of misery] Are we…are we sure the Hateful Tearer is gone? Because that was…spectacular.

Leliel: …oh, hey, an opening! And what the chainsword is called, but I digress. Before I continue, I’m thinking the reason you’ve making friends with that glove is because logic and reality itself is bending to Chaos, yes? More specifically Tzeentchji?

Taion: I mean…why wouldn’t it? It’s just…if this is how Warhammer 40K is written, then of course Evangelion is being warped, along with all internal logic. If it’s not him, it’s the Imperium - the ‘cruelest, most despotic regime imaginable.’ Why bother? We are all going to be consumed by whatever tumor this idea of Chaos is going to be on the multiverse - why not fall? Why not accept the Grandfather’s gifts, and make my world at least independent of his in its corruption? Reason has no place. Consistent reality has no place. Just the grim darkness and this…immature wretch. Like Diego says, there is a place for compassion in the sump…

Mortarion: You have come to understand, now. I apologize for the pain. Resisting the truth is painful, and futile. No matter how long we struggle to keep our heads above water, eventually we give in and find peace. It would be easier if we could give in faster, but that is not something our natures can accept.

Diego: [Stepping in] That may be so, but…Taion, I won’t lie. Games Workshop can and has cheated to force Chaos victories, because they can’t deal with the idea of Order just being more popular a lot of the time and can’t keep up with the fact their players want good things to occasionally happen, against the will of the metaplot. Especially in Fantasy, where the Storm of Chaos was a…real event, I can tell you.

But, once outside of their need for wargame scenarios…what if I told you that there has been a major game release where the choice isn’t between the Imperium and Chaos? To create a pocket empire free of either, by choosing to trust the alien and dispense with xenophobia?

Taion: …uh?

Leliel: Rogue Trader, by Owlcat Games, is an adaptation of, well, Rogue Trader, a tabletop RPG where you play as one of the titular ship captains and professional conquistadors in serve to the Imperium - and with something almost no Imperial has, actual legal freedom to choose what you are.

Wanderer2691: Rogue Traders, as a class, are internally a tacit admission by the Imperium that their attitude doesn’t work. They really can’t just try to exterminate every xenos, every non-Chaos heretic, everybody they find inconvenient - not if they want to keep expanding and keep their internal logistics going. So Rogue Traders are given actual leeway, and a lot of their actions ignored - actually hiring xenos or even being a bit too close to Chaotic artifacts is often unremarked. Thus, the three-path alignment meter of Owlcat Rogue Trader; Dogmatic, strictly following Imperial policies, Heretical, falling to Chaos…and Iconoclast, actually trying to be a decent person in terms of actually being kind rather than a hard man making hard decisions, often while hard.



Shinobu: Given how dark the setting is, I’m going to guess that Iconoclast often backfires - “keep an open mind, but not so much your brain falls out” kind of thing.

Leliel: Exactly. Especially when dealing with Chaos cults, sometimes the Dogmatic option is the smart option, particularly when the primary cult you face is Arcanite - infiltration and playing on sympathy is to be expected. Even when it doesn’t, the Imperials are often confused, scared, and suspect heresy when faced with someone who is kind and just, but not their idea of kind and just, leading to alienation from your ostensible species government. But it often doesn’t - because your Trader can actually tell their side to cut with the bullshit, they can find opportunities that the core Imperium would never think of - it’s hard, but possible, to create a lasting peace between your homeworld and Eldar (not friendship, but able to politely keep distance and unite against worse threats)...and to outright secede from the Imperium in a civil war and win because you have a Star God on your side.

Taion: [Corrupted veins on Claw shrink a bit.] …explain.

Diego: Hoh-kay kids, time for exposition!



Diego: This is a shard of a C’tan, an energy-based “star vampire” divided up into individual sapient parts and put into robotic necrodermis shells by the Necrons, as part of their great biotransference - in fact, biotransference was suggested by the C’tan, because they could feed on the abandoned life-force and soul energy and create an immortal species of co-conspirators to harvest other life, something even more nutritious than stellar radiation. More specifically, it’s a shard of Mag'ladroth, the Void Dragon, the most powerful C’tan embodying warfare, destruction, and probably scientific knowledge - to the extent non-Warp beings embody anything. It (C’tan don’t have genders) is the final boss of the game, the result of a Radical Inquisitor project to control him gone horribly awry…and an Iconoclast can realize the issue was not teaching this Dragon shard empathy or viewing it as a partner rather than a tool or slave. Neither humans nor the Necrons really do that with them.

Leliel: It’d probably be impossible for Mag’ladroth itself, to be fair. It’s way too set in his ways, and so are all its shards, combined with humiliation and pain from having been separated and sealed by the Necrons as both a superweapon and punishment for having tricked them about how reversible biotransference was (not very). But (after a difficult and hard-to-find sidequest, as Owlcat is wont to do for their best endings), you find Nomos - a newborn C’tan, whole but weak, who had caretakers who, while they feared them, also viewed them as a person. A dangerous, alien person, but still a person - and that partnership taught Nomos a detached, clinical empathy that still has genuine curiosity and a desire to help others that help them. And in the ending you befriend and adopt Nomos, teaching them a more human and capable-of-compassion viewpoint, you can then send it to devour the Void Dragon shard’s consciousness, gaining Mag’ladroth’s power, full access to the Necron Tomb World’s godlike technology, and their own permanent freedom, in return for then protecting your holdings and allies as a permanent kingdom away from the Imperium where compassion and freedom aren’t completely alien - and it works.



(Screenshot from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgLjbiMPzJk )

Diego: Naturally, it’s not perfect. The enraged Imperium sends out a fleet to force compliance soon after, forcing Nomos to send your entire Expanse into a dimensional pocket to get away from them and learn a new way of life, and your Trader still has some authoritarian instincts born of literal generations of being taught that it is normal and laudable, plus there’s the fact Nomos needs to eat and will always be tempted by life force instead of uninhabited stars. But it is heavily implied they make it work, and their ideals of compassion become a much-feared heresy - because it’s not Chaotic at all, and so can spread among loyalists who enjoy things like “altruism” and “restraint.”

Wanderer2691: Even in Iconoclast endings where you aren’t aligned with Nomos, if you’ve gotten the Imperial Armada on your side, the pacification force is blindsided when a significant portion of it turns their guns on the loyalists, giving you both ships and much-needed time to break the will of the counter-invasion, and keep the new kingdom free - and even if crushed, your ideals live on.

Taion: [Looking healthier] I imagine…that there are some ruffled feathers among the Dogmatic crowd.

Leliel: Oh hell yeah. There was screeching when they realized that those alien-lovers actually pulled one over on the hard men, even if it’s hard to do so - you should see the breathless rage-posting trying to somehow convince the original poster - er, readers that Nomos is totes just acting, man. It’s not like they decided to drop the bullshit to be honest when found out, and gives you a choice to not trust them. And also explicitly learn from you to the point where it’s possible to win them as a thug for the Dogmatic side. Really, that even potential ending is worth it for the terrified screeching from the verified accounts who see the “woke” has infiltrated a rather-loved game completely with horrifying not-murderous-xenophobia.

Taion: [Simply is silent, then wordlessly rips off the Rotted Claw, causing it to vanish with the vermin and corrupted Mondo] Unlike Academia Nut here, who seems to have decided the only problem with the Heretical path is that it isn’t xenophobic or praises the human species enough! Five points, for the repetition!

TALON ON THE SCALES: 145

Shinobu: Phew. It was getting kind of…creepy, dealing with you all corrupted - I could recognize Futaba under the megalomania and intensity, with you it felt like you were already dead and just…walking through life. That was honestly just sad to see.

Mortarion: I can wait. I have learned nothing if not patience.

Diego: Honestly, that’s one of the things I respect about Nurgle, but, what is growth if not continued refusal to yield to entropy? …But seriously, where do those things come from? It was not long before the Claw showed up, and not only do we know its name, it’s covered all the Dark Gods evenly, so there has to be a pattern. And it manifested in response to… [Sudden understanding] A take on Nurgle. This entire fic is a take on Tzeentch, and the Tearer manifested in response to Asuka, the one we agree is all Khornate, being sublimated into a trophy wife. And you all were focused on hate of Tzeentchji, or at least minimizing his influence. They’re acting like specialized immune cells against this narrative of Chaos. Which means that the Primordial Annihilator itself is looking for champions to defend against the corruption of this fic, and sending those things to people who’d be corrupted into their willing assistants.

Shinobu: …and Chaos is more or less a living force of nature. That…isn’t comforting…

Taion: No, it really isn’t. But…having experienced life through it, I think I understand why the…I believe they’re called the Four Regalia of the Knights of Choronzon, not asking how I know that, are active. Because I do not think that they are Chaos being insidiously corruptive - it seems unlikely it would be so easy to break out of their influence simply by snapping us out of a dour mood otherwise, they aren’t actually speaking to us. No, Chaos as a force is trying to stop its own corruption into something worse.

Shinobu: …uh. Isn’t Chaos already the worst thing imaginable? By definition? To the point where the Imperium is the lesser one? Because that’s what you’ve been acting like.

Diego: I…ah, crap, I have been, haven’t I? [Sighs, runs hands through hair] Hoo boy. Okay, time to back up; I’ll be honest, that’s because Chaos is notorious for its ability to corrupt - because it is from a realm made of thought, it can insert its beliefs into your own mind, especially around a charismatic preacher like Sophia or, in canon, Lorgar. I have been giving it a wide berth - because I value my free will, and so am insulating myself from something that might set me down a self-destructive path. As for morally, there’s a reason my main faction on the tabletop is Nurgle - because Nurgle actually does have something I value, compassion and acceptance of flaws in yourself in others, combined with a genuine Hippocratic Oath - his followers will help you without cruelty or prejudice, and while their definition might not be the most sane idea of help, it’s still genuine. Which is a damn sight better than the majority of Imperial forces!

Leliel: And…okay, I need to get my relatively serious face on. So, excuse me, I need a soapbox. Ahem!



(https://images.ctfassets.net/j7pfe8y48ry3/1j3M10Lzb8aM8wUcGMuOeU/5cdc3fab5c5da27c29dd594c1a52110b/The_Soapbox_Station_Lite.jpg)

Leliel: Speaking OOC, Emma warned me I was falling into a trap of representing the Imperium as the “good guys by default”, due to being “least awful”, with everyone around them being worse, and now, I think I need to set the record straight. While I ascribe to an idea that Chaos is usually the worst overall faction morally (usually, because Drukhari can get up there when they get going), being the Archenemy and all, that does not mean the Imperium is much better - and is, in fact, probably substantially worse than factions like the Leagues of Votaan, Craftworld Aeldari, and T’au, even post-darkening of the last. And they aren’t justified overall - a lot of what they do isn’t actually a reasonable precaution or things like that, and explicitly so; the Adeptus Arbites, the galactic civil police of the Imperium, are the kind of people who, upon realizing the person they arrested has a perfect alibi and is innocent, charge them with mismanagement of departmental resources for having forced them to waste time and money going after someone instead of the subject of their arrest being above suspicion. Nocht, as a character, is explicitly an oddball among Assassins in a much brighter setting than canon, to the point where he is mostly an attache to the Loyalist version of the Night Lords because the rest of his Temple creeps him the fuck out. And the Roboutian Heresy is a version of the Imperium where the God-Emperor explicitly rejected the xenophobic, every-end-justifies-the-means viewpoint of the canon one, and so its xenophobia is a failure state rather than working as intended. In canon? The Imperium vs. Chaos fight isn’t Fascism vs. Satanic Lovecraftian Anarchy - it’s Fascism as Racial Supremacy, Cult of Tradition, and Anti-Intellectualism vs. Facism as Might Makes Right, Rejection of Modernism, and Selective Populism with a Satanic Lovecraftian skin. And the thing is, one feeds into the other for very good reasons.

Wanderer2691: Without the Imperium constantly telling you only strength and bravery matters, why would you feel those aspects are worth the endless rage and loss of personality that Khorne gives? If it didn’t declare everything except route glorification of the Emperor, the Imperial Guard, and efficiency when not explicitly being ostentation for a noble as wasteful and disgusting, where would Slaanesh’s promise of no more limits on what you can create or enjoy fit in? If it didn’t spit on the weak, different, or inferior, then would you beg for Nurgle’s hand to comfort you for your failures and defects? If it didn’t censor everything and tell you that any control over your life and circumstances is vanity, could Tzeentch tempt you with hidden truths and a sense of both freedom and certainty? No, Chaos is the Imperium’s monster, at least as it concerns humanity - and after creating a monster, it’s natural for it to fuck over its creator. As Emma pointed out, a cult needs to at least seem to provide something that its converts are missing, and the Imperium is missing a fuckton. They might have the most sympathetic characters, but that’s a result of being the most marketable side - if people were into spikes and skulls and death metal, we’d be seeing a bunch of sympathetic Chaos too! Once you get past the gold and the prose and the default playability…the Imperium isn’t that different from Chaos, and it’s highly implied the Dark Gods know it - that is why there is nothing but the laughter of thirsting gods. They’re always being fed even when they lose.



(https://preview.redd.it/when-the-chaos-gods-win-v0-vx36yoyawjfb1.jpg?auto=webp&s=980f73446d14ed0632bb945673467383429f4757)

Emma: Yeah, this was something I wasn’t sure how much I’d bring up, but if we’re going to talk about this, it’s worth it. I have religious trauma. I don’t talk about it much, because most religious trauma spaces are understandably not really… built for “I was traumatized by protestant christianity, but it looks more like catholicism trauma, and also I’m still christian”, but the persistent presentation of Evil Religions in Pop Culture as having nothing to do with why people join and stay in harmful religious groups just flattens everything. Of course Chaos prevents a healthier view of the world (at first). Of course it offers better emotional satisfaction and community. That’s how cults work. Canon Chaos is primarily a cartoonishly evil religion joined by people who like to be evil. And, while we’re talking about framing the Imperium as good: the fandom doesn’t have a problem with Branch Davidians or whatever showing up to tourneys with Branch Davidian customized Word Bearers armies. The fandom does have a problem with actual Nazis showing up to tourneys with their Space Wolves covered in Black Suns. One of these factions reflects real world evil in a much clearer way while being framed in a way that that real world evil takes as validation.

Leliel: To remain in as comm rules as possible - there have been actual scandals involving self-described fascists disrupting and gatekeeping official Warhammer tournaments to the point where Games Workshop had to officially state that they do not intentionally market to these people and it is welcoming to every customer. But one of the most insidious things about real authoritarianism is that they love the idea of being “the lesser evil” - because that lets the in-group act as awful as they want and bully, because the other guy is worse. By its nature, the Imperium is often written as “the lesser evil” because they contain most viewpoint characters, and it’s not recommended to make your viewpoint characters utterly loathsome…and more than once, official writers have utterly forgotten that the Imperium is supposed to be a broken society, to the point where if it is truly necessary for humanity to survive and even thrive, then it might be kinder and more advised to destroy humanity. Hence, the recent push to make the God-Emperor a flawed or even villainous figure - because some members of Games Workshop need reminding that the very society of the Imperium itself is based on rotten ideals that got worse over time. It’s also really telling that the same people who say that the Imperium should be worshiped because they are genuinely necessary do not like that tack, because that brings up the possibility that they aren’t, and authoritarians hate being questioned.

Taion: And when it comes down to it…Chaos does lack a couple of the Imperium’s sins, from my temporary intimate understanding of Nurgle. Yes, they are still xenophobic, but significantly less so than the Imperium and accept the existence of alien life that also worships the Ruinous Powers. They also genuinely respect personal initiative and individuality - as opposed to disdaining it up until it is favorable to their own ends at all, as shown by the existence of those Commissar fellows and the imploring to shoot their own soldiers for disobedience or cowardice. Power and happiness await, the only price is your humanity, is a phrase I recall.

Shinobu: …and since when has this prick not shown either of those sins?!



Leliel: The lack of compassion and desire to dominate his trophy wives is self-evident, but here, we start to see one of the more subtle bits of toxic viewpoint that underlie Tzeentchji’s worldview; he never, ever considers the viewpoint of the Angels. This is understandable, he hasn’t communicated with one at all, but Academia Nut suddenly revealing that “Ireul can’t radio the others” and “they adapt from Angel to Angel” hints at something that is going to be really fucking obvious when we get to Kaworu; Academia Nut does not get that the danger of the Angels is their single-minded focus on finding Adam or the sheer mental danger of interacting with a few of them. They are not actively malevolent, and it’s a really good thing for Tokyo-3 they aren’t, because if they did actively hate humans, they’d probably be able to start off with a regular extermination of most of the city just by shooting at the Geofront once. But, our author simply does not engage with that - the Angels, to his mind, are at war with humans, the only end is extermination, end of story, and he refuses to entertain the idea it could be anything else. In spite of that lack of malevolence actually being a lot more Lovecraftian than any of this Osmosis Jones with Fusion Cannons bullshit.



(Source: TV Tropes, and a movie that is roughly the same genre as this fic, especially this chapter, wherein there is a war between a completely human girl’s immune system and some evil aliens that happened to be living in there who want her to die with the help of a tentacle monster virus. Also, she’s needed to get a giant robot moving. And her body is mostly a Care Bears-esque pastoral cartoon. Yes, really.)

Mortarion: When you have seen what I have, When you have walked in the Grandfather’s footsteps, and taken up the Tallyman’s scythe, you know that there is nothing in this universe more powerful, more horrible than love.

Emma: Yeah, going to “directly talking about my writing” but I think Calas Typhon/Typhus the Traveler is one of the most significantly rewritten characters in Higher than the Stars, even if he’s still a dude. Canon presents Typhon as having long ago lost any care for any of the Death Guard over Chaos, and him basically forcing his Primarch and legions to sell their souls to Nurgle by stranding them in the warp and afflicting them with horrible, painful, immortality-inducing diseases is just an act of manipulative villainy in service to Chaos. I honestly don’t think that makes much sense for Nurgle’s greatest servant in the Materium, so AU Typhon gets the exact same actions just motivated by genuine, unconditional love, and a desire to spread love he thinks only his god can provide. I don’t like using myself as a positive example, but I genuinely think that’s scarier. *beat* You know, given how the harem in this thing is written, I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that Academia Nut can’t comprehend “love can be just as horribly damaging and can fuck you up just as much as hate or apathy”.

Diego: In so doing, Academia Nut’s “sympathetic Chaos” ends up becoming the worst of both worlds; not just the same over-the-top edgefest of Chaos at its most uncreative, but embodies the hypocrisy, self-righteousness, entitlement, and complete lack of any self-awareness that tends to define Imperium of Man villains. The kind of people those same sympathetic Imperials usually end up shooting just to stay alive. Quite simply, our viewpoint character is about as sympathetic as Overlord Herman von Straub - the man described canonically as “the greatest waste of flesh and bone born in the last five hundred years.” Wonderful character writing, Mr. Nut. Absolutely riveting and not at all grating. Truly, a villain, nay, a hero we can respect for being grandiose, and competent, and not at all just a petty little bully who starts throwing a fit the moment he’s not having the ground he walked on kissed.

Wanderer2691: Don’t believe us? Haven’t seen the explicit narcissistic rampage from this character? Well, funny you should ask - because here’s an interesting little passage from the sequel fic, where he has not changed at all, just grown more powerful - straight from the horse’s mouth (or rear, as it were):

“Hey! Hey! You’re both supposed to be good guys! When did I ever say anything about being the good guy! People cheer for Darth Vader and he’s pulled worse shit than me, but everyone lets him get away with that because he’s the ‘bad guy’. Fuck man, if I knew this whole ‘follow the Evil Overlord list’ shtick would get me crucified for not being evil enough to get away with levelling an orphanage full of little cancer patients and their sick puppies and kitten because people expect that, I would have gone with the straight up evil from the get go.”

Leliel: This lovely paragraph, by the way, is in response to two characters who decide to cut him off when he starts lecturing them on their actions by pointing out that, at this point in his story, counts genocide in multiple universes as one of his lesser crimes. At no point is he chewed out for this, it’s just a side gag in an “interlude” that is more or less the author showing his “funny” unfiltered thoughts about his character, and in fact, just after this, another character cheers Tzeentchji on. And only Tzeentchji.

Emma: You unbelievable SHITFUCKER! You unbearable victim blaming, hypocritical ASSHOLE! “Ohhhhh I tried to be less evil, but clearly I shouldn’t have, because I’m not getting anything out of it, so why shouldn’t I torture babies?” Most villains with standards have standards because they matter to them. Because on some level they have some sense of morality or some line they care about not crossing, no matter how weirdly placed or fucked up. I would use the “character only isn’t as evil as possible because they want rewards and asspats from it” to mark out a character as Distinctly Irredeemable compared to all the fucked up weirdos who are meant to be somewhat sympathetic.

Taion: In summation, Academia Nut: congratulations. You have successfully created a character that, if it was a choice between me deciding to sell out my entire universe to a Hellish dimension in the name of the literal personification of stagnancy and the fundamental cruelty of nature (who is, as I have hinted at before, very similar to the main villain of said world), and his “sympathetic” idea of Chaos that is so “cool” for how it disrupts Gendo and SEELE while ensuring happiness for this absolute mudder and his functionally-slave-harem? The only reason I wouldn’t be shoving the Tearer back in Leliel’s hands during my initial duties as a Knight of Chaos would be because I believe Noah knows his way around a sword better.

Shinobu: And, from the NGE side? That quote up there? He’s basically telling those characters that he is about the best he can be and that you should be thanking him for not being more evil, and instead respect him for the mercy he grants? That is, with less swearing and more obvious misery, the same exact viewpoint Shinji has in End of Evangelion; that he is so loathsome and so disgusting that nobody could possibly care for him as a person, just a purpose he doesn’t believe in, and so he should stop bothering and instead demand the appearance of love so he can escape from his sadness - as he thinks that’s the only kind of ‘real’ happiness there is, escape. One part Hideki Anno’s metacommentary on the sheer amount of vitriol, lack of compassion, and bitter entitlement of a lot of his bullying hate mail, one part caustic assessment of how depression and one’s own fear of the unpredictability of emotional connections can turn someone into a genuinely disgusting person who is hated for legitimate reasons.

You know, the Shinji that just about destroyed the world in a fit of existential rage, human civilization as we know it at the very least. By certain readings, pretty much the entire world except for himself and Asuka, so she can continue to provide the appearance of love for him through his coercion of her. We don’t think that’s what happened, we think he did halt at the very last second and step out of the cycle of misery, but even in the most optimistic take on things, he still nearly strangled Asuka out of paranoia and anger at her refusal to provide him succor at first.

That, my friends, is the behavior that Academia Nut thinks that the main problem the series had was that it wasn’t rewarded enough by the women in his life, so what he needed was a subservient harem.

One hundred points.

DUMMY PLUGGED: 404

To each category.

PRIMORDIAL BRAINFART: 290

And from all of us, let me just say.

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 396

Fuck off, Tzeentchji.

THE DARK PRINCE’S AT FIELD: 320

And take the tacky shit you call your Egyptian cotton as a toilet rag.

GENDO’S FATED BASTARD: 558

Diego: …is it technically cheating if we use a quote from a sequel to score that?

Mortarion: First, it helps define who he is at this moment, because that is what he is intended to develop into. Second, I don’t care after that display.

Diego: A fair point! Also, oh gods above please tell me it’s nearly over…

Leliel: Thankfully, it is. It’s mostly just the new STUFF (™) - I mean, mutations, the Stu and harem get.

Rei III also died giving the command, but it was no great deal for her, her soul immediately jumping to the bodies of her sisters to await revival by Gendo. In the peaceful silence of that limbo state she would share the new gifts she had acquired in the fight. She had absorbed all those wonderful, awful diseases into her soul, and now they would spread to the genome of every clone.

The blood of Rei IV would be capable of killing everyone on the planet if she so desired it to.

Wanderer2691: …okay, that’s pretty thematic, so, points there. [Pauses] Though now I’m wondering where all the Amazing Microbial Warships went, and how NERV’s biologists aren’t able to find traces in the wreck, given how they likely don’t have the similar-to-humans DNA of Angels…

Leliel: [Singsong] You should know better than to assume competence~!

TALON ON THE SCALES: 146

Up in their entry plugs the other Children were also absorbing their new gifts.

Asuka's eyes had changed again, her once light blue irises darkening to a rich blue-violet that was almost black, a consequence of the strain in shielding the Angel from the thoughts of the other Children. There were also subtler changes that would take several days to manifest, but for now she seemed the least affected.

Taion: The primary change, of course, was her eyes growing arms with which to strangle her with, as once again, Khorne hates psykers, and somehow I do not think he would reward this psychic shield-carrying even if he tolerated her powers.

Emma: Wow. WOW. Asuka is the servant of the Blood Murder Berserker Death God, and not only is her entire role in this chapter to throw up a forcefield, her new gift is… having her eyes change colour. To what’s arguably a prettier colour, and definitely one that’s generally impossible for humans. It’s not even her eyes turning pure blood red, as buildup from the earlier stuff, it’s just… prettier eyes. Because canon Khorne mutations, even minor ones, might make her less of a pretty trophy. (And I guess the Mark of Khorne spontaneously branding itself onto her would encroach on Tzeentchji’s territory.)

PRIMORDIAL BRAINFART: 291

HETERONORMATIVE HEDGEHOG: 397

Just beneath the surface of his flesh, a new, strange neural net had developed, Shinji's body quite liking the biological nano-computer design the Angel had come up with and replicating it.

Diego: Which meant absolutely nothing as to how it manifested, as Tzeentch is not known for controlling said mutations in a reliable way, but hey, it’s the thought that counts.

PRIMORDIAL BRAINFART: 292

Weaving in and out with the rest of his nervous system, this new network was invisible to normal scans, but it took much of the load for autonomic actions off his brain, allowing more space to be freed up for higher brain functions.

Emma: Three… two… one…

All: What higher neural functions?

As his already formidable intelligence increased, Shinji's first major post-battle thought was not a happy one.

This situation is WAY too suspicious.

Shinobu: Let me guess - absolutely nobody will actually investigate this. At all.

Leliel: Are you sure you didn’t get the precognition?

TALON ON THE SCALES: 147

Wanderer2691: Uuuuuggh….and the worst part is? That was funny-bad! This is part of the fic’s downward slide, because next time, guess what, we have more harem nonsense! With blatant sex comedy and actual power-related lewdness! So join us next time, as-

Shinobu: Your co-spokers start a work strike.

Leliel: …pardon?

Diego: You heard him, we are officially refusing to report for work as a protest. We are not doing that, not after this chapter continued with a sexual mental assault because “Rei wanted to know what sex with an Ikari was like.” So you either give every one of your original co-sporkers a vacation day, or we disrupt the spork with picketing.

Wanderer2691: Oh come on, guys! We’re over the halfway mark, just a little more!

Taion: A ‘little more’ likely involves the active Regalia, which need I remind you are drawn to sporkers undergoing a breakdown, which that next chapter is liable to invoke? Do you really want to know what, say, Shinobu is like under the influence of the Gleaming Scepter of Slaanesh? Do you think the comm rules will tolerate anything sacred to Slaanesh, let alone something that resembles a pole?

Leliel: …oh. Oh shit. Fuck. Alright guys, we give in to your demands, you get a vacation and a pizza party, please don’t strike.

Shinobu: Thank you. [Co-sporkers flee at top speed.]

Wanderer2691: …while I don’t mind your commitment to worker welfare, Lels, uh…is this really the time you want to leave us abandoned to the harem nonsense? With actual terrible sex comedy?

Emma: *points at the chunk of Saviour of Magic that got sporked* I think I can handle this.

Leliel: Phew, thanks. But yeah, that’s kinda not good to just have three people, and if Nocht was already tempted by Slaanesh, yeah no not risking the Scepter making things even worse. We need someone who is able to chew out unhealthy polycule behavior and how toxic apparent light comedy can be, someone we know gets sex but isn’t defined by it and has responsibility, someone who is able to deal with everyone in the relationship having issues and independent minds that have suffered internal strike but…don’t…blame…[Dawning realization]

Wanderer2691: …that is not the least intimidating look in the world, man…

Leliel: We need…four of them. Or three, because…I don’t wanna test if lasers from Siren can cross universal boundaries…but yeah…



H(https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/xenoblade/images/b/ba/Nia_s4.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/1000?cb=20200207174325)

I think I have some ideas….

Meanwhile, Somewhere Across the Seas of Tindalos

Timeline GNX-2014-3 (Xothian Classification)

Sol Sector, Earth, North Americ Ruins of NERV 1st Branch Production Facility

“So…those are the Tsan-Chan,” Nocht’s voice crackled over the radio. “Can’t say I can’t see where the ‘Wasps’ nickname has its origin.”

Frankly, Futaba felt like “ghosts” worked at the moment, but really, it was more due to the silent, softly glowing red of the post-Instrumentality world; there was thankfully enough bugs to make it seem not completely dead (as it turned out, LCL oceans provided enough of the same features as actual ocean ecology for terrestrial life to exist). It lit up the patrolling vehicles and armored infantry with an eerie light - one that gave the yellow and black color schemes an ethereal glow over the completely covered forms of patrolling troops and flying personnel carriers. The look of something that did not belong.

Even more so than the things that clearly weren’t human.

Earth after a Third Impact was…not a cheerful place. Maybe the liquified humans were happy, but to those of a more solid variety, even the brightest day seemed a perpetual evening. Even if all of them returned, this was a graveyard for what was - every human would now have the memory of being one with an overmind, to have seen all of humanity’s best and worst aspects, all at once, for who knows how long. The people who came back would not be the same as those who went in. They could not be - and so, so much just would be…unimportant. Irrelevant. No longer of interest.

As it was with the city that NERV’s First Branch was once in. If there was anything human other than the patrolling Wasps, Futaba couldn’t see them - not even stubborn survivors or prisoners of war to be shipped back to their home universe for indoctrination into love of the Empress and a sublimation of will even more total than the loss of an AT Field; an AT Field at least removed the self altogether, than left enough of it intact to understand its own chaining.

And there would be people likely trapped. This world didn’t know Eva Unit 04 would finally emerge from the Sea of Dirac it was accidentally sent to in the very location which sent it off, but they would have sensed its return, along with various stragglers of other extradimensional life. The Wasps, however, were not of this world.

And yet, somehow the even-more-otherworldly allies were even more disturbing…but not in the typical manner of daemons of the Warp.

“It is almost a shame I do not have the capacity here to time-lock Warp entities,” Trazyn’s voice crackled over. “The Bloodletters are acting like severely degraded Warriors of my people - the result of having too many personality engrams lost. It’s fascinatingly eerie. Which given how I am beyond death, must be absolutely terrifying for you, my dear assassin.”

“...it’s like they aren’t even alive,” Nocht admitted. “Never born, but died and their bodies are still functioning. Except for the lizards.”

The “lizards” in question looked even more demonic in the Christian sense than the Bloodletters, not an easy task considering Bloodletters of Khorne were red-skinned gargoyle-like warriors with grand flaming swords at minimum. It was like magma, hot steel, and gold had grown together in the shape of long-tailed and round-headed beasts with skull-like faces that cackled even as they spat a greenish, dark flame at the Bloodletters, when they weren’t assembling piles of what looked to be valuable salvage to perch on to look down at the taller Bloodletters. That last bit was one half what set them over the line - it was clear these things were also enormous bullies, not caring about the strange, shapeless monster that the Bloodletters were striking at.

But the other half was more disturbing, as there was no joy in what the Lesser Daemons of Khorne were doing. No anger. Not even agitation. It looked…mechanical. Passionless. Dead.

Perhaps the green and black collars around their necks implied the reason for it.

“Well, whatever it is, you cannot fault them for being very slightly able to back up whatever kind of boast invokes slave collars on literal personifications of angry thoughts,” Corax radioed. “And it is quite clear for all their pretensions of being creatures of ultimate order, these Wasps are just as inhuman, amoral, and tryhard as the most despicable edgelords of Chaos. I, for example, have made the lovely discovery that apparently, every ship has a ‘purification chamber’ - and for the sake of everyone, I will burden only myself with the knowledge of more than implication. Also, when was the last time this one was cleaned?! I cannot smell my own ammonia! Ick.”

“I see you’ve discovered the Tsan-Chani idea of performative loyalty. ‘To suffer willingly is to walk on the way to perfection’ is a maxim of theirs”, Seraphina radioed, darkly. “For certain values of ‘willing’, and believe me, not submitting when the local hub of the group mind ‘suggests’ purification is not a good idea. Anyway, Sakura, are you in position?”

“Yeah. I can see the Eva, about…oh, ten kilometers north of here? They’re trying to create a new dock bay for it; it’s upright.” To that end, Futaba turned the camera that was in her loaned power armor to the rather fleshy dock the Wasps were growing.

“Contact,” Nocht said. “I’m in prone as well. I think I’ve identified a commander or lieutenant - large helmet, looks almost like a Ministorum preacher, subduing a daemon that seems to be…” He trailed off. “Dammit, sorry, like I said - something’s familiar about this. Especially the ways the Bloodletter slaves are acting. I shouldn’t be feeling pity or sympathy for daemons - I digress. He hasn’t noticed me.”

“Got it. So to run down - when Corax says go, you shoot that guy, and Trazyn’s Necrons phase in - and I hide myself until Vulkan makes an opportunity, with Ibians serving as a guide through the distraction, and then…” She trailed off, looking at the glowing scarab in her hand.

Vulkan, previously very quiet, came in. “Yeah…dat gotta be awkward, holdin’ ya ma and planning on putting her inna big Titan. Cannot say I got a good idea how you’re feeling BUT IF ET MAKES YA FEE’ BETTA, WAKABA’S GONNA BE BIGGEST DERE IS; LOOK FORWARD TO DA NEW BOSS.”

“Huh, I was wondering if the comms were broken,” Trazyn cut in. “Do you need some maintenance, Vulkan? I have records of several thousand varieties of homemade anxiety cures in my conscious memory banks alone.”

“Nah, I cool, jus’...da colors dey use? Those are mine. Cannot help but see my sons in dem, without anythin’ in my sons dat make ‘em good boys.”

“And that, Vulkan, is why we’re friends,” Futaba said, spitting out some gum. “But I’m ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Excellent. And it will be massively cathartic to unleash hell upon people who, when given all the luck, apparently decided that the only mistake Father did was not mutilating the souls of their subjects enough to discourage rebellion,” Corax said, bitterly. “This will be excellent sublimation of my desire to call out Father for deciding that ‘freedom’ for Kiavahr meant reinstalling the tech-lords and hoping it worked out. Frankly, I see the fire lizards are acting more like Commissars than daemons, and that is…visceral in how upsetting it is.”

“It’ll be even more fun when I’m smashing them with an Eva. Let’s do this.”

Table of Contents